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Taking care of you is the most important. Just know this part of the process will end and you will have time to relax.

HUGS


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Hey Elbereth! Don't worry about reading our threads while you're so busy. I'd love to hear how you're doing?


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

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Thank you all. Yeah, I've been stretched to the limit and each day I think I will have time to be online, I end up just collapsing in bed and crashing. It's been hard. I haven't had much help as many of my friends and family do not even want to be near my STBXH...so I've really had very little help. And as I wasn't able to separate what is mine from his, it's not like I could hire movers like normal people. So I am just doing a bit every day.

I've had very little time for self-care lately. But things will calm down at the end of the month and I will get back to my normal self-care walks and such. Right now, I am just trying to eat well, sleep enough, and get some down time each day and not work myself to death. ha!

Mentally, I am in a weird place. I've had bouts of sadness, but it's not that I want my STBXH back. It's more like sad over the loss of my dreams of the future, my life as I knew it, and fears about losing the extended family. Things like that. However, I did hear from his family and they do seem to love me and want to remain close to me regardless of what is happening with H and I. So that helps.

On the job front, I have been given the opportunity to try to define my new full time position and there are a bunch of meetings this week at the office with upper level management. Hoping things go well and I get set up with a job I will love to do and a pay that is worth it.

Well, behind on things for today, so let me get back to it. I do want to catch up on all your threads. You guys mean a lot to me too!

Hugs,
El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


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(((Elbereth)))

Just stopping in to say hello and I'm thinking of you! Exciting news about the job! I remain so impressed with your attitude and self-awareness... you totally got this, sister!

xx May


Me (45) H (41)
M:13 T:17, D8 & D11
4/19 BD #1 ILYB
8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA
12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA
2-5/20 R attempt #1
6/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP
9/20-present R attempt #2
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May! I've missed you! Thanks for stopping by!

Still packing and moving, still stressed, and still exhausted. Have hardly had any help as no one wants to be around my STBXH. So sorting, packing, moving and unpacking has been overwhelming. I've also been working extra hours with work and I've been told that I have an offer package coming for a higher-level full-time position at the parent company, so it would be an increase in income as well as more security. Fingers crossed they give me a solid offer!

As for my mental state, I'm stressed and tired, but otherwise positive and moving forward. I've really come to realize that I really don't want to be with my STBXH anymore, so that has helped while dealing with all the stuff we are dealing with. The house is almost empty, and work has started on both the interior and the exterior. The market is crazy so we are hopeful we will make some good profit on the house...even though it breaks my heart to lose it. So just need to get through the next month until we have it ready.

I've still not caught up on everyone's situations. I'm sorry I am not being much use to any of you right now. I'm so overwhelmed and I have had very little down time, and hardly any time for self care beyond sleep...which has also been in short supply. But I know all of this will settle and soon things will be calmer and I'll have more time. Just right now there is just not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything I'm dealing with.

Sending love and hugs to all of you. I miss you! And I hope things are going well for each and every one of you! If you check in, give me an update on my thread! That will help me to catch up!

xo
El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


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Hello friends,

Had some time to myself this evening so popped in to check on what I've been missing. ha! Seems I picked the night that the big dump is happening, so I do hope my posts on others feeds stick around on the other side!

I've been completely overwhelmed and exhausted. But I'm dealing enough...in that my health is level and not deteriorating. I keep losing a lot of hair though. Ugh. I'm doing my best to make self-care a priority but it's been very hard. I'm working extra hours now (but still waiting for the offer packet for full time), I have another project that I have to finish as well for another client, and I've been still sorting, packing moving, unpacking and repeat each weekend. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day. So sleep has been my biggest self-care. I need more walks and time, but right now I'm struggling with it all. As soon as the house is on the market, I will be in a better place and have more time...

With all of this stress, I recently also had an episode with bats in the house, so now I've been getting rabies vaccines, which wiped me out for two days and seems to make me feel super tired after each dose. When will my life settle? I'm READY! Can I just skip all this BS and get there already? ha!

I've been friendly with the STBXH to keep things emotionally simple for me. I just don't have the energy for any drama. He's moved away and is only in town here and there for moving and such. I think he's starting to think we are buds...even though I told him that I don't want to be friends after the divorce happens. Right now we have to be around each other a lot while we get the house sold, but after that I am looking forward to talking to him less and less everyday. Oddly, he's made constant effort to connect. For example, he sounded a bit pushy on a text and I wrote back and said that is what I was hearing. He called and apologized and I acted unemotional about it, but was like "yeah, you sounded that way, but okay, glad you didn't mean it, thanks". Then like four hours later I get another apology text from him about it. I guess it was bugging him all day, but I had already moved on from it? Then this evening he said he's coming back to town and wanted me to join he and our son for dinner, and I was like "well, you can see him without me if you want" to make it clear that I really don't care if I see him or not for dinner. We have done dinners together with the whole move process, but those are not dinners out. That's different than throwing something together after moving all day.... And what, we are going out to dinner like a family, when we are no longer a family and you are having an affair? WTF?

So maybe he's feeling me pull away. And it's real, because I am. I really don't want to be with him anymore. Sure, there are parts of him that I will always love. But I really have no desire to reconcile now. I just want to get past all of this so I can get on with my life. He would have to do some major work on himself for me to even consider anything even remotely to friendship after this. Not that I want to be his enemy or be ugly, because I don't. But I don't want someone who has shown me less respect than anyone else in my life for a friend. I deserve so much more than that. Have I forgiven him? If forgiveness is letting go of the anger and just focusing on myself, then yes, I guess I have. I just have no desire to put any energy into that relationship beyond what is necessary for the kids and family members. Sure, I'm still sad and I cry. But it's due to disappointment more than anything.

I guess if I look back on where I was when I joined this forum, I probably seem like a different person. I guess maybe I am. I'm a changed person who is growing, trying to thrive, and looking towards the future I am making for myself. I do feel stronger. Exhausted, but stronger.

Thanks friends for sharing this journey with me. smile

El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


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E,

You are doing really well and I am impressed by your strength.

WWs go through separation anxiety just like the LBS.

I would say it took my exw over a year of minimal responses to about my children and no responses to anything else for her to get it.

Keep going!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Hi El,

Sorry to hear you are so exhausted. You have a lot to deal with at the moment, in an emotional way as well as work, the move, etc. The combination of all these things can be hard but believe me, it will get better.

Definitely try to find some "me-time", those boxes can wait to be unpacked. wink

I'm always impressed of how quickly you move on, I assume you are somebody who processes fast, or am I wrong?

Anyway, lots of courage and you know we are here for you. whistle


Me (43) H (42)
M:14 T:18, S17, S14 & S14
4/19 BD1 ILYB & OW1 til 2/20
8/20 Moves abroad for W,shows improvement
12/20 BD2 back in tunnel,OW2,wants divorce(no action)
6/21 improvement noticeable again
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I live out in the sticks, so an occasional bat in the house is part of the deal. Since I had the roof replaced last summer we haven't had any bats in the attic or roof. Is rabies vaccination a standard where you are? Or was it a bat infestation?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Thanks all,

Eagle3, I am very analytical and logical. Before the BD, I had been delving into marriage skills, and after the BD, I dug into even more information about my situation. I am humble enough to admit the areas I know I need to work on, but I am analytical and logical enough to recognize things in my relationship that I see now I made excuses for, ignored, or put up with. So in the 8 or so months of dealing with the situation from where I've been, I just have come to realize that I deserve more than my STBXH gave me, that there were signs of his selfishness and weakness for a long time, etc. So I have now realized that I want more. And I am not sure that even with counseling he could ever be what I want him to be as a partner. Sure, it could be the MLC, and this part of him might change when he wakes up, but honestly, some of the signs go further back. I'm not sure it's being strong. I have no choice in many ways but to move forward. I do have the choice to put myself first, so that is what I am doing. Moving on from him is part of that.

And SteveLW, I live in a city, but we have a lot of green spaces and therefore bats. I had a couple of windows on the second floor open just an inch or so. They must have been chasing a bug towards the light in the house. But as one hit me and there was blood, they advised the vaccine as rabies is found in bats in our area. Maybe it's paranoia, but without catching the bat and having it tested, I sure didn't want to end up with the chance of rabies. We don't use screens much here...so it was just a random thing. Not usual at all. And not an attack. I think I turned the lights on and came into the hallway and freaked it out. They don't like bright lights.

El


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


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