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kml Offline
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Happy Father’s Day!

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Wolfman Offline OP
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Happy belated Fathers Day to all of you.
Thank you CWarrior and kml

So something very interesting happened on Friday. My gf and I spoke with my ex’s boyfriend’s ex wife. Did you all follow that? Lol So, I know nothing about this guy who is around my kids all the time. I wanted a little insight. So he is evidently a cheater, the ex has proof that this guy cheated on her and wait my ex was dating him before they were even thinking about divorce. She probably doesn’t know she is a home wrecker. Not my problem just sharing with you all. Next he is a drinker; a heavy drinker. Here is my problem. She told me one day her kids were over my ex’s home. He was drinking and got drunk and they were going to go out. His kids did not want to get in the car with him drunk so they called their mom. And she told him he better not dare drive anywhere. He said he wasn’t drunk and that his gf ( my ex) would verify that he was fine. She said he is ok to drive. So my ex is allowing this a$$h@le to drive my kids drunk. I am not having that!! I don’t know what to do. Any advice???
Something else I would like to share. When CPS interviewed my kids at her home, it sounds like my sons complaints about us were really about them. It was all projection. Here is why I say that. This woman told me, that her kids constantly complain that their dad doesn’t spend any time with them, that he is always with my ex. It’s funny how my son said I don’t spend enough time with him without my gf, when I was on here telling all of you I was upset my gf wasn’t around us that much. He complained about being afraid of getting in the car with my gf yet she only drove him twice and this woman’s kids are talking about being afraid to get in the car with their dad. All of his complaints were about them just using us. Sickens me what she is doing!!!
Onto my gf and baby. They are great!! Everything has been wonderful. I love that little guy so much he brings so much joy. My gf and I really work well together and I am just so happy. I can’t wait for the six weeks to be up so we can start having fun again. Today my s graduates 5th grade and I am so proud of him!!! I just love him so much too!!! He comes around to see the baby, he is interested in him. That also makes me so happy!!!


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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kml Offline
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Ugh. It's so difficult in this position. Unless your ex's boyfriend has drunk driving convictions against him, I'm not sure how you go about protecting your kids. Does your son have a cell phone? If so, you could have a discussion with him about how he can always call you instead of getting in the car with BF if he seems drunk.Or maybe, just ask son whether he ever feels uncomfortable with BF driving?

The good news is, hopefully, this guy will not last long. He'll cheat on your exW too. In fact, maybe this is why your ex is so bent out of shape about you moving on - maybe she has started to realize that the grass wasn't greener with this guy.

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Hi Wolf,

Originally Posted by “Wolfman”
She told me one day her kids were over my ex’s home. He was drinking and got drunk and they were going to go out. His kids did not want to get in the car with him drunk so they called their mom. And she told him he better not dare drive anywhere. He said he wasn’t drunk and that his gf ( my ex) would verify that he was fine. She said he is ok to drive. So my ex is allowing this a$$h@le to drive my kids drunk. I am not having that!! I don’t know what to do. Any advice???

Your kids being driven around by someone whose BAC is above the legal limit would be serious.

You don’t KNOW that’s happening. It sounds like that PROBABLY happened on the day in question. A woman you just met who’s upset at him alleges that one of her kids claimed this happened. She apparently wasn’t worried enough to take action to stop it such as calling a sheriff because then this would be a simple matter.

I would ask her to call the sheriff if this happens again and alert you if he’s arrested.
I would offer to share if you obtain proof of abuse that a court or CPS accepts.
I would informally arm your son with info about drunk driving.
If she alleges this happens frequently, e.g., Saturday evenings 8-10pm, and you find her very credible, you could hire a PI for those evenings which will either prove or disprove her claim.
I would avoid further venting sessions because they don’t help you detach.

How did holding your ground on the pickup before Father’s Day go? Any documented wrongdoings?

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Wolfman Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
Ugh. It's so difficult in this position. Unless your ex's boyfriend has drunk driving convictions against him, I'm not sure how you go about protecting your kids. Does your son have a cell phone? If so, you could have a discussion with him about how he can always call you instead of getting in the car with BF if he seems drunk.Or maybe, just ask son whether he ever feels uncomfortable with BF driving?
.

I have friends who ho are cops and ram his info. No convictions. Just one parking ticket. But I will definitely talk to my son about it he ever feels uncomfortable about getting in the car to call me.


Originally Posted by CWarrior
Hi Wolf,

Originally Posted by “Wolfman”
She told me one day her kids were over my ex’s home. He was drinking and got drunk and they were going to go out. His kids did not want to get in the car with him drunk so they called their mom. And she told him he better not dare drive anywhere. He said he wasn’t drunk and that his gf ( my ex) would verify that he was fine. She said he is ok to drive. So my ex is allowing this a$$h@le to drive my kids drunk. I am not having that!! I don’t know what to do. Any advice???

Your kids being driven around by someone whose BAC is above the legal limit would be serious.

You don’t KNOW that’s happening. It sounds like that PROBABLY happened on the day in question. A woman you just met who’s upset at him alleges that one of her kids claimed this happened. She apparently wasn’t worried enough to take action to stop it such as calling a sheriff because then this would be a simple matter.

I would ask her to call the sheriff if this happens again and alert you if he’s arrested.
I would offer to share if you obtain proof of abuse that a court or CPS accepts.
I would informally arm your son with info about drunk driving.
If she alleges this happens frequently, e.g., Saturday evenings 8-10pm, and you find her very credible, you could hire a PI for those evenings which will either prove or disprove her claim.
I would avoid further venting sessions because they don’t help you detach.

How did holding your ground on the pickup before Father’s Day go? Any documented wrongdoings?


I agree why she didn’t call the cops or sheriff. But thinking about the PI thing. That’s a good idea. Just concerned for my children. Especially my son, he doesn’t need to see that and think when he gets older, that’s ok. Was t meant to be venting just giving some background and advice about the drinking and driving.
Father’s Day was fine. When I disagreed I just got. “I will pick him up promptly at 3:15 from the precinct.” So much for her wanting to avoid him going twice.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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kml Offline
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I'd be worried that the PI might be considered a violation of your restraining order? Check that out first.

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Question for everyone. My s 11 wants to play tackle football. I am in agreement with him playing. I wrote his mom an email if she was in agreement, that was a week ago and no response. I asked a the other day if he spoke with his mom about playing? He said he did. Her response to him was, he is in too many activities (he is signed up for flag football, which starts in august) and that it would take time away from s. She doesn’t have any activities until October. Also, my s when we were married no joke was in, drumming lessons, hip hop, baseball, karate, and gymnastics. But now more than one activity is too much???? I know why, because he would be with me more. I coach flag and want to coach tackle. If she says no, then what? I asked my lawyer and he said I could still put him in, I would just be responsible for the fee. My problem with that, on her days she may not take him. She did that when he wanted to play baseball, she wouldn’t take him, and then he stopped playing. Again I was coaching. It is so sad that she is so selfish. Do I sign him up and take a chance or unfortunately do I let him miss out if she says no? Thanks everyone.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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kml Offline
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I can't comment on the best way to handle the ex, but please watch the movie Concussion with Will Smith before putting an 11 year old in tackle football.

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Hi Wolfman,

Originally Posted by Wolfman
If she says no, then what?

If you weren't prepared to honor "no" as her answer, you should not ask her a "yes" or "no" question.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
But now more than one activity is too much????

You parent S how you like during your time. She parents S how she likes during her time.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I know why, because he would be with me more.

Makes sense. If you two were on better terms, you might negotiate that a 3rd party coach your son.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I coach flag and want to coach tackle

My dad learned he can coach without me playing.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
My problem with that, on her days she may not take him.

You parent S how you like during your time. She parents S how she likes during her time. Try not to see a lack of control over her as a "problem". On your days you may do tackle football, on her days she may have him bake cookies or read books.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
She did that when he wanted to play baseball, she wouldn’t take him, and then he stopped playing.

If he enjoys playing baseball, why would a weekend off stop him? My son hikes at both houses, cycles at my XW's house, and kayaks at my house. There are "mama" and "dada" activities. There are no conflicts or problems. As coach, you have the benefit of knowing what skills you taught during any days he's not present and may be able to teach him separately.

Originally Posted by Wolfman
Do I sign him up and take a chance or unfortunately do I let him miss out if she says no? Thanks everyone.

If you want him to learn and play tackle football on your days, sign him up and have fun! Try not to worry about what she's going to do during her parenting time. That's literally what "her parenting time" means. She chooses what's best for him.

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As for a working model of how I approach such things with my XW, "Hey! I'm signing S up for a 1-week kayaking class. Two of his friends will be there, it's socially distanced, and it gets him outside. 3 days are mine, 2 days are yours." Her response was that it sounded great and she'd take him. What if he doesn't feel like going? Over here: "You asked and I signed up for it--you're going." Over there she'd probably encourage him, but then offer a cycle or hike. That's how we roll.

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