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A Message from Michele
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Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918454
05/03/21 07:12 PM
05/03/21 07:12 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by shotgun
As far as relationships, I haven't fallen in love. I have met many ladies in six years. Most of them were single.

So why do you think you haven't found the one? Statistically speaking men are more likely to remarry then women.
Originally Posted by shotgun
There are those who are in a relationship who are willing to do the absurd.

I know exactly what you are talking about.
Originally Posted by shotgun
My ex? I have no idea what her life is like. .

You don't speak at all?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Hope for men [Re: CWarrior] #2918455
05/03/21 07:19 PM
05/03/21 07:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Wow, Butterfly, you're scaring me. I dipped my toe in this weekend and 4 women are messaging me! Now I wonder which has a violent ex, which is the stalker, which will ghost me--and who's the normal one? lol.

your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to id the crazy one in the room ASAP and make sure it isn't you!


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

Everyone is doing the best they can, even if it's a lousy job.
Re: Hope for men [Re: CWarrior] #2918456
05/03/21 07:19 PM
05/03/21 07:19 PM
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bttrfly Offline
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Was anyone offended? LH and I are also coming from the male perspective. (:

yeah. it was a bit offensive.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

Everyone is doing the best they can, even if it's a lousy job.
Re: Hope for men [Re: CWarrior] #2918457
05/03/21 07:22 PM
05/03/21 07:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 4,117
Massachusetts
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bttrfly Offline
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
Seriously, though, four years ago I went on like over a dozen online dates and none were so bad. The worst made fun stories. Ms Polyamory, for example. I wonder if something has fundamentally changed or the cesspool bit is an area-by-area thing. If my dates turn out to be crazy, I'll just return to offline dating.

seriously it's an individual thing and i did bring a strong sense of humor to the table - otherwise, yikes~
but i also have to say that I have a whole lot going on right now with my son and my mom, so there is no time to devote to the dating aspect of life. I'm sure that will come in time. I'm equally sure I'm not interested in anyone looking for either a purse or a nurse.


M 20+ T25+
S 15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
H moved out 4/24/15
D Final 12/23/16

Everyone is doing the best they can, even if it's a lousy job.
Re: Hope for men [Re: LH19] #2918468
05/04/21 12:16 AM
05/04/21 12:16 AM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 562
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shotgun Offline OP
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LH19 I am not sure I have been looking for the one. I am having a second childhood of sorts and I haven't given a lot of thought to settling down. As I said earlier, I thought that I would dive right back into another deep relationship but heeded the wise words of my therapist about proceeding cautiously. I definitely have not closed the door to a long term relationship but it really isn't that important to me right now. The process my wife introduced me to has been eye opening and I could write a book on what I have learned about women. There are plenty of people who write about this so I won't do it. Bottom line is a lot of what Michele says is true about relationships. There was a lady who posted tons of information that I have found to be more true. I'll go back and see if she is still here. Her thoughts were that men needed to be more firm with their women. At least in my experience this is true. If you are falling all over yourself to please them you are making a mistake.

As for my ex I don't speak to her. I spent fifteen years talking her off of the ledge and thank God I don't have to do that anymore. She "fired me as her husband" and that is no longer my job. I simply rarely ever think of her.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918469
05/04/21 12:35 AM
05/04/21 12:35 AM
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Posts: 17,087
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kml Online
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Quote
Her thoughts were that men needed to be more firm with their women. At least in my experience this is true. If you are falling all over yourself to please them you are making a mistake.


Umm...no. This is not a man-woman thing, and if you think you need to be "firm" with a wife like she's a child - nope. Big nope!

That being said - bending ourselves into pretzels to try to please a partner is generally not helpful. They actually have more respect for us if we stand up for ourselves. I was probably too accommodating in my marriage, because I'm easygoing and my ex was high-maintenance. I didn't expect enough from my ex in the relationship. In my dating life, it appears, the less interested I am, the more interested a guy is. Everybody wants to "win" their partner. I let my ex win too easily.

Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918472
05/04/21 01:15 AM
05/04/21 01:15 AM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by shotgun
LH19 I am not sure I have been looking for the one. I am having a second childhood of sorts and I haven't given a lot of thought to settling down. As I said earlier, I thought that I would dive right back into another deep relationship but heeded the wise words of my therapist about proceeding cautiously. I definitely have not closed the door to a long term relationship but it really isn't that important to me right now. The process my wife introduced me to has been eye opening and I could write a book on what I have learned about women. There are plenty of people who write about this so I won't do it. Bottom line is a lot of what Michele says is true about relationships. There was a lady who posted tons of information that I have found to be more true. I'll go back and see if she is still here. Her thoughts were that men needed to be more firm with their women. At least in my experience this is true. If you are falling all over yourself to please them you are making a mistake.

As for my ex I don't speak to her. I spent fifteen years talking her off of the ledge and thank God I don't have to do that anymore. She "fired me as her husband" and that is no longer my job. I simply rarely ever think of her.

You’re talking about Sandi. She posts all the time how men need to be more firm.

Sounds like you are doing well though I sense a hint of bitterness in your writing.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Hope for men [Re: kml] #2918473
05/04/21 01:36 AM
05/04/21 01:36 AM
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Posts: 562
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shotgun Offline OP
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kml, my intention is to speak from my own perspective as a man. Primarily when it comes to dating post divorce. No doubt much of this applies to both men and women. I can't remember how Michele describes it; a teeter totter or something.....Pulling away causes the other person to draw nearer.


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: LH19] #2918474
05/04/21 01:44 AM
05/04/21 01:44 AM
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shotgun Offline OP
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LH19, could be Sandi. Perhaps I am bitter. I don't do an incredible amount of self diagnosis. I am simply making observations and attempting to learn. Repeating but very focused on my physical and emotional health and making financial choices that will afford me leisure time in my later years. Marveling at the nutty world of dating at fifty-four years old!


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Re: Hope for men [Re: shotgun] #2918475
05/04/21 08:48 AM
05/04/21 08:48 AM
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 66
England
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markw Offline
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Originally Posted by shotgun
The self evaluations and descriptions are often delusional.

Do agree with this one, reading a lot of female profiles! i am finding that a lot of the woman are living in Fantasy land and expecting a perfect man to whisk them off there feet! (knight in shining armour) even the shorter woman want 6 foot and above and athletic men (over 60 years old?)

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