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Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918556
05/05/21 05:26 PM
05/05/21 05:26 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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I received the division of assets from her team and it was only off of my expectation by $100k. The support figure was spot on what I expected. I still do not feel good about the overall situation but getting the numbers a bit tighter is good.

I am hopeful that we file sometime in June which should put this chapter to bed, allowing me to focus on the next one.

I am slowly finding more peace in my situation. I don't want her back nor do I believe I would take her back. She is duplicitous and has drug me through the mud, of course I allowed her to do it.

I think getting the divorce done will be healthy and I think the backside of this is going to be for the better. I feel bad for my ex. She is an unhappy, confused woman. I feel bad for my kids too, but I'll just do the best I can for them.

My parents come back to town this weekend from being snowbirds, which will be nice. All and all, I'm feeling good about things today and hopeful.

Peace!

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918559
05/05/21 05:42 PM
05/05/21 05:42 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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Keep working, Scott! Onward and upward!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918561
05/05/21 05:48 PM
05/05/21 05:48 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
She is an unhappy, confused woman.

How do you know?


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918599
05/06/21 01:31 PM
05/06/21 01:31 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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LH - I'm speculating.

Doesn't matter. I pray that she is happy. Today I think I prayed that for the first time and meant it, in a while. I'm doing good. She can do whatever. I've moved on.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918601
05/06/21 01:40 PM
05/06/21 01:40 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
LH - I'm speculating.

I did the same based on what the kids would tell me about her being miserable. Then I realized that's just her demeanor. Always has been. She has never once shown any indication she didn't make the right choice for herself.
Originally Posted by ScottB
I've moved on.

As DNJ likes to say "feelings are fleeting". About a month ago you emailed her asking for another chance. Learning to control your feelings and emotions is a powerful thing Scotty B.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918951
05/18/21 05:41 PM
05/18/21 05:41 PM
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So I've been thinking that I'm doing pretty good. And I believe I have been.

For the first time in a long time, today is a tougher day. I think its a combination of things. I was dating a woman and we had a good argument - it probably makes sense for that to end and for me to take a break. At work I had a meeting that I just did not perform well in, in front of peers - it made me feel my lack of capacity in my mental state.

Last Friday I went over the property settlement with my attorney and we've been talking about that a lot since to get it right.

I then went through an old folder, looking for old statements and it had so much in there. Pictures of the family, cards from her and the kids, as well as cards from colleague's over the years - it all made me feel a bit melancholy and sad.

The good news is that because of this message board I can look back at the last time I felt like this and it was 3/10 - so that's a pretty good run. I'll get through it and hopefully it won't last more than a day.

I also recognize that I've been running myself ragged staying busy, I haven't allowed myself much time to process things. My parents are back from their winter home so they are local and give me another layer of support if I need it, which is good.

It's all interesting. I'll keep on keeping on.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918954
05/18/21 06:02 PM
05/18/21 06:02 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB
. I was dating a woman and we had a good argument - it probably makes sense for that to end and for me to take a break.

Sorry to hear about your breakup! What triggered you to argue? Was arguing (trying to convince her to change instead of accepting her) the problem, or was a difference between you two irreconcilable? Have you thought about apologizing?


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918959
05/18/21 06:26 PM
05/18/21 06:26 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
So I've been thinking that I'm doing pretty good. And I believe I have been.

For the first time in a long time, today is a tougher day. I think its a combination of things. I was dating a woman and we had a good argument - it probably makes sense for that to end and for me to take a break. At work I had a meeting that I just did not perform well in, in front of peers - it made me feel my lack of capacity in my mental state.

Last Friday I went over the property settlement with my attorney and we've been talking about that a lot since to get it right.

I then went through an old folder, looking for old statements and it had so much in there. Pictures of the family, cards from her and the kids, as well as cards from colleague's over the years - it all made me feel a bit melancholy and sad.

The good news is that because of this message board I can look back at the last time I felt like this and it was 3/10 - so that's a pretty good run. I'll get through it and hopefully it won't last more than a day.

I also recognize that I've been running myself ragged staying busy, I haven't allowed myself much time to process things. My parents are back from their winter home so they are local and give me another layer of support if I need it, which is good.

It's all interesting. I'll keep on keeping on.


A goal for me was to always double the amount of time between feeling like this. If the last time was a day ago, then I would focus on making it two days. Then 4, then 8. The emotional rollercoaster is rarely through with us even when we are through with it. Songs were always big trigger for me. In fact, there are songs to this day that if they come on the radio I turn the station because they make me think of the ex-gf and bring back emotional scars. Maybe that means that after 22 years+ being married to another woman, one that I want to grow old with, I am still not completely emotionally detached to the ex-gf. IDK, but you have to do what you have to do to get through!

Staying busy is actually a positive, but I get the need to step back a bit and reflect. Though I think that if you thought about it you still have plenty of time in staying busy to reflect. In the shower. Mowing the lawn. On a drive some where. Etc. So stay busy but take the opportunities when you are alone to reflect and process. I submit that you went from 3/10 to today without the melancholy BECAUSE you've stayed busy. Again, that is a good thing.

Just keep on keeping on, as you said!


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918962
05/18/21 06:46 PM
05/18/21 06:46 PM
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LH19 Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
So I've been thinking that I'm doing pretty good. And I believe I have been.

For the first time in a long time, today is a tougher day. I think its a combination of things. I was dating a woman and we had a good argument - it probably makes sense for that to end and for me to take a break. At work I had a meeting that I just did not perform well in, in front of peers - it made me feel my lack of capacity in my mental state.

Last Friday I went over the property settlement with my attorney and we've been talking about that a lot since to get it right.

I then went through an old folder, looking for old statements and it had so much in there. Pictures of the family, cards from her and the kids, as well as cards from colleague's over the years - it all made me feel a bit melancholy and sad.

The good news is that because of this message board I can look back at the last time I felt like this and it was 3/10 - so that's a pretty good run. I'll get through it and hopefully it won't last more than a day.

I also recognize that I've been running myself ragged staying busy, I haven't allowed myself much time to process things. My parents are back from their winter home so they are local and give me another layer of support if I need it, which is good.

It's all interesting. I'll keep on keeping on.


Scotty B it’s all part of the process. I remember I went like a year and a half without crying and then out of nowhere broke down during a workout. Good for you to know when to end it with your lady friend. Way too early for you. Lastly, I would suggest That you can’t put busy this and at some point you are going to have to sit with your feelings.

Onward and upward!


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont8.) [Re: ScottB] #2918970
05/18/21 08:45 PM
05/18/21 08:45 PM
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Ready2Change Offline
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Originally Posted by ScottB
I was dating a woman and we had a good argument
By good do you mean major or large?

Change the way you interact with women. Commit to not arguing. Show women in your life that you are in control of your emotions and that you can handle every emotion they throw at you. When I find myself starting to argue with my woman, I intentionally stop. We are both being controlled by our emotions. I switch to listening and validation. Arguing means both people are not listening. I decided to be just the listener. I can share my thoughts with her later when we are both calm. Listen to her to understand her. She will calm down when you are listening. She will calm down after a period of time. Same thing with my kids.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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