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Well yesterday was weird.... woke up to a text from STBXH

H: Well that was a weird dream

^^^OK???? Random. Last time he texted me was over a week ago asking about signing the D. I only responded with business items via email.

But, curiosity got to the cat....

Me: What was weird about it?
H: You were in it.
H: You were sort of holding me hostage.
M: Interesting

He continued to text about his dream which was ultimately a sex dream. I quit responding but couldn't stop giggling. For starters while he is shacked up with the skank he is not only having sex dreams about me but is also wanting to discuss them with me... wonder if she knows??? HaHa.

He texted later apologizing and that he probably should not have said anything... I didn't respond.

It doesn't mean anything. I have no expectations. I leave for the beach in 5 days!!!!

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Originally Posted by KitCat
For starters while he is shacked up with the skank he is not only having sex dreams about me but is also wanting to discuss them with me... wonder if she knows??? HaHa.
This is the price for dating low lifes like your STBXH. She is always going to sleep with one eye open.
Originally Posted by KitCat
He texted later apologizing and that he probably should not have said anything... I didn't respond.
He didn't get the response he wanted. He was seeing if you were available for a booty call. Great job and not be interested in being the OW and sloppy seconds.
Originally Posted by KitCat
It doesn't mean anything.
It does mean something. Your STBXH is a dirt bag. Be glad he's not your problem anymore.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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KitCat Offline OP
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I suppose I have way too much empathy but I choose not to call my STBXH names. For starters it doesn't make me feel better and then what does it say about me??? I spent a decade with a dirtbag???

It's not my style.

I got to a point where I'm okay with D. Don't want it but I won't die from it. All that needs done is for my employer to get health care for me... everything else is done, agreed upon and printed.

The change in my STBXH texting about a sex dream I was in was certainly strange and unexpected. He's never learned in like that before in the last 18 months.

I waited a couple of days and sent some texts... that were well received. I'm an adult and I'm aware of my choices. After 48hr of hard core flirting I chose to meetup at 4am at an intersection of 2 highways under a 4 way flasher for some seriously hot and raunchy sex in a car.

I had no expectations.

He seemed really sweet before he left with small talk, opening the door and a goodbye kiss... things I never thought I'd see from him again.

It didn't bother that I didnt hear from him... who knows what inner turnoul he is dealing with. I just had to get through till Monday to hop my flight for my vaca... which is amazing!!!

After 5 days I pondered... is he ghosting me? Or does he think I'm ghosting him? There was some humility befor ghosting him.

Having no expectations and being completely at peace if he got what he wanted and he was done I reached out teasing him about ghosting me... his response was he was starting to think I was ghosting him... so he's a little insecure...

He was then all... how are you, how is vaca, blah blah blah. He started opening up more about himself and not just 3 word sentences. He's had some serious health issues lately and is dealing with a lot of chronic pain. From what I can gather he is spending all his free time out of his house and volunteering physical labor at a veteran campsite.

I didn't want the convo to drag out so I said I have to be on the beach 30min before sun up so I need some sleep... he was very sweet in wishing me goodnight.

I have no expectations.

I'm prepared that the next time we talk it might be about the D.

It just doesn't matter anymore. I'm at peace and I regret nothing... he was more my booty call than the other way around... lol

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Hey KitCat,

I'm glad you had some seriously raunchy sex. No judgment here. Maybe a bit of jealousy, lol!

Originally Posted by KitCat
I didn't want the convo to drag out.
Is this tactical? You care but are cutting conversations short.

My biggest worry is that you still don't want a D. Like you, I don't like to call people names like "dirt bag", but I do recognize he lies, cheats, is abusive, and is manipulative. I worry you still haven't gotten to a place where you want to D him, that you're still open to a relationship with him when you deserve either a life solo or a worthy partner. I also worry some part of you wasn't concerned about meeting him in a deserted place at 4am. I do risky things. I let someone know where I'm going and carry protection.

Imagine you were outside your body, perhaps a sister/hermana/sestra, someone who loves you. What sort of partner do you deserve? Are his actions in-line with that?



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KitCat Offline OP
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I get it CW....

2 other people knew where I was at... and I knew exactly what I signed up for when I met him. Literally no strings attached. Had he wanted to ghost me... such is life. But given our propensity for miscommunication I wanted to make sure he didn't feel i was ghosting him.

I really am okay with the D.... theres part of me that even thinks division of property would be a good thing. That allows me to take care of myself. He was sharing how much he had overspent on his past 2 vacas and how the OT has dried up for the time... it will come back cause it always does.

Cutting the phone call short was tactical in a way... I truly had to get up super early. But, by making myself a priority because I have things planned shows him I have a life. Also it's based on the zeigarnik effect... where as people remember uncompleted tasks more than completed ones. He will be spending the day wondering why I had to be up early on vaca for... that creates curiosity which is the precursor to attraction.

Recon? Not even close. But, I'm able to accept him where he is at at this time. I have a list of must havesif it ever got there.

In the meantime no strings attached sex will work for awhile.... there is something to be said for someone you've known 10yr... you know exactly what buttons to push and when as well as vice versa... best sex I've had in a while.... smile

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Originally Posted by KitCat
2 other people knew where I was at... In the meantime no strings attached sex will work for awhile.... there is something to be said for someone you've known 10yr... you know exactly what buttons to push and when as well as vice versa... best sex I've had in a while.... smile
Glad to hear you were playing safe, KitCat! This part makes sense to me. And, again, a little jealous lol.

The willingness to take him back does not compute. ::shrug::

Enjoy your vacation! Look forward to hearing about your continuing adventures.



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So he’s still a cheater. Except this time you are the OW. At least he’s consistent!

Be careful, Kit. I think you are prolonging your recovery. You can talk about how detached you are and that this has no emotional impact for you, but I don’t think you’re being honest with yourself.

In any case, enjoy it while it lasts.

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All I can say is very predictable.

This will set you back in the long run because there will be expectations.

Like we say on the board "cheaters cheat because that's what they do".

Now if there was only a way you could somehow let OW find out. Hmmmmm......

Last edited by LH19; 08/12/21 12:52 PM.

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The pilot is the smartest man in the world.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by LH19
Now if there was only a way you could somehow let OW find out. Hmmmmm......

Bingo.

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