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Steve_'s Journey forward #2917844
04/15/21 05:22 PM
04/15/21 05:22 PM
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Posts: 474
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Steve_  Offline OP
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Link to last thread

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2917074&page=11


So just an update. I Helped my in-laws move furniature over to AZ this past couple days, They were very greatful for that, and for all they do for my kids it was the least I could do. During this time WW was there along with my kids, her parents and sister and BIL. I didnt say much to WW and just focused on moving the things and my kids, slept in seperate rooms, just tried to be happy. This was sort of the last encounter that I needed to deal with as far as my WW and IL's. I know you guys would tell me not to have moved the furniature for them but I did it for my IL's not WW. And I made that very clear.

Whilst on this little move thing everyone was sitting outside and they essentially began to rip into WW. Her sister just let her have it about how stupid she is being and throwing her life away, they looked over at me and i just continued smoking my cigarette and shrugged. Not even getting involved in it kinda attitude. But the WW goes and tells me "relax everyone, im just taking a break from my marriage" Her sister looked at me and said something in their language to me, and I just nodded no. She pushed more and I couldnt hold it back.. I was 5 feet away and chuckled at that. WW says what? whats so funny? I replied with, "there are no breaks in a marriage" Then her sister continued to lay into her about how she is lying to all of us and shes being stupid and could easily have her own "me" time even in her M... once again I couldnt hold it back and I dont even care at this point about saving the M so I said my peace I said "its not about me time, im not controlling at all, its about seeing other men, getting attention from other men, and that is what hurts me the most, because you shouldnt need that, you are better than that" and WW went into a fit, she said "im not Fing anyone" and then went on to say "we are getting divorced so its whatever" then I once again laughed and said "thought you were on a break? you just said that" with a smirk... I wanted to just walk away but It felt good for her to be called out in front of all the people shes been lying to. She made a disrespectful comment toward me about how I wouldnt drop the issue so I said "you guys brought it up, i was just smokin" then I said "honesly I will take the kids and go if your gonna be disrespectful to me" she said "if you leave you will never see me again I swear" and I just rolled my eyes and said .. whatever dude... and went inside.

Later on she came around and apologized, said she isnt going anywhere, that she knows im in her future and that she just needs time alone to figure herself out because she doesnt want to come back to the M and bail again later or hurt me until she is ready. So I took that with a grain of salt and said, "seems like you got a lot on your mind, im gonna lay down, hope you figure it out" I did take my kids and go back 6 hours home. Took care of them and she thanked me like 100 times. Havent said anything since then and I dont plan on it. I didnt force this interaction but I looked it in the face and said my peace right or wrong I said it in a respectful but no-nonsense kind of way. I dont feel bad about that.

Other than that Ive been doing good, hitting gym, taking care of business, helping 2 friends get ready for nursing school.
I also signed up for a class in june to get IV and blood draw certification on my license. Im staying busy. It was the right thing to do to help my IL's move, I did not intend to get caught in that argument but it happened, now WW wants to act like this is all an innocent temporary thing. Yeah no its not, there will be a next OM. Im not stupid. I will continue to move forward regardless of what she does.

Last edited by Steve_; 04/15/21 05:24 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
She moved in with "roomate" 10/15/20
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
Filed 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917845
04/15/21 06:05 PM
04/15/21 06:05 PM
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Posts: 6,546
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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So Steve I think it is ok you helped your ILs move but what do you think you accomplished with those exchanges?

You continue to look weak waiting for your W to sew 1,000 oats.

Eventually she will find someone new. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917846
04/15/21 07:07 PM
04/15/21 07:07 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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I agree with you saying we will say you shouldn't have helped. I think this is all part of your anxious attachment.

Not really concerned about the back and forth once you were there, that will happen in these cases. I think you would have been better off just letting your SiL fight the battle for you.

Steve_ I do have to take you to a bit of task. I have been after you to get into proper IC. You've resisted. Part of your problem with it has been cost (getting VA approval). Yet you smoke. I bet you could quit smoking (I know it is harder for some than others, I was able to quit relatively easily years ago, but have a long time friend that has smoked for 40 years), get into IC and save money!

Hopefully this is the last time you put yourself into a situation like this. I would have loved for you to have brought it here before going to help but then we know why you didn't do that.

Last edited by SteveLW; 04/15/21 07:07 PM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917847
04/15/21 07:10 PM
04/15/21 07:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 474
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Steve_  Offline OP
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Posts: 474
yeah I know LH,

Im expecting her to find a new OM if she doesnt already have 1 or 2 she is hiding. At this point there really is nothing to do but move forward regardless of what she does or does not do.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
She moved in with "roomate" 10/15/20
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
Filed 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917848
04/15/21 07:14 PM
04/15/21 07:14 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,753
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SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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Steve_, if I haven't said this, I want to sincerely thank you for your service. I know you've talked about having to witness things you have in your tour(s) of duty. You are a true hero and I thank you for answering the call and volunteering to serve your country. I hope you will do your kids the favor you owe them and get yourself as mentally healthy as possible. My step FiL was in Vietnam and he and his kids, and to a lesser extent my W, still bear some of the scars of his service there. I pray you will reconsider getting the therapy you need to be the best you can be for your kids and for yourself!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917849
04/15/21 07:18 PM
04/15/21 07:18 PM
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 474
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Steve_ Offline OP
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Steve_  Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2019
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SteveLW

Yes I didnt mention it here because I made the choice to help my IL's move regardless of what anyone says. These people have supported us for 11 years, they bought a house for us to live in twice, they care for my kids 4 days a week while WW is out galavanting. I was not going to not help them.

I dont smoke regularly, and I am doing counseling with the VA. I just talked to the guy 2 days ago. He decreased my anti-depressant dose as well. Im going to be honest and be straight up, I have hope my WW can change and turn herself around, for the sake of my family and the fact that she is a very special woman but so naive to men befriending her. She get sucked into the attention game and throws logic to the wayside. I know that most likely will be her lifetime personality but I hold a small hope that will change. My only big difference is that now I do nothing to try to change it, no R talks, no gifts, no anything. I am letting her do whatever the hell she wants and leaving her alone. All the judgment and feedback comes from her own family, I keep quiet, care for my kids and work, thats it. Since easter thats been all I do plain and simple. I did tell her that the friend thing isnt gonna work for me and that I deserve better than that. She said "I know" and its been good between us but I am just tired of being plan Z. Im not ready to make some big push or anything to end our legal marraige and dissapear, I will just continue to try and detatch as much as I can and remain in a better place along the way. So far im doing better than I was, Im not there yet, but a lot better than even a month ago. I know this is what it is, its not my fault, its not me deserving this, this is on her and her crazy need for attention from multiple facets because of her own problems that I cannot ever fix or be good enough to be the only man in her life. I see it and accept it. Thats what im working on.

And thank you for the support it means a lot sir.

Last edited by Steve_; 04/15/21 07:24 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
She moved in with "roomate" 10/15/20
OM "a friend" confirmed 10/27/20
OM gone 01/20/2021.
Filed 5/3/2021
OM returned 5/4/2021
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917850
04/15/21 07:25 PM
04/15/21 07:25 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,753
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SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Yes I didnt mention it here because I made the choice to help my IL's move regardless of what anyone says. These people have supported us for 11 years, they bought a house for us to live in twice, they care for my kids 4 days a week while WW is out galavanting. I was not going to not help them.


Just trying to help you move forward, and being around her and her family isn't moving forward. Your life, your choices. You owe them nothing. And they are HER parents. When the chips are down, blood is thicker than water. They will support her, even when they do not like the choices she makes.

I am back to not understanding how the forum can help you. You resist at every turn. I hope you know that I truly hope for nothing but the best for you and your kids. Peace.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917851
04/15/21 07:44 PM
04/15/21 07:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
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LH19 Offline
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LH19  Offline
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Yes I didn't mention it here because I made the choice to help my IL's move regardless of what anyone says. These people have supported us for 11 years, they bought a house for us to live in twice, they care for my kids 4 days a week while WW is out galivanting. I was not going to not help them.

Again Steve I have no issue with you helping them move.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I'm going to be honest and be straight up, I have hope my WW can change and turn herself around, for the sake of my family and the fact that she is a very special woman but so naïve to men befriending her.

Steve your W is not going to change anytime soon.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I did tell her that the friend thing isn't gonna work for me and that I deserve better than that.

So what has changed since you made that statement?
Originally Posted by Steve_
She said "I know" and its been good between us but I am just tired of being plan Z.

So how do you prevent yourself from being plan Z?
Originally Posted by Steve_
I'm not ready to make some big push or anything to end our legal marriage and disappear, I will just continue to try and detach as much as I can and remain in a better place along the way.

I see a lot of pain in your future.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917852
04/15/21 07:49 PM
04/15/21 07:49 PM
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Ginger1 Offline
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What makes her a very special woman?

She isn’t naive . She plays a sick game and she plays it well

Re: Steve_'s Journey forward [Re: Steve_] #2917854
04/15/21 08:16 PM
04/15/21 08:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 616
Illinois
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mtb1981 Offline
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Then I said "honesly I will take the kids and go if your gonna be disrespectful to me" she said "if you leave you will never see me again I swear" and I just rolled my eyes and said .. whatever dude... and went inside.


You should have called her bluff, left, and gone NC...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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