Yes, mowing season is upon us once again. I noticed the lilacs are in full bloom already. Everything in my area is about a month ahead of schedule this year. The bugs are terrible this year.
Jealous. I love lilacs - every year I take some out when I go "visiting the relatives" at the various cemeteries around here. This year I need to actually go and get my plot bought - not that I have any intention of using it any time soon. I've known since I was a young boy where I would end up - the same cemetery where my ancestors and various cousins have been placed for nearly 200 years. It's a lovely spot in the corner of a farmer's field on top of a hill. Plots are surprisingly affordable too - I believe that it will cost me about $600 for a double - again - not sure when or how that will be used. I had looked into this shortly after my divorce but then for one reason and another didn't follow up. Like I think a number of our ex-spouses my ex-wife was very phobic on the subject of death and passively refused to work with me on getting our wills done up - until oddly after her cheating was discovered. She did like decorative pillows as I mentioned on another rather morbid thread.
It's been a rather tough week. I wrote a long post yesterday but deleted it before hitting send. Work has been very tough in part because I've been covering for the operations manager for the past week. It will be interesting to observe what he thinks of the state of his department when he gets back. A mistake was made by one of the guys that resulted in a lot of trouble - no safety issue - but it will affect the movement of railcars and production within the plant for probably the next week. Even though I could throw the guy under the bus I'm choosing to take on at least a portion of the responsibility. The instructions I had given weren't clear to "not" do this thing and superficially I would have made the same choice. He's well informed by his co-workers and the company president that he messed up as well and it's not the first time he's made similar mistakes. He's a good and hard worker and I personally think that properly led that he would do so much better than he does, but at least in part because there is little or no direct supervision at the plant the guys are often left to having to make these decisions on their own.
We also lost one of the senior engineering people. He had been on a leave of absence for the past month so I had been covering for part of that and setting aside other things for when he got back. Rumour had told me that he had a health issue. He put in his resignation yesterday and our boss - the company president called me to let me know. I was talking to one of the guys later in the day and he said that the story he had was that the guy quit because he was feeling overwhelmed and stressed - sounds familiar.
All of this has set the president in a bit of a mood and while he works hard on being supportive, he's been more than usually blunt and harsh in some of the comments coming my way. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt - we're now down about 30% of the admin staff - something's got to give. Or we just bounce. I don't know. I do know that it's difficult for him to leave me to run the things I do on my own because I'm not doing them the way he would. He's one of those "adaptable" people who will change plans 5 times a day though where as I like to say - I don't have speed but I have momentum. So I tend to stick to a plan until it becomes obvious that the plan isn't working vs him who will shift plans when he sees what looks like a better plan. I know the guys prefer my methods because it means that what they are doing mid-shift is usually what they were told at the start. They are all wanting to do a good job which they struggle with if priorities change unpredictably. I know that I don't do well with that myself but cope as well as I can. So early Friday afternoon when he wanted me to pull loads forward I made the phone calls, adjusted the plans, cajoled people into cooperation and made it happen. It was the right decision - otherwise Monday would have been a mad-house and we would have been really stretched to get things done. By shifting things it helps with that.
Meanwhile I continue to work 7 days a week. Less hours on the weekend but lots through the week. Starting before 7 and usually working until after 6. I'm often answering emails as early as 5:00. Trying to juggle 4 or 5 different roles and a whole lot of shifting priorities. And yes, like my colleague, I feel overwhelmed and stressed and have few ways to let that go.
--- DV posted this the other day and it got me thinking ...
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I’m okay though. Getting increasingly comfortable with the idea of being single for an extended period of time...lol.
I'm currently in a place where I literally cannot imagine having someone else under this roof. And even dating is beyond my emotional range right now I think. I know that in the process of giving that you can get back more. Burdens shared are burdens lessened and all that sort of thing. And by giving kindness and love you can receive back so much more - it's an additive process, not just an exchange. Having dealt with S - who was a bottomless pit of taking has left me empty though - or at least so I feel. Unlike when my ex and I split, I don't have a hole that was ripped out of me - it's more like I'm deflated, wobbly, like an old inflatable Christmas decoration with the fan turned off. Yes - my imagery could use work ...
Not that there are opportunities to date. I've not heard from C recently but expect she's lurking over the horizon. For Thursday and Friday my county required everyone to just plain stay home. There were a series of bush parties it turns out in the opposite corner of my county from where I live. For those who might not understand, imagine a rave with plaid and pickup trucks. The resulting super-spreader event has resulted in the health unit having to shut down vaccinations and redeploy workers to do contact tracing. The order was to essentially try to keep people in one place while they did this. From what I gather a number of the people who were at these parties are now also unemployed with their employers taking a dim view of them risking the health of the entire community.
Even the anti-mask / anti-lockdown lady who has the craft shop around the corner shut her shop. Although I think she's also feeling the lack of support from the community on her stance.
We're all so very tired.
---
Like some others, I'm wondering about the future of this little community we have here. Like some small towns, we seem to have more people moving out than moving in and those who are here chat and visit among themselves. I like it here but would not be surprised if MWD chooses to pull the plug. She's running a business and while this place is more or less managed by volunteers, there is a cost and I am not sure what return on investment she is getting out of it.
In one of the more Upper parts of Upper Kanukistan, there is a small community called Elliot Lake which was a uranium mining town back in the day. They have been working for quite a long time to redefine themselves as a retirement community. Perhaps it's a good metaphor - a place for people to relax that's only marginally radioactive
---
To try to help my mood I baked a batch of peanut butter cookies yesterday evening. Grrr - my cookie cookbook is missing. I found another recipe online but didn't like the results as much as my usual batch. I'm sure that I will continue to find things that aren't there as time goes along. Annoying because S is gluten free and this cookbook absolutely was not. I expect it just got grabbed as something shiny when packing like a few things that I had set aside that are now gone. Another plausible explanation is that the people helping her pack couldn't comprehend that a bachelor would keep a button jar, cookie cookbook, pans, etc because her experience and perception is that all men are helpless man-babies who are incapable of caring for themselves.
---
Trying to decide on the shape of my day. My son - who is in my "bubble" - we are allowed as single people to attach ourselves to one other bubble - is coming by on Sunday for dinner. I'm going to cook up a pork loin roast in the slow cooker and a batch of scalloped potatoes.
I do have some groceries to pick up as well and am thinking that I may pop in to the plant and pick up some paperwork that I need to review related to deliveries in the past week or so. It's an hour drive each way but that may do me good in getting out of the house for a longer period of time. The local police are now empowered to stop people and ask where they are going. I have a piece of paper from the company that identifies me as an essential worker - we produce chemistry for water treatment as one of our major lines. Not that it's critical that I go in to the plant but I won't be interacting with anyone.
A good soak in the tub is probably called for today too.
It's going to be a cool and damp week here this coming week according to the forecast so I probably won't be out playing in the dirt.
Well - time to get on with it. Thanks for being there my friends.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
As for work - you need to have a talk with the boss about the infeasibility of you covering three jobs at once. Sounds like you’re generally short staffed - perhaps you could ask for an assistant? Not only would that allow you to delegate some jobs but, properly trained, there would be someone to cover when you’re on vacation or out sick.
I hope you’re able to get vaccinated soon - I know things are going more slowly in Canada.
$600 for a burial plot? I think that’s just slightly more than my mom paid for hers in 1969. It was worth about $30,000 when she finally used it - she used to joke that it was her best real estate investment!
Keep going andy. FOrward. Try not to look back so much. I know how difficult it is, especially when you have such a long history with someone. But the only way is forward. You'll be fine on your own, or with the RIGHT partner. Remeber, there is always compromise in an R, but no one should ever have to change who they are
Keep going andy. FOrward. Try not to look back so much. I know how difficult it is, especially when you have such a long history with someone. But the only way is forward. You'll be fine on your own, or with the RIGHT partner. Remeber, there is always compromise in an R, but no one should ever have to change who they are
Thanks Ginger. We've had our differences over the years, but I know that you always come from a place of caring.
PS - You are probably one of the 3 or 4 people that call me Andy My ex-wife used to get very upset whenever anyone did that. I don't know what it is about me, but women around me tend to be very protective. S at one point accused me of having a "harem" given the number of women I was connected to on social media all of whom would chime in regularly and keep an eye on me. And this pre-dates my divorce and goes all the way back to when I was a young boy.
---
I did go in to the plant yesterday and it was a good thing. As I was walking through one of the buildings I noticed a leak in one of the water lines which otherwise might not have been noticed until Monday. It's a non-critical part of our process and so isn't as closely monitored as the rest of the plant. The containment area had a fair bit of water in it so it had been leaking for a while. I of course had no clue on what to do although I was able to be sure that it was water involved (green pipes) and not something more dangerous. So - called the engineer who was on call, he instructed me to close off certain valves and then I got one of the operating staff who then went through all the stuff that needed to be done. I was annoyed at myself though because I forgot to wear my safety shoes and was wandering around with sneakers. Nobody other than me seemed to notice or care.
If anyone wants to see a really cool bit of kit - Boston Dynamics is now marketing their little dog robots to companies like mine (not that we'd pay for that) as well as I presume still to the military. They have a series of promotional articles and videos where these robot dogs wander around plants, check gauges and look for anything out of the ordinary. Cool - but also really really creepy. They can climb stairs and I wouldn't be surprised if they could also climb ladders.
Just finished going over the paperwork, lab results, tank levels etc for Monday's shipments - there really is no "off" day with this job. We have a big batch of rail cars that have also arrived at the local yard that I'll probably need to go through later this afternoon. I have 3 or possibly 5 that I can release out but there are some cars that I need to keep on site while figuring out where to place as many of these incoming cars as I can. Every time a rail car moves it costs a fair bit of money and it also costs money if they sit in one spot for too long outside our own yard. Lots of things to balance.
---
Related perhaps to the point above about me having a "harem", I had an odd encounter on Saturday afternoon. I popped into a store to pick up my weekly 12-pack of beer and a voice calls out hello. It was a young lady who worked at another outlet about 1/2 hour away that I would stop in back on Fridays in the "before times" when I was driving in and out of the City. If it was slow we'd chat. I tried to persuade her that she should date my son but she wasn't interested in a guy that much younger than herself who lived in his childhood bedroom. She's maybe 30, has a young boy, went through a difficult divorce and then into another relationship (people tell me their life stories) shortly after that imploded, then swore off men. I'd think from time to time that she was interested in me despite the rather large age difference. She almost seemed to be expecting to see me. Odd.
---
Got a text from S26 - he was supposed to be coming to dinner tonight so I have a pork loin roast cooking and scalloped potatoes prepped and ready to go into the oven. He's canceled out of concern with the rising case count in our area. He also lives more towards the part of the county that had the super-spreader event and sort of implied that some of his co-workers were involved. Abundance of caution and absolutely the right decision. Too bad though, I could really have used the company which is why I'm nattering away here. He was going to bring a pie. So - I'll be eating pork sandwiches and left-over scalloped potatoes for the week it seems. I'm confident that he will be doing all he can to keep himself safe - despite ample evidence to the contrary we are a very safety focused family.
I do hope he doesn't get ill - since he also lives alone I may start doing a daily wellness check with him. I honestly have no idea on how much involvement his mother has with him but given that he's always available on holidays and weekends I would presume it's not much. Which is too bad. He and his mother are quite a lot alike and they were very close. I do hope I'm wrong.
It does drive home though how dependent I am on the limited social interaction I can get these days. From recent news reports, there is some modeling that predicts that where I live is about to go into a scenario where NYC and Italy were a year ago so this isn't over by a long way.
Well - enough for now -
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Too bad son can’t drive by and pick up a take home portion of dinner and drop off half a pie on the porch - then you could zoom while eating. I think he lives a bit far for that to be feasible though, no? Glad you’re being safe.
Meanwhile I continue to work 7 days a week. Less hours on the weekend but lots through the week. Starting before 7 and usually working until after 6. I'm often answering emails as early as 5:00. Trying to juggle 4 or 5 different roles and a whole lot of shifting priorities. And yes, like my colleague, I feel overwhelmed and stressed and have few ways to let that go.
--- DV posted this the other day and it got me thinking ...
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I’m okay though. Getting increasingly comfortable with the idea of being single for an extended period of time...lol.
I'm currently in a place where I literally cannot imagine having someone else under this roof. And even dating is beyond my emotional range right now I think. I know that in the process of giving that you can get back more. Burdens shared are burdens lessened and all that sort of thing. And by giving kindness and love you can receive back so much more - it's an additive process, not just an exchange. Having dealt with S - who was a bottomless pit of taking has left me empty though - or at least so I feel. Unlike when my ex and I split, I don't have a hole that was ripped out of me - it's more like I'm deflated, wobbly, like an old inflatable Christmas decoration with the fan turned off. Yes - my imagery could use work ...
We're all so very tired.
Your adrenals are depleted from the chronic stress of living with a crazy person (S). Gonna take work to get those back up and running.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Like some others, I'm wondering about the future of this little community we have here. Like some small towns, we seem to have more people moving out than moving in and those who are here chat and visit among themselves. I like it here but would not be surprised if MWD chooses to pull the plug. She's running a business and while this place is more or less managed by volunteers, there is a cost and I am not sure what return on investment she is getting out of it.
I believe other boards are thriving like the newcomer section and MLC as well. Just because this side is quiet does not mean the entire place is a ghost town.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
To try to help my mood I baked a batch of peanut butter cookies yesterday evening. Grrr - my cookie cookbook is missing. I found another recipe online but didn't like the results as much as my usual batch. I'm sure that I will continue to find things that aren't there as time goes along. Annoying because S is gluten free and this cookbook absolutely was not. I expect it just got grabbed as something shiny when packing like a few things that I had set aside that are now gone. Another plausible explanation is that the people helping her pack couldn't comprehend that a bachelor would keep a button jar, cookie cookbook, pans, etc because her experience and perception is that all men are helpless man-babies who are incapable of caring for themselves.
Can you re-order it online? The utter cheek of that crowd. This is why I said lock it all up and be present while they move.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
A good soak in the tub is probably called for today too.
Add epsom salts so you can restore your magnesium levels.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Sorry work is so rough and you don't get much of a break. I'm sending you ALL the positive vibes and happy thoughts that you can at least get in some relaxation, meals with your son, and quality time with Monty.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Cold and overcast day here. Monty and I are working on his wanting to chew on things on my desk. I know that it's a boredom / attention getting thing. He doesn't chew otherwise. Frustrating though especially when I'm trying to concentrate. I'm trying various strategies, disapproving of the bad, encouraging the good. I think he's moderately clear on the concept, just doesn't agree. He usually hangs out for about an hour and then goes off to rest having done his part to start my day.
Work continues to be rough - a big part of the challenge is that starting at 6:00 I'm more or less "on". It ramps up when I get to my desk in my home office at 7:00 and then goes full tilt for a while as I rush to deal with any changes for the current day. Last night the railway didn't show up at all which threw a big wrench into things planning-wise. Fortunately doesn't affect today's activities at the plant to speak of. And of course my first gut reaction is to keep it all simple and cautious which isn't the way my boss works, so my first suggestion of doing minimal adjustments was tossed out. I had to go back, look at tank levels, calculate production rates, figure out what else might happen tomorrow night as part of forward planning for Friday.
I just got back my draft analysis from my boss - who already knows the answers because of his experience - here's what I deal with. I had suggested we could load 3 cars of Chemical X and one of chemical Y (no we don't make little girls with super powers here)
"If we have 2 cars of xxx now and loading 1 today and if only making 1 car a day leaves with you 2 to load tomorrow, however what makes this correct is our plan to increase xxx production today while we unload the yy car and keep it there until we have enough to load the 3 X xxx cars on Thurs"
My brain hurts. Now I have to communicate this to the railway and plant staff in ways that are tailored for each of them so that they know what they need to do to make this happen.
My boss starts at 5:00 so has a 2 hour head-start and it's tough to catch up. And today he started earlier than usual.
---
In other news, I noticed a cousin of mine had posted on social media that he had gotten his COVID shot. He's roughly in the same demographic as I am and so I checked and they have dropped the age eligibility which I had thought was 65 down to 40. So I'm on the waiting list for the AstraZeneca vaccine which is what is being distributed to my group / area. It's also possible that I'll get the Indian variation of this COVISHIELD. I do have some worries that we'll be organized enough to do the second dose when that time comes to.
There's been a "lot" of political fall-out for the apparent sudden turn in conditions here in Upper Lower Middle Kanukistan. I'm glad that I'm not in that hot-seat. One thing I learned about politics is that you will get blasted no matter what you do so it's a gig for those with tougher skin than I've got.
---
Nothing too much else going on. I am hoping to take some more "me" time this weekend. The abandoned house next door has been purchased by one of the contractors who lives in the village and he and his son are working on it. They said that they hoped to have it on the market within 4-6 months and are presumably doing the minimum to it. They have a very large dumpster and probably will have to empty it quite a few times. I would be hesitant about buying a house that was so badly fire damaged but if the price is right they can probably find a buyer. I've mentioned to them that I am open to selling the part of my property behind the house which is pretty much unusable but would give their house a huge back-yard instead of the tiny one it has now. Not sure they'll take me up on it but it may become something when the house goes up for sale.
Talked to a friend / neighbour the other day about dating and my lack of current interest in it. She's not too surprised given both my poor luck and also what she has heard from single friends. She also has heard lots of stories about people who represent themselves one way and turn out to be something different. "Mirroring" is a well known dating strategy after all. I joked that "likes long walks" was not going to be one I believed again and she suggested asking to see their shoes to see if they were worn down at all
Her own daughters have no interest in dating either - just "not worth the bother" for them. They are both in the mid/late 20s and went to school with my kids.
Like with myself and then wife, she and her husband have talked as couple will about if they would date if anything happened to the other partner. I know that I had been pretty sure that I would have remained single if my wife had passed on as was she - the joke being made that neither of us had the energy to try training a new partner from scratch. In fact I can clearly recall her saying that when in fact she was in the middle of her affair. I expect that's a common feeling at least before the rubber hits the road as it were. There's no way to know what was going through her mind at the time - I'm presuming she was figuring she could have her fling and keep me too - but then got in too deep. I could certainly see OM putting the pressure on her to leave and from what little my snooping back in the day revealed, along with some things she said upon discovery, that may well have been the case.
Thinking about that just now it perhaps makes it more likely that she did in fact have other prior affairs given that she had the confidence that she would have me and her fling. No way to know for sure. Undoubtedly she would deny that just like as far as I'm aware she denies still having had the affair that has led to her and OM sharing a house that quite possibly I'm paying for. OM at least got his "nurse with a purse" - at least for another 34 months I believe when I stop paying.
When I first found out that my wife was wanting to leave, I clung desperately to the idea of "fixing" whatever had gone wrong so badly to cause her to want to leave. Then after I found out about OM, I did my best to "win her back" which probably was a huge ego boost to her. Then I just felt hollow but became open to the idea of finding someone to fill that empty spot. Fortunately that didn't happen and I like to think I was more or less healed and complete when I started actively dating - but with the intent of finding a partner to walk this journey alongside. B in some ways was a decent choice. Appropriate age, kids somewhat independent, self-confident, kind. Her desire to turn me into a version of her ex, her reluctance to let go of him as well, my difficulty adapting to the type of life she wanted to lead, her dislike of the house and cats plus some assorted baggage with one of her kids that was unresolved made it unworkable. One of the problems that I need to own is my own difficulty in actively sharing "my" space. Particularly the kitchen. Another was my difficulty in adapting to a lifestyle that was foreign to me. I'm not a "go to the cottage" kind of guy and that was her whole life especially in the summer.
S on the other hand was just trouble from the beginning. The way she jumped right in as soon as she heard that B had left, mirroring my interests, the intensity with which she pushed herself into my life was overwhelming. Add on a combination of controlling behaviour along with a refusal to contribute or take ownership of building anything was difficult. She had the whole DARVO technique down pat. Anything I wanted to do got immediate pushback. Even when we were dating but talking about a future, she got upset at me for buying new dishes that she herself suggested were decent when I asked. Tears, "you never listen to me", "my ex never liked my dishes" - goes along that path. It worked for a while - although I did buy the dishes - but it eventually just made me angry when I would see her trot out that script time and time again. I also recall once when she was out for lunch with her STBX and I was in the same restaurant a few years ago, her ignoring him to catch up / chat with me several tables away. She must have had her eye on me for quite a while.
Ah well - if I examine my entrails too long, they look like sausages I suppose and nobody wants to watch sausage get made.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
I joked that "likes long walks" was not going to be one I believed again and she suggested asking to see their shoes to see if they were worn down at al
Hahaha, genius!
Quote
He usually hangs out for about an hour and then goes off to rest having done his part to start my day.
Have you thought of getting Monty one of those toys that automatically does a laser pointer for them to chase?
Quote
the joke being made that neither of us had the energy to try training a new partner from scratch. In fact I can clearly recall her saying that when in fact she was in the middle of her affair.
It's the duplicity of affairs that gets me the most. It's some kind of serious character defect that allows someone to lie to unabashedly.
As for work - it's expanding to take up entirely too much time. What can you do about this? Insist on an assistant? Demand a raise? Or take a different role in the company that provides a better lifestyle? It may well be that replacing what the boss used to do is simply too much for one person. Or the system is simply too haphazard to continue under anyone else and needs to be more automated.
I'm glad you're eligible for a vaccine. Don't worry too much about the second dose - most vaccines that we give for other things, the second dose is fine any time between 2 and 6 months. We obviously would like to stick to the timeline that was studied, especially in the middle of a pandemic, but a delay in the second dose isn't too much of a problem - this is why they have discussed simply giving everyone a first dose then going back to get the second doses. (Not being done in the US, but it's a valid concept to stop an outbreak).
Talked to a friend / neighbour the other day about dating and my lack of current interest in it. She's not too surprised given both my poor luck and also what she has heard from single friends. She also has heard lots of stories about people who represent themselves one way and turn out to be something different. "Mirroring" is a well known dating strategy after all. I joked that "likes long walks" was not going to be one I believed again and she suggested asking to see their shoes to see if they were worn down at all
Is it bad luck or poor decision making? Next time take some time to get to know someone before you shack up with them. Eventually their true colors will shine through and you can adjust accordingly.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Like with myself and then wife, she and her husband have talked as couple will about if they would date if anything happened to the other partner. I know that I had been pretty sure that I would have remained single if my wife had passed on as was she - the joke being made that neither of us had the energy to try training a new partner from scratch. In fact I can clearly recall her saying that when in fact she was in the middle of her affair. I expect that's a common feeling at least before the rubber hits the road as it were. There's no way to know what was going through her mind at the time - I'm presuming she was figuring she could have her fling and keep me too - but then got in too deep. I could certainly see OM putting the pressure on her to leave and from what little my snooping back in the day revealed, along with some things she said upon discovery, that may well have been the case.
I lot of time has passed for you to be still speculating.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Thinking about that just now it perhaps makes it more likely that she did in fact have other prior affairs given that she had the confidence that she would have me and her fling. No way to know for sure. Undoubtedly she would deny that just like as far as I'm aware she denies still having had the affair that has led to her and OM sharing a house that quite possibly I'm paying for. OM at least got his "nurse with a purse" - at least for another 34 months I believe when I stop paying.
Andy she was likely planning her exit for many years prior.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Then I just felt hollow but became open to the idea of finding someone to fill that empty spot.
Until you are able to fill that yourself you will likely continue to make bad and desperate choices.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Fortunately that didn't happen and I like to think I was more or less healed and complete when I started actively dating - but with the intent of finding a partner to walk this journey alongside.
I am pretty sure you are still not healed.
Originally Posted by AndrewP
B in some ways was a decent choice.
You say this
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Her desire to turn me into a version of her ex, her reluctance to let go of him as well, my difficulty adapting to the type of life she wanted to lead, her dislike of the house and cats plus some assorted baggage with one of her kids that was unresolved made it unworkable.
And then this. Are those statement congruent?
Originally Posted by AndrewP
I'm not a "go to the cottage" kind of guy and that was her whole life especially in the summer.
WTF?????
Originally Posted by AndrewP
S on the other hand was just trouble from the beginning.
So what did you do? Got engaged and moved her and her circus in your house
Originally Posted by AndrewP
The way she jumped right in as soon as she heard that B had left, mirroring my interests, the intensity with which she pushed herself into my life was overwhelming.
See above
Originally Posted by AndrewP
Add on a combination of controlling behaviour along with a refusal to contribute or take ownership of building anything was difficult. She had the whole DARVO technique down pat. Anything I wanted to do got immediate pushback. Even when we were dating but talking about a future, she got upset at me for buying new dishes that she herself suggested were decent when I asked. Tears, "you never listen to me", "my ex never liked my dishes" - goes along that path. It worked for a while - although I did buy the dishes - but it eventually just made me angry when I would see her trot out that script time and time again. I also recall once when she was out for lunch with her STBX and I was in the same restaurant a few years ago, her ignoring him to catch up / chat with me several tables away.
See above
Originally Posted by AndrewP
She must have had her eye on me for quite a while.
Your'e a mark Andy. You have to change your way of thinking.
