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Steve_ Offline OP
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Indeed Thornton,


I just accepted the fact that not myself or any other man will be enough for her until she is enough for herself. And because she refuses to work on herself there will never be an end to her wayward heart. That is what makes me sad, not the loss of the M I know I will be okay and find a fulfilling partner. But the sadness comes from seeing such a beautiful person that I truly adored turn to men for her own value, to feel good about herself and wanted. That truly is what breaks my heart. But ultimately she will hopefully one day realize what she has done and make peace with it as I have. I know I was far from perfect and I addressed my issues in the M head on in the eyes. She hopefully will do the same one day. I pray for that


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Boy for someone who wasn't going to say anymore you had a lot to say.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Yes I am not over my WW but I know I cannot be with her and I accept it. And something really nice happened yesterday.

Steve my best guess is that it will likely take you 3-5 years to get over her.
Originally Posted by Steve_
WW messaged me “I know you hate me but my kids haven’t called or anything today and it’s Mother’s Day and it’s hard for me”

Proper response: This is hard on everyone
Originally Posted by Steve_
I responded “I don’t hate you, we did go get you a card and a flower, I know you are at work so that’s why, but if you have time feel free to call the kids”

See above
Originally Posted by Steve_
So I said “finishing that divorce last week was the hardest thing I ever did, but I had to because what I want and deserve you cannot give me. I do love you and I always will but I don’t have 2-3 years to wait while you have other men come and go in your life, I need commitment, honestly, loyalty and integrity”

Illusion of action. I need to do or say the right thing to change her mind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She said “I have been crying a lot, I didn’t think you would ever file it, it hurt me very bad when you did”

WW Translation: Nice try Steve I know I can have you back with a snap of my fingers
Originally Posted by Steve_
I told her “I had to, for me, because I deserve better than this”

Illusion of action. I need to do or say the right thing to change her mind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She responded “I know, and you do, it’s just hard to see Steven give up, I never thought you would”

WW translation: Steve who are you kidding. You haven't given up.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I told her “we were always close, best friends, maybe one day god will fix us but not anytime soon and I see that, that’s why I did it”

Illusion of action. I need to do or say the right thing to change her mind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She said “I know in time I can be good, I can give you those things, but right now I cannot, and I just wanted you to hang in there and give me time”

WW translation: I need more time to lineup your replacement
Originally Posted by Steve_
I said “I did for 7 months, and if that was not enough I’m afraid nothing ever will be, I told her also, it’s okay, I’m not mad, go be free, go be beautiful, but please make good choices in your partner for the children, they have been through a lot, the greatest gift I could have offered you as your husband is to let you go, you wanted to be free and now you are so just consider the kids when you make choices that effect them please”

Illusion of action. I need to do or say the right thing to change her mind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She said “thank you so much” and admitted to going on a date last night but not feeling good about it because the kids are still really upset she left me to begin with and she doesn’t want to hurt them again.

Of course she was on a date last night!
Originally Posted by Steve_
I just ended things with “happy Mother’s Day from the bottom of my heart and I hope you will reach out if the children need anything.

Illusion of action. I need to do or say the right thing to change her mind.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She responded with crying emojis and said thank you, that she was sorry for everything, and that she hopes some day things will change

Maybe a hint of sincerity in this staement.


Originally Posted by Steve_
I feel like this convo was not necessary but there was this animosity about the D that I feel is ironed out. Her tone went from anger to sadness and then just a friendly manner during the convo. As much as it pains me to hear she is dating I know that’s what she wanted and I wanted to make my peace with her over that. I know eventually I will find a partner when god intends that for me. For now I move forward.

Definitely not necessary.
Originally Posted by Steve_
Today I go and pick up my associates degree in nursing from the school. I’m happy to have that done, soon I will do my bridge program to RN and then go back to the school where I got my previous bachelors and get my bachelors in nursing done. I have really attainable goals and I can see myself living a life without WW. A happy life. And I prayed for that for a long time.

You most certainly can Steve. No more setbacks.

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Steve_, I'm not going to 2x4 you but just remind you: You've been told over and over again that you interact with her too much, and say too much. You have a chance to 180 on that moving forward.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Originally Posted by SteveLW
Steve_, I'm not going to 2x4 you but just remind you: You've been told over and over again that you interact with her too much, and say too much. You have a chance to 180 on that moving forward.

What Steve says. (:

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I understand what you guys are saying. I did over for that but I felt at that point I wanted to just get the animosity over with. She invited me to Disneyland with the kids. I said no. They are down there now. I just can’t keep playing the kids emotions when she wants to act like family.

She also asked me to move the storage for her consolidate it, I told her I would do it, but for $200 since a company will charge 300 at least. She looked surprised but I am $200 richer.

She honestly thought I’d never quit, never see my own value. She thought wrong. She asked me to unblock her from my social media and be friends. I told her maybe some day but not for the foreseeable future.

I’m doing great otherwise. Thanks for following along everyone it helps me a ton. And I appreciate it


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
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As predicted, she keeps trying. Steve_ gird up your loins because she is coming for you.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Originally Posted by Steve_
She invited me to Disneyland with the kids. I said no.

This is great if that's how it went down. You have a tendency to try to explain your reasons behind everything.

Originally Posted by Steve_
She also asked me to move the storage for her consolidate it, I told her I would do it, but for $200 since a company will charge 300 at least. She looked surprised but I am $200 richer.

See here you engaged so you lose.

Originally Posted by Steve_
She honestly thought I’d never quit, never see my own value.

Easy there big fella. I am still not convinced of either. A man who values himself will not sell his worth for $200.

Originally Posted by Steve_
She asked me to unblock her from my social media and be friends. I told her maybe some day but not for the foreseeable future.

Wrong answer! "no" or ignore

Steve I don't want to discourage you because I see some progress but I am afraid you are still trying to manipulate her and she is WAY better at the game then you. The person who cares the least about a relationship is the one in control. If you do not cut all contact minus the kids I fear you will never move forward. I do not envy you because she is probably going to make your life miserable for the unforeseeable future.

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Don’t go popping the champagne yet.

She’s probably down in Disneyland concocting the next manipulation of you.

She will come back and say “we missed you, would have been great for us all to be together down in Disenyland.”

She is going to do something in the next little while to confirm she still has you on her hook (which she does). Eventually you’ll crack and have a long conversation or send her a long, explanatory text. Then she will wryly smile, knowing she wins again… rinse and repeat.

Like LH19 said, short business answers with no explanations. As you’ve been told lots of times, don’t respond without first seeking advice here!!!

“Want to come to Disneyland?” - “No thanks.”
“Unblock me from social media.” - Do NOT respond to this BS.
“I want to talk when I get back from Disneyland.” - “I’m busy.”
“Can you do this favour me?” - “No, I’m busy.” (Note no explanation about what you are doing to make her jealous).
Blah blah blah BS - “I’d prefer to keep our communication only about the children.”

And when she brings her A game and you’re about to send a reply which is more than 5 words, or you think you will talk to her about it…. Remember, she’s probably down in Disneyland trying to pick up guys.

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Agree with everything being said. Oh...and one other thing... she doesn’t want you to unblock her so you can be friends. She wants you to unblock her so she can A) Keep an eye on you and make comments on your photos to scare off other people and B) more importantly, she wants you to be able to see her posts so you can see how much better her life is without you in it. Do NOT be fooled Steve. This isn’t about being friends. This is about her wanting to maintain control and keep you solidly as Plan B... or in her case... Plan Z. Keep moving forward my friend. You cannot fix something that you didn’t break. She was never yours...it was just your turn. (((HUGS)))

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I believe your focus is in the wrong place.

Originally Posted by Steve_
I understand what you guys are saying. I did over for that but I felt at that point I wanted to just get the animosity over with. She invited me to Disneyland with the kids. I said no. They are down there now. I just can’t keep playing the kids emotions when she wants to act like family.

She also asked me to move the storage for her consolidate it, I told her I would do it, but for $200 since a company will charge 300 at least. She looked surprised but I am $200 richer.

She honestly thought I’d never quit, never see my own value. She thought wrong. She asked me to unblock her from my social media and be friends. I told her maybe some day but not for the foreseeable future.

I’m doing great otherwise. Thanks for following along everyone it helps me a ton. And I appreciate it




"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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