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A Message from Michele
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Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917795
04/14/21 04:10 PM
04/14/21 04:10 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Just finished watching a documentary about the Laci Peterson murder on Hulu. And the most shocking thing about it is how adamantly his family thinks he's innocent. I guess denial is a powerful survival mechanism. But Scott was a classic sociopath-next-door. It seems crazy to think that people actually cannot see that. The defense tries to make a bid deal about the media frenzy around the case - which there was - and how violently the public reacted to him and how joyful they were when he was convicted. But that was because EVERYBODY could see what a sociopath Scott was! It was plain as day. Yes, the trial could have been conducted better, and that's how he got reduced from a death sentence to life in prison. (Which is fine by me, I'm against the death penalty). But he's still guilty as h-e-double hockey sticks.

It does make me think of the safety of everybody here. No, it's not terribly likely that a WAS is going to kill the LBS - but it's not like it doesn't happen. And the everyday dark triad stuff that shows up in some of our spouses, and the flagrant lying most of them engage in during their affairs, does make one think. I believe my ex was so concerned about reducing the life insurance policy I had on him (which I paid for!) because he was projecting - he claimed he didn't want me to "profit" from his death, but I believe that's because some little part of him had thought of how much better off financially he would be if he bumped ME off.

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917799
04/14/21 05:17 PM
04/14/21 05:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
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CWarrior Offline
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Originally Posted by kml
I believe that's because some little part of him had thought of how much better off financially he would be if he bumped ME off.

I've been in some single parents groups. As a brief, dark fantasy that's not uncommon. Fortunately, most are neither sociopaths nor so anger-filled as to do anything like that to a fellow human being.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917811
04/14/21 09:56 PM
04/14/21 09:56 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,678
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AndrewP Offline
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I actually told a few friends that if anything had happened to me to ask a lot of questions. As a middle-aged fat guy with a known heart condition, few questions would have been asked if I just popped my clogs as it were. She would have ended up with a relatively untarnished reputation and a pay-day of well over 1/2 million. She also was a big fan of murder mystery novels and TV shows so undoubtedly could figure out how to do me in with common household items. She did like throw pillows. I also knew little or nothing about OM other than the fact that he was seemingly devoted to my then wife, nor what he would be capable of in order to remove an obstacle in the path of his twu wuv.

As part of my settlement I'm obliged to carry a policy on myself payable to her which now nets her a modest amount of cash in hand vs the alimony that it is intended to cover. Just have to be careful when I'm down to the last few payments I suppose ...

I have a - shall we say - wide variety of friends - one of whom suggested that my problems could be made to go away for a modest fee. When I was telling another friend about this and joking that the cuckolded husband who just made a large cash withdrawal would probably be a prime suspect, he offered to front me the cash. I've never been sure if either of them were joking ... I have some very devoted friends.

On another forum the story was related of a woman who was ill and was diagnosed with lithium poisoning. Her symptoms improved when she stopped accepting the coffee her STBX helpfully would bring her. The thought was that he was shaving batteries into her latte.

It certainly is a thing that people need to be careful of and is undoubtedly one of the first things that a homicide detective would check.

A friend of mine is a murder mystery author and the various stories I've passed along have surprised even her.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917829
04/15/21 01:13 PM
04/15/21 01:13 PM
Joined: Oct 2018
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Iíve seen some shows lately where one spouse killed the other with Visine in their drink. Thatís crazy. I have Visine in my purse. CW is right. Fortunately most people could never do something like that. Honestly, with all of the technology available to police these days, Iím surprised people still commit murders. With the new familial DNA research that can be done to find family members, there are many people out there who got away with it 30 or 40 years ago that are now looking over their shoulders. laugh


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917842
04/15/21 04:49 PM
04/15/21 04:49 PM
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kml Offline OP
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kml  Offline OP
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Oh yeah, genealogical detective work is fascinating!

And along those lines of genetic surprises - I know someone who is adopted, as is her husband. 23andme results on their daughter showed multiple relatives that were related on both parents sides. She thinks she's discovered that she and her husband are third cousins!

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917889
04/16/21 08:02 PM
04/16/21 08:02 PM
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kml Offline OP
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Well CMM's platelet count came up to 100k so he's getting chemo right now. He didn't find out until the last minute (and he refused to just get ready and go to his appointment to find out, as it's a 30 minute drive and he didn't want to make the trip if there was not going to be chemo). Honestly, this man does NOT know what the meaning of the word "hurry" is. It drives me kinda crazy. He only has one speed and that is like the sloth in that kids movie. I'll tell him we need to leave NOW and he'll argue with me that there's plenty of time- then we leave and get there just barely in time. They asked us to hurry and try to be there as soon as possible, but no later than ten - we arrive just at ten because he spends 45 minutes shaving and getting dressed. (And no, his beard does not grow fast, if he went to chemo without shaving this early in the day NO ONE would notice!)

Now I mostly like to plan things out so there's no hurry involved, but sometimes in life you just have to SPEED UP and get something done. He cannot for the life of him do that. Except when he's driving, then it's like Grand Theft Auto (I try to do all the driving when we are together). I think fast and walk fast and it's hard to sloooooowwwww doooooowwwwn to sloth speed. It's like we're in two different dimensions.

This is not a chemo brain thing either - he's always been like this. Anybody else ever experience this? I can't quite tell if it's an OCD thing or if he's a little bit Aspie, but he cannot handle any kind of sudden change in plans. And he has only one speed, and that's SLOW.

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917892
04/16/21 08:38 PM
04/16/21 08:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,678
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AndrewP Offline
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Originally Posted by kml
This is not a chemo brain thing either - he's always been like this. Anybody else ever experience this? I can't quite tell if it's an OCD thing or if he's a little bit Aspie, but he cannot handle any kind of sudden change in plans. And he has only one speed, and that's SLOW.
It's been claimed by many including myself that I have Asperger tendencies but my work life at least is one of chaos and change. I do joke that I'm not fast, but I have momentum laugh My ex-gf S learned that for many things that I had to "take a run at them" - she'd suggest something and I'd reject it initially but then come to accept it in time.

My ex-wife was chronically late for everything while I always try to arrive just a bit early. I still remember her screaming at the kids to get ready as we would rush out the door to go to church and then have to slink in to the back pews because the service had already started. I finally told her that if going to church involved that much stress, I wasn't going. Then nobody did which was sad. She would actually invite her family here to dinner early, knowing that they would be late and had off-set clocks all through the house.

Rather than putting labels on it, perhaps CMM is just one of those people who are "particular" and feel that some things are worth making an effort for. Shaving for an important appointment shows respect for himself and them - at least that's my point of view.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917894
04/16/21 10:23 PM
04/16/21 10:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,955
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kml Offline OP
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Except when itís showing disrespect for the nurse who has to shoehorn you into her busy schedule because youíre an hour and a half late for treatment! And itís not even 24 hours since you last shaved. Granted, for my oldest son and my ex, that would be a problem - they are kings of the instant beard and really should shave twice a day! But CMMís stubble is pretty invisible at 24 hours.

Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917898
04/16/21 10:58 PM
04/16/21 10:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,886
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DonH Offline
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Originally Posted by kml
I'll tell him we need to leave NOW and he'll argue with me that there's plenty of time- then we leave and get there just barely in time. They asked us to hurry and try to be there as soon as possible, but no later than ten - we arrive just at ten because he spends 45 minutes shaving and getting dressed.

Very interesting topic. But letís break it down. You told him if he didnít hurry youíd be late. As it turns out, by your own admission, you arrived at 10, right on time, or as you say, ďbarely in time, which Iíll agree there was no time to spare but you WERE NOT LATE. So whatís the problem? Had you done it your way you would have been 45 minutes early. Yes that may have been ASAP but you were not late. But arriving early, Whatís the point of that? Be 45 minutes early only to sit there and wait, wasting 45 minutes doing nothing?

Now if you were late, Iíd agree but you were on time - just barely - but ON TIME. Thatís how I always do it. Iím rarely if ever late and not often early. If I need to be there at 10:00 Iíll likely be there at 9:57. The guys in the band know me like clockwork. Iím never late, always ready to go at the starting time but rarely there before I have to be. One guy, bless his heart as heís passed away from the same thing CMM is battling, always wanted to get there hours early to ďsettle inĒ he was always nervous and I wanted to secretly slip him some Valium to calm his butt down. The keyboard player is like CMM. Heís never on time and has one speed - beyond slow. Heís amazingly talented, can sing with such feeling while playing keyboards and also doing incredible bass lines with his left hand - 3 distinctly separate things all at once. Yet he canít pump gas and wash his windows at the same time. 3 Am traveling home and itís like heís got all the time in the world. This is why I always try to drive myself whenever possible.

But it is very telling. To you being on time is the same as being late and being 45 minutes early is being on time. Not the case for CMM. But your way is not the right way - only the right way for you. And trying to get him to be like you only frustrates the both of you.

Perhaps another reason why Iím single. You want to date someone who has your political thoughts, does things your way, letís you run the show. Iím not saying Iím all that different. Itís just again perhaps why Iím single. smile


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: Medicare, here I come! [Re: kml] #2917899
04/16/21 11:17 PM
04/16/21 11:17 PM
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kml Offline OP
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We only arrived in time because I insisted on leaving. He had an 8:30 appointment, he wasnít ready to leave when they did, belatedly notify him his platelets were a go (I had tried to talk him into just going down there on time at 8:30 but he didnít want to make the 30 minute drive of chemo would be cancelled - find. But they asked us to come in as soon as possible, no later than ten, and we barely got there at ten. If heíd been ready at 8:30 we could have gotten there by 9:00 and only been 30-40 minutes late. If heíd done a quick fifteen minute dress and rush out the door - like a normal person who knows how to hustle when needed - we still could have been there by 9:30. It really messes up your whole days schedule when the first appointment is so late arriving, and Friday chemo appointments are very difficult to get.

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