You walk away and go live a great life. Don’t waste your time with tracers, files and pressing charges. Eventually you will find a woman who wants to be with you. Don’t chase one who doesn’t and don’t try to ruin their lives.
If you need to do something to feel better then email Oms wife and let her know she might want to get tested for STDs.
I would tell OW because she is being harmed (e.g., possible STDs) and I'd want someone to tell me if I were in her shoes. I probably would not report your STBXW to the board because I doubt cheating on you harms her clients. For me, that action would be more like seeking petty vengeance than seeking justice.
Those are my values. It's okay if they're not the same as others'.
You walk away and go live a great life. Don’t waste your time with tracers, files and pressing charges. Eventually you will find a woman who wants to be with you. Don’t chase one who doesn’t and don’t try to ruin their lives.
If you need to do something to feel better then email Oms wife and let her know she might want to get tested for STDs.
^^^ this. All of this energy put into snooping/revenge/justice etc would probably be much more productive to put into yourself. I get that you are hurt, and you're acting on that, and scorched earth can feel like it'd be satisfying, but what's the point?
in an earlier post when Steve asked what you're doing to GAL and said you are focusing too much on her:
Quote
The only interactions we have are unavoidable ones. I work to arrange her schedule so there will be days when we dont even see each other.
The funny thing is, her and OM are way more interested in what Im doing. STBXW thought there was another tracker on the car, because I was in the garage too much, and I wasnt getting anything out of the refrigerator there. They talk about how many times i walk the dog, everything. Every word I say is over analyzed.
Things that are avoidable = spying, tracking, obsessing over her every move in the same way you say she is with you. Sounds like a lot of time and effort you could be using to GAL.
What is this intel that you keep referring to? Are you recording their conversations or something?
Nick, you are unraveling at the seams and fast. As others have pointed out, let go of the snooping and start working on yourself. Focus on STBX in stunning growth in yourself and your petty vindictivness if utterly counterproductive.
Now you know for a fact that she is cheating on you, the best thing for you is to stop all sorts of snooping, eavesdropping, GPS tracking and whatsnots... Not only is nooping not good for you, it is highly detrimental to your mind. WTF does is matter what she is saying to OM about you. Her comments are just painting a picture about her, it has nothing to do with you. Again, what she is saying about you is none of your business.
You are just tormenting yourself, you might as well be showing needles under your fingernails.
Stop snooping, remove all snooping devices, scramble all passwords that enable you access to snooping data and start living your life. Focus on yourself, focus on the kids. WTF would you take your family to a resort where you know for a fact your W had sex with OM?!? Would you lay in bed wondering if you are in the same room your wife was?
Come on dude, you are better than this. Treat your W like you would a neighbour, curteous but standoffish. Stop answering her calls, limit interactions and discuss only your kinds and finances.
You are hurting, you are like a wounded animal. And it is YOU that is hurting yourself, your W is not hurting you. You can only control yourself so quit trying to control your W, OM, OM's wife and everything else.
Wake the f up, slap yourself, dust yourself off, stop snooping and get on with your life (finally).
Nick a file for OMs W sounds a little psycho. Who cares if the om w believes you or not? There M really isn’t any of your business.
Just so you no my MC was divorced twice. I didn’t consider that malpractice I thought she was quite good.
Yes but in this state adultery is a misdemeanor. Criminal activity is required to be reported to the state. Stbxw didn’t do the honorable thing and get a divorce, she had an affair and blamed me completely for the disintegrating marriage. When I discovered the affair, she refused to move out and continued then affair in front of my daughters and me. Oh, and using my assets to further the affair.
Nick join the club of LBS who were blamed for the disintegration of the marriage. 99% of the WWs here do not do the honorable thing and D first. Why should she move out that is half her stuff and house too? She tried to hide it from your daughters and you but you were too busy trying to exploit it. Lastly, I know your personality type and I can promise you that you are not an innocent bystander.
I’m not trying to bash you man I’m trying to get you to do the right thing and walk away. Yes I think what your stbxw did was $hitty to you and the girls. My guess is their were some red flags before you got married and you over looked them. It’s time to start to heal and put this behind you. Dude the old HS rekindle is most certainly going to blow up in her face on its OWN.
[/quote] Nick join the club of LBS who were blamed for the disintegration of the marriage. 99% of the WWs here do not do the honorable thing and D first. Why should she move out that is half her stuff and house too? She tried to hide it from your daughters and you but you were too busy trying to exploit it. Lastly, I know your personality type and I can promise you that you are not an innocent bystander.
I’m not trying to bash you man I’m trying to get you to do the right thing and walk away. Yes I think what your stbxw did was $hitty to you and the girls. My guess is their were some red flags before you got married and you over looked them. It’s time to start to heal and put this behind you. Dude the old HS rekindle is most certainly going to blow up in her face on its OWN. [/quote]
That’s some pretty hefty mind reading.
No, you don’t know my personality type from some posts on the board and this is not the first time you’ve alluded to my culpability. Can you please give me an example? I’ve stated on this board that I could have been a better husband, is that what you mean?
As for hiding it from me and my daughters, I only discovered it when she was on speakerphone with OM while in the bubble bath and it was so loudI could here it in the next room. So she is not being discrete. Her lying to her daughters and telling them to lie to me is disgraceful.
As far as leaving the house which I pay for along with all the bills, I feel that if you are with Om you shouldn’t be in the house. And LH, didn’t you tell Curtiz7 to pack up his wife’s stuff and move it out?
No, you don’t know my personality type from some posts on the board and this is not the first time you’ve alluded to my culpability. Can you please give me an example? I’ve stated on this board that I could have been a better husband, is that what you mean?
Yes that is what I mean. You called your W a piece of garbage to her face. I know what kind of personality it takes to do that. I am not at all saying that you caused her to cheat on you I am just saying that unless your side of the street was completely clean you want to be careful about going nuclear and telling your daughters it was all your Ws fault.
Originally Posted by NickWing
As for hiding it from me and my daughters, I only discovered it when she was on speakerphone with OM while in the bubble bath and it was so loudI could here it in the next room. So she is not being discrete. Her lying to her daughters and telling them to lie to me is disgraceful.
Nick all WWs lie and are disgraceful! But you knew and you had to dig deeper.
Originally Posted by NickWing
As far as leaving the house which I pay for along with all the bills, I feel that if you are with Om you shouldn’t be in the house. And LH, didn’t you tell Curtiz7 to pack up his wife’s stuff and move it out?
Yes I am a big proponent of packing up their $hit and putting it in the garage. Especially in Curtis' situation.
NW, regardless of what you think of LH’s comments, the fact is multiple people here have suggested you put the vindictive mindset behind you. Yes, what happened to you was sh!tty but no more or less so than everyone else’s story here. What you are being told from people’s own experience is that this resentment, need for revenge and bitterness will primarily hurt yourself. It’s ugly, unattractive and is not the way to move forward with your head held high.
Maybe you tell OM’s W to get tested for STD’s, but are you really doing it for her or to satisfy your need for revenge. The best revenge is just moving the fck on and living a great life, it will be over before you know it, do you want to waste it on all this scheming and plotting?
I feel for you NW, like I feel for everyone here, I truly wished this forum didn’t exist and that we could all have the marriages and spouses we wished for. Nothing hurts like betrayal from the one who was supposed to love you the most. But, sh!tty things happen in life, there’s no other option than to accept it and make the best of the hand we’ve been dealt.
Me: 41 W:42 T: 14 M: 11 S: 6
"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
I believe in Curtis' case she had already moved out?
You need to consult a lawyer to understand your rights under the law.
Also, I don't care what adultery laws your state has on the books, those laws are never enforced. Trying to get her charged criminally for adultery is going to backfire.
Move forward with your life. Get into IC do deal with the trauma. GAL. Work on becoming the best version of you that you can be (and petty tracking, snooping, and doing things just to mess with her isn't it!). Work on emotionally detachment. Oh, and become the best dad to your daughters that you can be!! This is where all of your focus and energy should be directed.
Good luck man, I know it is tough, but doing what comes naturally isn't going to do anything except prolong your pain.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
