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A Message from Michele
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Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917053
03/25/21 05:49 AM
03/25/21 05:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 707
HI
C
CanBird Offline
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CanBird  Offline
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Posts: 707
HI
Hi Ginger1. I've been D 5 months, and put myself online 2 months ago. Xh left us for ow/xg. And MLc/was. My time to move on.

I'm 49 girl! You're young! For me, online meeting, is more of a distraction, fun. As always, zero expectations right? Like DejaVu said, think of it another game on your phone/computer.

It's just a way to make a friendship. Start with that.

Good luck girl!!

(((Hugs )))) to you mama. Cheers to you for being where you are today.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan H wants D
Feb H flys2 ow
Mar H Files D stuck here C19 Ldwn
Apr H bck 2 wrk
Oct D FINAL
Dec 25 Vcall 2 D4
Local of XH STILL unknown
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917237
03/29/21 02:45 PM
03/29/21 02:45 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,735
D
Dawn70 Offline
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Dawn70  Offline
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D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,735
As I always say, you have to do what feels right for you, so if you are ready, you are ready and I wish you all the best. I think you are fabulous and I wish I could give you the ability to see yourself through the eyes of others so that you would realize how much you have to offer someone. I know it means absolutely nothing, but your time is coming. I have been reminded continually lately that things happen on the divine schedule for our life, not our own. It is a hard thing to face, but it is true. We can makes plans all day long, but the cosmic plan is what actually controls what happens. I'm not a particularly religious person, but this has been made painfully obvious to me in the past month or so.

Hang in there, girl! You are in my positive thoughts and prayers always.


Me 51, H52
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
7 grandkids
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917306
03/30/21 11:11 PM
03/30/21 11:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
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Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
Hey! Thanks for the kind words. I really do think Iím awesome. Self doubt I think is just ingrained in me from no certainly and never being good enough to those I loved. But I am good enough for me.

I did actually decide to dip my toe in online dating. And well, I hate it. I just canít seem to stand it anymore. It yields zero pleasure for me, lol. Iím chatting with a guy, but I dunno. I would rather be concentrating on my subtitled series about Orthodox Jews. Thatís sad. I donít like the process of getting to know random strangers . I can talk anyone up, Iíll make small talk. with random people, but getting to know someone I donít know from a hole in the wall to see if I would enjoy dating then has become a personal he!! For me. My tolerance for it is gone. So my alternative is to not do it and just be alone. Iím at least relieved to know my updated pictures still get attention. But I just canít do this anymore. Too many years of it, with no good outcomes. I did enjoy half of the year I had with M, other than that, I havenít had any success in many years of online dating. I also see a lot of the same faces, surprisingly enough in my very densely populated region. Maybe I just need to ride out the high school years and see what happens when I move. My life is flying by me. I havenít had a 20+ something married life here like most. I have spent majority of my adult hood as a single mother . Itís tough and lonely, but it is what it is.

In other news, my ex is p*ssing me off. Itís been a while. 2 incomes in that household, one of a lawyer ( which apparently makes no money) and taking my daughter 2 weeks to Hawaii, then Myrtle beach, and he is broke . I told D13 we will try and get her contacts again this week, because she is back in swimming class and canít see anything. And with the activities in Hawaii, I wanted her to be able to see! Didnít ask the ex. Just told her to give me the number of eye place. He told our daughter he was broke and canít afford her half now. WHAT?!? His half is maybe $75? And he canít afford it , but he has a time share to take out kid on extravagant vacations? Iím p*ssed. I just told D 13 I will pay, I am not going to let her go without because he canít pay his half. What else am I going to do? Legally divorced almost 12 years, and I never ONCE made an adjustment to child support. He almost started in on me getting the child credit for D13, but I think he thought twice that wouldnít be a smart move. I pay just about everything for this kid on $176 biweekly. And she is not a cheap kid to have, lol. I have one income coming into this home. Some days I just donít get it. Iím just going to be right by my daughter and move on. Maybe he fell into some awful financial hardship. I donít know.

In good news, I got some praise at my second job, which was nice. Going to FL in less than 2 weeks. My unit at work starts the biggest loser challenge tomorrow, so perhaps a little motivation there.

And I survived a week my dad and his wife living here. Everything my dad thought needed to be fixed, he broke trying to fix it. But heís good for hiring someone to fix the stuff. D13 goes back to school 5 days next week, although not full days, but I think it will be good for her.

Oh, and I took D14 and her friend to her first swim class ( itís a skills class, my kid is such a good swimmer) and a hot dad was chatting me and my friends mom up ( sheís much older and married). He made sure to mention his EX WIFE, however, I am an idiot and I was dressed like a teenage boy in sweats, a hoodie, and a baseball cap with no makeup. Iím pretty sure he wasnít into me. But man, he was GOOD LOOKING and a good conversationalist and lives in the town I work in. Next time I go, Iíll have to try to look half decent. I was trying to squeeze the fact I was divorced too in there, but D13ís friends mom wouldnít shut up, lol.

And thatís that

Last edited by job; 04/01/21 01:09 PM. Reason: edited a word
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917318
03/31/21 10:26 AM
03/31/21 10:26 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 707
HI
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CanBird Offline
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CanBird  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 707
HI
Love it! Single Dad at swim class! That's great! I see an after class outing in your future! Be ready to be spontaneous and say YES when it happens. Even if the kids are there, and your married friend, it's still an outing. (If your area permits it).

Ps- which island in Hawaii? That's my state smile


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan H wants D
Feb H flys2 ow
Mar H Files D stuck here C19 Ldwn
Apr H bck 2 wrk
Oct D FINAL
Dec 25 Vcall 2 D4
Local of XH STILL unknown
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917352
03/31/21 11:14 PM
03/31/21 11:14 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,886
Midwest
D
DonH Offline
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DonH  Offline
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None of this surprises me G. In fact I may have predicted it a few years ago when you were still rather optimistic about the whole OLD thing. I honestly think itís a normal and healthy reaction. I hit this same wall myself and could not imagine trying OLD again without totally forcing myself into it. Of course you are seeing the same faces from years ago. Thatís part of the craziness of the land of misfit toys that is OLD. Look here how many people try OLD when they clearly are not ready. We see it, we tell them, but they do,it anyway. Some pull out on their own, others go on some dates. But the people talking to or meeting them could be very much like you (or me) hoping to meet a healthy, ready and emotional stable and available person. What we get is something totally different. Many on OLD are not looking for what you are. Not even talking hook ups or players but just those going through the motions and not really committed to finding a real R. Iíve said all of this before. Yes there are SOME OLD who are as advertised but they are the huge exception rather than the norm.

Treating it like CanBird does is certainly an option but also difficult. You have expectations and desires and the chance of those being met OLD are slim. And I fear itís gotten even worse over the years. So I Can totally understand how you feel and how you got here.

So I totally support giving up OLD. But that doesnít mean giving up totally. The in person meeting could work for you but yes you have to be ready for them. If youíve gotten in the mode of not trying at all, that could bight you - like it did with hot dad. Iíve heard the dating experts talk about this exact thing - how you have to clean up even going to the store because you never know who you might meet. Then TRY in person. Donít assume hot dad would have no interest in you. Why would that be the case? Thatís in your head. Get it out. Be flirty. Be fun. Keep The Who cares attitude but show you are available and interested.

Itís hard to keep trying. It really is. But giving up OLD does not mean giving up. Do things with friends. Keep going out like you are just spend a few minutes getting ready and then be your fun, flirty self and be approachable. Give off the signals that let guys know youíd be open to being asked out. If they get the stay away or not interested vibe they wonít try. Iím a guy, I know this. Guys can tell when a woman has no interest in being approached and who wants to get shot down. Crack that door open and guys will approach you.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917354
04/01/21 01:03 AM
04/01/21 01:03 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,292
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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NY
Originally Posted by Ginger1
my kid is such a good swimmer


Let me know when she joins a swim team.
I know two people that would come watch her swim. smile


Me-67, D34,S33
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917364
04/01/21 11:54 AM
04/01/21 11:54 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
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Ginger1  Offline OP
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 5,561
Cadet! Believe it or not, my kid is going to HIGH SCHOOL in September! And she is going to join the swim team. She would love to have you guys come cheer her on!

OLD is no longer for me I think. I just burnt myself out of. At least in this area I have. But I know I shouldnít give up in general. Iíve met more people in the ďwildĒ than I have online and maybe one day that will happen for me. And yes, I definitely need to stop going out and about looking like a little boy, lol. Decent clothes, my hair done and a touch of make up Iím sure would go a long way. Maybe HOT swim dad will notice. Unfortunately due to my vacation and skipping this weekend with Easter, Ex will take her next. Iím going to have him drop the fact he is my EX husband so he doesnít think Iím married, lol.

Today, April fools. Is the ex and his wifeís 10th wedding anniversary. I read newcomers and everyone ensures the affair will ď burn outĒ. Yeah, there is no guarantee in that clearly. I seriously sit back and realize how strong I am. I endured the pain of my ex leaving me with an infant for another woman. And then while I just kind of wait for that yo fizzle out it never does and I have to deal with this woman becoming a parental figure to my baby girl. I swear, every that happened has been so gut wrenching. And right there in my face for my kids lifetime. Some days I am seriously in awe about what I have mentally and emotionally survived.

D FaceTimed then last night to show them her new braces. Then she told them Iím getting her a haircut today. And contacts on Monday and he says ďmom takes really good care of youĒ why yea, yes I do. Heís never said that. He didnít say that to me, he said it to her, but while he sits there living his life doing his thing, I am indeed taking fantastic care of our daughter.

Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917365
04/01/21 12:53 PM
04/01/21 12:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,678
Canada
A
AndrewP Offline
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AndrewP  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 3,678
Canada
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I read newcomers and everyone ensures the affair will ď burn outĒ. Yeah, there is no guarantee in that clearly.
Yep - I certainly bought into that too. 5 years now. There are days that I consider feeling sorry for OM in being stuck with her - but nope.

As you have witnessed though - it's an uncomfortable life they lead and not the shiny one that gets projected. In part because they are the sort of crappy people who will cheat on a partner I'm sure. Given the rumours that swirl around my ex's potential past affairs and the fact that she has poor boundaries and is very very flirty when she has anything much to drink, I'm sure that OM is often wondering what she's up to when she's not underfoot. Or perhaps not - no way to know.

Nice that you are thinking of stepping up your game in day to day interactions. I know that I've let myself slide a bit in recent times too wearing sweats when I'm going to pick up the mail. I found it helpful when I was flirting to have my stock complaint about my adult son moving in with me "when his mother is a much better cook". Establishes immediately that I'm single in a non-threatening way rather than "Hi - I'm divorced - want to get naked?" - which might work for you - but probably not for me crazy

((Ginger1))


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Re: 13 years [Re: Ginger1] #2917366
04/01/21 12:58 PM
04/01/21 12:58 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,955
K
kml Offline
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kml  Offline
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K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 16,955
Youíve done an amazing job, and are way stronger than I could have been.


As for ways to meet men IRL - when my ex first left,
I noticed something. Men never used to flirt with me when I was in dutiful wife mode. But when I was in ďIím not giving up, my ex doesnít know what heís lostĒ mode, all of a sudden men were flirting with me everywhere. I wasnít even dressing differently. It had to do with how I carried myself. I noticed men and they, in turn, noticed me.

Also, once the pandemic passes, we have to get you involved in some singles meetups or social activities where singles will be.

Re: 13 years [Re: kml] #2917367
04/01/21 01:13 PM
04/01/21 01:13 PM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,899
Southern Maryland
job Offline

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job  Offline

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Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 27,899
Southern Maryland
Ginger,

You have done an amazing job raising your daughter and doing things for yourself on a "single" parent income. Your xh is a fool, but a smart fool. He knows that if he says he's broke, you'll pick up the tab. This will never change. Keep being the amazing mother that you are. Your daughter will remember all that you have done for her as she walks her path in life.

I still say that when you least expect it, Mr. Right will cross your path. Keep being the person that you are and one day very soon Mr. Right will come along.

BTW, I can't believe that your daughter will be in high school next year. Time sure doesn't stand still.

Be proud of all that you have accomplished!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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