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Originally Posted by Steve_
Whilst on this little move thing everyone was sitting outside and they essentially began to rip into WW. Her sister just let her have it about how stupid she is being and throwing her life away, they looked over at me and i just continued smoking my cigarette and shrugged. Not even getting involved in it kinda attitude. But the WW goes and tells me "relax everyone, im just taking a break from my marriage" Her sister looked at me and said something in their language to me, and I just nodded no. She pushed more and I couldnt hold it back.. I was 5 feet away and chuckled at that. WW says what? whats so funny? I replied with, "there are no breaks in a marriage" Then her sister continued to lay into her about how she is lying to all of us and shes being stupid and could easily have her own "me" time even in her M... once again I couldnt hold it back and I dont even care at this point about saving the M so I said my peace I said "its not about me time, im not controlling at all, its about seeing other men, getting attention from other men, and that is what hurts me the most, because you shouldnt need that, you are better than that" and WW went into a fit, she said "im not Fing anyone" and then went on to say "we are getting divorced so its whatever" then I once again laughed and said "thought you were on a break? you just said that" with a smirk... I wanted to just walk away but It felt good for her to be called out in front of all the people shes been lying to. She made a disrespectful comment toward me about how I wouldnt drop the issue so I said "you guys brought it up, i was just smokin" then I said "honesly I will take the kids and go if your gonna be disrespectful to me" she said "if you leave you will never see me again I swear" and I just rolled my eyes and said .. whatever dude... and went inside.

Did your kids witness this in ANY way? Did they hear even 1% of it?


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Absolutely not. I will not be disrespected or talk about this in front of the kids and neither will she.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
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Steve_ Offline OP
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The forum helped me slowly open my eyes to what’s going on here. It was 11 years of this and I didn’t understand how F’f up it was. To me this kind of stuff happened and people just kept it quiet and moved along. Now I realize it’s much worse than I thought. And I realize I have a lot of value and made a lot of mistakes as a man that I need to work on as far as being comfortable being me and expecting fair treatment in an R.

As I said the moving was the last interaction I needed to have and regardless of various opinions here I was going to help them move. They have been absolutely nothing but good and supportive to me and my kids. They bend over backwards anytime we ever needed anything at all. Just because my WW wants to be an attention seeking teenager doesn’t mean I will cut them out of my life and not be there for them when they need it in return.

Popular on this board? No. But I made that choice and if this is about saving M’s and nobody believes mine is savable then what’s the difference? I’m not playing games anymore. I’m doing what I believe is right and not accepting anything less than what I feel I deserve. That is what I learned from this board. And I will continue on with that.

Also LH, since I sort of voiced my opinion in the R melee the fam had she has apologized, offered to spend time with me and promised she isn’t seeing anyone. Gave me many reassurances that she is returning and will do better (Now that’s all BS) but since that argument that’s what has happened. No actions just words but again, I hold very very very little hope she can put the rubber to the road and not just say what is minimum to keep that option of me open if the next OM doesn’t pan out. That’s the reality and I see it.

Thanks for everything all of you.
I am doing much better
But I got a long ways to go.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,132
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Originally Posted by Steve_
I wanted to just walk away but It felt good for her to be called out in front of all the people shes been lying to. She made a disrespectful comment toward me about how I wouldnt drop the issue so I said "you guys brought it up, i was just smokin" then I said "honesly I will take the kids and go if your gonna be disrespectful to me" she said "if you leave you will never see me again I swear" and I just rolled my eyes and said .. whatever dude... and went inside.


The entire exchange above shows a weak man. You sat back and watched your WW get tore down by her family and enjoyed it. Like a sibling watching mom/dad go after the sibling that never gets in trouble for nothing.

What would a man do in this situation, a strong alpha man?

You made a threat and didn't follow through on it. That's weakness at it's height.

What would a alpha man do after he makes a declaration? You "rolled your eyes and said whatever dude", Wow really is that alpha?

You are beaming with beta tendencies. Take yourself out of situations with her family, that is no longer your party to be at.

I agree, helping her parents move isn't a bad thing, but sitting around, waiting around, being around all of that is not healthy for a man trying to heal from a WW actions.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
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Originally Posted by joejoe
The entire exchange above shows a weak man.

Yes, help or don't help, it's bizarre he chose to chill with her and converse in this way. So many logical ways to approach this. E.g., my ex-GF would help her in-laws on the condition her ex not be present.

Originally Posted by Steve_
Absolutely not. I will not be disrespected or talk about this in front of the kids and neither will she.

You don't control what she says to the kids. You control what you say to them.

Originally Posted by Steve_
I know this is what it is, its not my fault, its not me deserving this, this is on her and her crazy need for attention from multiple facets because of her own problems that I cannot ever fix or be good enough to be the only man in her life.

Steve, it is your fault you're in this situation--this is on you and your crazily low self-esteem. If someone puts their hand in a mental patient's cell and gets bitten, they are a victim. If they do it 7x in a row and even give the mental patient treats for doing so--we realize both people could use treatment. This has nothing to do with whether you hope the patient will get better, whether you feel compassion for the patient, etc. Over and over we recommend your best way to a healthy, happy life for you and your kids is to stop interacting with her and prioritize therapy. You keep posting unhealthy interactions, and declaring you don't discuss them here in advance, because you don't want to be talked out of them. There are plenty of therapists who would see you same-day (locally or online) and we've established you have $$$ for a 1st session or 1st month.

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If you think for one second that your 7 time cheating wife will EVER change, then you are in trouble my friend.

I don’t care if her family says she has changed and promises she isn’t cheating now. I don’t care what she says to you. I don’t care if she shows you her phone logs. She will forever cheat on whoever she is with. It’s deeply engrained in her and will ALWAYS end up with her in the bed of another man.

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Hey Steve, it’s been a week. What’s going on?


Me: 40
EX:37
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

BD 03/06/20, divorced 12/23/21
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So not much really. Took my kids fishing and to drive the RC trucks, crashed mine into a rock at like 55mph so I gotta fix a part on it. Been working a lot this week. Back on Monday the WW asked if I would like to take the kids to dinner with the in-laws to my favorite restraunt as a thanks for moving stuff for them. I agreed took the kids, we ate. She asked if wanted to come over after to just hang out and I said “I’m gonna go home”she said okay, you smell nice and that was that. Since Monday I have said nothing to her whatsoever. She has sent me a joke which I didnt respond to. and asked me questions regarding a VR headset for my son by calling me, which I said not a good idea and I have to go and hung up. she asked me to take Friday off work so i can watch the kids (her parents out of town) so she can work since she makes more $. I said I can’t do that sorry, i am not calling in. I’m here at work today lol. last night she sends me a video of herself from my son’s iPad essentially fake complaining that he is being bad and for me to come get him..like “oh no he’s driving me crazy...” (but not really) I responded by sending the sleeping emoji. I don’t talk, I don’t call, I don’t do anything and if it’s a request or anything I deny it in as little words as possible. No anger no emotion no nothing. I think she will get the hint soon. I hope so.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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As long as she gets a reaction out of you she will keep sending you stuff.

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It's a start. Showing her your indifferent is better than conversation. Ideally, blocking her number and sticking to just email is even better than showing her you're indifferent.

I blocked WW phone number and we only communicate by email and then only about child related matters.

Last edited by Drh2001; 04/23/21 09:41 PM.
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