I've been thinking about you so often lately. Something about the holidays I think. I'm so happy to hear things are going well. Congratulations on that promotion. And don't be a stranger!! I'm happy to hear about what your baking or how gardening is going for you. Best of luck my friend.
(((Cardinal))) It is so good to hear from you. I'm so happy to hear that your H is moving out and you'll be able to stay in your house. Congratulations on the promotion and I second WF-- don't be a stranger! Share your baking recipes and gardening stories!!
xoxo May
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Long story short (a good reminder to believe actions, not words):
I discovered a few weeks before H was supposed to be moving out, he was not moving out. It fell through, he said, but he was still looking for a place. Fast forward to January—my dreams of having the house (finally!) to myself dashed, and I find out H has had a fever and other covid symptoms and didn’t bother to tell me, all while he’s still using my bathroom. He tested positive and luckily agreed to stick to his bathroom, his room, and wear a mask. Halfway through his isolation period, he wanted to use my bath instead of his. I asked him to wait until his isolation period was over, and he went off in a huff.
Somehow, I did not get covid. Ever since this, though, he seems to be more passive aggressive. He abruptly stopped using my bathroom at all post-covid, even though for the last two and a half years he’s taken a bath in it almost every day (good for me—I don’t have to clean up after him any more!).
He’s started working only in his room and keeping the door shut that separates the tiny front of the house/front door/his room. The pets can no longer use that part of the house, and if I want to leave through the front door, I have to now open this other door.
Today: I’m in a great mood, until I come home and find he has a girl in his room. The house is so tiny, I can hear all of their conversation, and I can’t focus at all. I don’t care if this is a friend or otherwise; the point is neither of us had had anyone else in the house since BD (summer 2019!). Once covid happened, this became even more important to me, because I don’t want to be exposed to his friends.
Question: what do I do? I am very angry at having my house infiltrated without his even running it by me (not that I’d expect that of him). I can’t enjoy a quiet evening after a very busy week at work. Who knows how long they’ll be in there. Right now I’m livid, but I assume these feelings will pass. I also assume he wants a reaction out of me.
Do I say nothing and hope it’s a one time thing? Or do I somehow attempt to set a boundary?
Ah, friends, I’m sorry to be posting for these reasons, yet I know you all will understand.
Also, for context, he finally changed the annulment he initially filed over a year ago to a divorce last fall. His disclosures were due at the beginning of the month, but of course they haven’t appeared. We are both on the lease. I really do think he thought he was moving out. We talked about what stuff we would divide, which we’d never done before, and he told other people he was moving out.
My cousin said I should go introduce myself as his wife. 😆 These are making me laugh, but I’m feeling very trapped, like there’s nothing legally I can do do make him move or move the divorce along. I really thought I’d waited him out. Now I worry he’s changed his mind and is going to refuse to leave again. The only play I’ve had is to stay focused on myself, ignore him, and wait for him to want to move out, want to take any action on this thing. It was happening on his very slow timeline…
Yes, crank up the tunes. Watch a movie. Open that door that separates the front of the house and front door from the rest. Make lots of noise. H can shut his bedroom door if he wants.
Your house. Don’t walk on eggshells!
You are correct, there is nothing legally you can do. However, maybe you need to vacuum the front area. Right now. Lol. Lots of vacuuming with lots of banging into the door.
And I like the idea of introducing yourself to this gal. Hello I’m the wife. Who are you? Why are you here? No, you don’t belong here. No, I really don’t care what you think.
This is your house! You can know who is in your house. And you can encourage them to get out as well.
I do agree he is probably trying to get a reaction out of you. Don’t react out of anger, and play into his scheme. Do not take the bait. Flip the script.
Seriously, crank up the tunes. Watch a movie. Vermin don’t like noise and commotion. He and her can go work elsewhere. After all he was suppose to move out. How dare he delay your life. Live as if he had.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
And now it smells strongly of pot in my room! They must be vaping. If I open the door, it’ll just get worse. Unfortunately, he has no door on his room, just the one outside it. Do I ask them to vape outside? I don’t trust myself to say anything because I might just start screaming.
