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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Originally Posted by Don
It’s sort of a minimum, or a baseline to aspire to - not a pinnacle model for others to aspire to.
Don, I'm not impressed by your attempts to belittle or bully me. I do not plan to engage or converse with you again. Have a nice day. (:
CWs for the record I wasn’t saying your broken just that Don was definitely referring to you because you were the only once cheering her on.

Dating advice. Hangout, have fun and hook up.


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You have no expectations huh? Ok sure. You’re in love with a man who happens to be your husband who you want back, slept with him and have no expectations? You’re in some sort of incredibly deep denial.

Do you actually hear yourself? You at 50yrs old drove an hour to have sex with abusive husband in a car because it was convenient? You live alone correct? Are hotels not an option? An hour drive to have sex is convenient? No there are motives there you are not sharing but everyone can see.


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I really think we just need to view this thread as “for entertainment purposes only”.


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Job.... Cadet... is it possible to have my threads deleted???

I'm tired and worn out by being bullied and being others "entertainment purposes"

People only read what they want... not that my H has been working on his broken parts. Sadly I see here many that need to work on their broken parts.

I'm chastised about how wrong I am to drive an hour to have sex with my H but no where in Michelle's book does it state you should NOT have sex with your H. No one read that the event was a nod to our early marriage.... this is not our first or second or third rendezvous in a car... there is nothing wrong with recreating the happier parts of your M... it makes dealing with the more serious issues that we faced seem more fixable.

I'm not denying my Hs anger issues.... but if your spouse was alcoholic or a coke addict and they work through recovery can not a person work through their anger issues?

That being said Joseph please look up the meaning of unconditional love. Unconditional love is having love for someone and expecting nothing in return. Unconditional love is NOT a feeling it's a choice. I have unconditional love for my H. I don't need anything from him. I can never see him again and still love amd want the best for him everyday even if it's not me. The sun will still rise up in the east tomorrow. My current life plan does not resolve at all around my H.

As for AS. IC and that setting will never work for me. Boundaries were broken... legal ones. It will never be a safe place for me. But I have joined a group and its helped tremendously. Its been well over a year now with them. I don't discuss it here becasue well... I don't want that part of my life trashed too. According to my group I'm thriving. I'm fantastic. I've done a lot of hard work and I've been there immensely for others. It's just weird that their opinion of me and
my journey is so radically different from how I'm trashed talked here.

Job... Cadet... I think there needs to be more addressing of how this should be a safe place and that some members are taking out whatever short comings in their own life out onto others. I have never been anything other than truthful and raw about my journey and healing. Some of you need to take a harder look at your own brokenness. Thank goodness I'm at a stronger place than a year ago... some of your comments could have pushed a weaker person into some serious life ending decisions.

A vast many of you need to learn and practice more empathy. Its completely okay to say given my circumstances you would have not chose to drive to meet your estranged spouse... every one has their own opinion and choices... but to simply mock me as entertainment because I did do that is completely wrong.

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KC, goodbye and good luck. I sincerely hope you find the peace and happiness you seek.

But I do have to correct one thing, MWD NEVER suggests continuing to have sex with someone that is in an active affair. That puts your health at risk. If your WAS is not in a PA then yes, she and many other experts say that engaging in sex with your WAS is ok. I needed to correct that for any other posters that might read your last post.

Last edited by SteveLW; 08/13/21 12:51 PM.

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KK,

I wish you the best too. You never embraced DB and you walk to the beat of your own drum which you have to respect. Time heels all wounds.

Just for the record MWD does not endorse sleeping with spouse who is having affair. May be time to give it another peek.

Take care.


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Kit,

When this all plays out, and you are once again left devestated by your H, you will look back and see that everyone here was merely trying to protect you from yourself. To help you move forward. To help hold you accountable in an effort to help you find the TRUE happiness that you deserve.

You are confusing unconditional love with an addiction to your H. No, you aren’t his W, he lives with and has sex with another woman, and he has for a long time now. You are the Ow that he is cheating on his partner with. You can deny that until you are blue in the face, but it’s a fact.

Truly, I think you are a good person, and you deserve a man that will cherish you. But you do self sabotage and then stubbornly defend your decisions. Maybe, just maybe, some of us here are right when we say it would be worthwhile and smart of you to invest in some therapy. When we suggest that, it comes from a place of love, not judgement.

If you do decide to leave the board, I wish you well.

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I’m sorry you view this as bullying. That was never the intent. The intent to to hopefully make yourself look in the mirror and hold yourself accountable. Because you justify bad decisions, and you have an issue with anyone who disagrees with you.

KitKat, please read Steve’s post. MWD also doesn’t recommend staying or fixing a marriage that involves abuse.

I’m aware of what unconditional love is. But unconditional loves isn’t an excuse or justification for bad choices. I love my kids unconditionally, but if they make an unwise choice, or a dangerous one, I don’t stand back as say, well that’s ok, because I love them.

I don’t understand why you seem to take my post so personally. You seem to be able to ignore everyone that disagrees or says something you don’t like, but take my post personally. Let me assure you, I’m raising 4 daughters, one who was abused horrendously, and 3 who got to witness it. 2 weeks ago my second oldest, said “Dad, you know what’s messed up, I thought the way D16 was treated and the lying Mom did to get the rest of us in trouble was normal in every family”. KitKat, I fear abuse has been normalized with you.

Btw, someone still involved in an active affair, meeting woman at 4am an hour away to have sex in a car isn’t working on their past transgressions. Their working on getting a piece of action because they’re a serial cheater. Leaving her, getting therapy, being alone for a while, fixing their relationship with the kids, and than you would be working on their issues. It’s just sad to me you’ll never see that because you need counseling.

Edit…let me just add, how do you claim unconditional love when you had an affair with the pilot, where ready to divorce your husband, and move completely along with the pilot and was crushed when he didn’t return the feelings? Did you unconditionally love your H than?

Feel free to keep posting. I don’t have much to add to your situation. And it’s obvious you don’t want any advice unless it agrees with your own point of view.

Good luck, and please stay safe.

Last edited by JosephS; 08/13/21 03:43 PM.

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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Don, I'm not impressed by your attempts to belittle or bully me. I do not plan to engage or converse with you again. Have a nice day. (:
Bullying? Oh C'mon, seriously? Why not thrown in racism as well since it appears in today's world rather than debate or discuss we just try to claim bulling or being racists rather than discuss the actual topic - which is exactly what I was trying to do - get you to defend your comments. Stand behind what you say - don't deflect. Was I a bit harsh and perhaps belittling you - yeah I guess a bit. I still don't know what your support of destructive behavior has to do with you doing well at work or having your D talk to you. What's the connection? Or are you trying to prove your a solid human? If so, I would have lead with being an amazing cook. From what you've described here you can put most of us to shame with the things you create sometimes last minute for a picnic. You are doing great at GAL activities and clearly make friends very easily. You've somehow attracted the attention and secured dates with far more women in a shorter time frame than 90% of on line daters - or at least 90% of those I know or have heard stories from. I'd be leading with some of these but again I still don't know how it relates.

I'm simply trying to get people to actually start using their minds and do some critical thinking - something that has clearly gone out the window in our current sheep mentality of today's society - just follow what one "expert" says, don't dare question and if you do we'll remove your posts (Facebook, YouTube, Twitter I'm talking to you) or just claim you are racist. We need to hold people accountable. Clearly, there are many ways to do that. I often take a much clearer, stronger stand. But an softer yet clear response can be made. But to say you are jealous of clearly destructive behavior is beyond anything I can understand. You could have have either defended what you said, told me why I was wrong, or could have said, yeah, you're right, I should not have said that, or even clarified like May tried to do for you. But to play the bully card is well, lame and simply not true. If everything becomes bullying, like everything becoming sexual harassment, it erodes actual bullying or harassment. It's much easier to try to throw a label and run for a safe space or security animal or something than it is to articulate your beliefs and point of view. But like with everything, it's always our choice to do the right thing. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a bully.


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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by CWarrior
Don, I'm not impressed by your attempts to belittle or bully me. I do not plan to engage or converse with you again. Have a nice day. (:
Bullying? Oh C'mon, seriously? Why not thrown in racism as well since it appears in today's world rather than debate or discuss we just try to claim bulling or being racists rather than discuss the actual topic - which is exactly what I was trying to do - get you to defend your comments. Stand behind what you say - don't deflect. Was I a bit harsh and perhaps belittling you - yeah I guess a bit. I still don't know what your support of destructive behavior has to do with you doing well at work or having your D talk to you. What's the connection? Or are you trying to prove your a solid human? If so, I would have lead with being an amazing cook. From what you've described here you can put most of us to shame with the things you create sometimes last minute for a picnic. You are doing great at GAL activities and clearly make friends very easily. You've somehow attracted the attention and secured dates with far more women in a shorter time frame than 90% of on line daters - or at least 90% of those I know or have heard stories from. I'd be leading with some of these but again I still don't know how it relates.

I'm simply trying to get people to actually start using their minds and do some critical thinking - something that has clearly gone out the window in our current sheep mentality of today's society - just follow what one "expert" says, don't dare question and if you do we'll remove your posts (Facebook, YouTube, Twitter I'm talking to you) or just claim you are racist. We need to hold people accountable. Clearly, there are many ways to do that. I often take a much clearer, stronger stand. But an softer yet clear response can be made. But to say you are jealous of clearly destructive behavior is beyond anything I can understand. You could have have either defended what you said, told me why I was wrong, or could have said, yeah, you're right, I should not have said that, or even clarified like May tried to do for you. But to play the bully card is well, lame and simply not true. If everything becomes bullying, like everything becoming sexual harassment, it erodes actual bullying or harassment. It's much easier to try to throw a label and run for a safe space or security animal or something than it is to articulate your beliefs and point of view. But like with everything, it's always our choice to do the right thing. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a bully.


I read it the same way you did at first. But I think May is 100% correct. CW has always been the most compassionate person posting here. I think he was trying to relate on her level.

But let’s try to stay on topic. No need to go on a rant about society in general. Bringing up racism was just…bizarre

Last edited by JosephS; 08/13/21 04:24 PM.

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