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Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2918554
05/05/21 04:12 PM
05/05/21 04:12 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 385
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JosephS Offline OP
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JosephS  Offline OP
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Posts: 385
Well, I guess life isnít done being complicated.

Number one they still havenít filed formal charges which is making me anxious. Heís a firefighter so I hope that doesnít come into play. And he is apparently the current boyfriend. Apparently they never broke up. Lol go figure. My ex also had her lawyer send a letter to my lawyer claiming I tried to run him over and that he needed to defend himself. And Iím not emotionally stable and theyíre concerned for the kids. Just great. And than...


So yesterday my girlfriend stayed home from work to help me. She helped make the kids lunches and dinner. She got my prescriptions and green tea etc. little things I never had anyone do before if I was home. She helped me into the shower too because good lord with a broken foot everything stinks.

However, because thereís always gotta be something, sheís laying in bed with me, rubbing my back, and she says honey, we need to talk. Ooookay, well this canít be good. I donít move, just say ok. She asks me to roll onto my side and look at her. I do this slowly yet I donít say a word. She has the biggest smile and her eyes are glasses from tears. Oh great. I instinctively know right away. I donít know how, but I do. She says my love, Iím pregnant.

So I have baby number 6 on the way. My oldest turns 18 on Saturday. Iím not sure how to process this on top of everything else.

Iíll update later. To much going on


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2918557
05/05/21 05:31 PM
05/05/21 05:31 PM
Joined: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,119
San Antonio, Texas
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joejoe1 Offline
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Posts: 1,119
San Antonio, Texas
Joe_S

Oooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........I'm glad you are ok, but this right here might become a sitcom on CBS or a Netflix movie one day.

I don't know your religion, but you might want to get that snip snip. You dropping your futures like Future at one of his concerts.

You will be in my prayers.

Take it one day at a time.


M:37 W:37
T:11 M:10
S17, S13, S10, S4
BD:06/28/17
OM confirmed 07/20/17
Recon the M 10/29/17
Working hard:2gether

Onward and forward

This process is not a sprint it's a marathon! Patience, Patience, Patience.
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2918560
05/05/21 05:44 PM
05/05/21 05:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,753
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SteveLW Offline
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Posts: 8,753
Well......

Joseph, not sure how to react to this. Congrats, I guess? Seems too soon, but it is your life, not mine. I am assuming this was not planned, and so there are a lot of future issues that this could bring up (like if you do not marry this woman, etc).

First of all, heal up. You have to get healthy again. As far as the accusations of trying to run over the ex's BF, there are witnesses and security footage so that will show he was not acting in self-defense.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2918574
05/05/21 11:02 PM
05/05/21 11:02 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 385
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JosephS Offline OP
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JosephS  Offline OP
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Steve I appreciate it. I thought the tongue lashing was coming. Personally Iím not to worried about the legal stuff. Thatíll work itself out.

I agree itís to early. But if Iím being honest if it had to happen Iím glad itís with her. And regardless Iím aware if things donít work out it wonít get nasty. I couldnít ever say the same as before.

Personally, and this is going to sound hypocritical, religiously speaking I hope god wonít kick my @$$ for creating a child out of wed lock. And the hypocritical part is I certainly wasnít worried about Gods opinion while doing things to make that kid. I am conflicted on a moral level. And though I always appreciate anyoneís support and thoughts, Steve I know youíre a religious man, so Iím definitely open to what you think.

Last edited by JosephS; 05/05/21 11:03 PM.

Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2918579
05/06/21 12:13 AM
05/06/21 12:13 AM
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 8,753
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SteveLW Offline
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SteveLW  Offline
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Joseph, obviously from a religious (Christian) standpoint it isn't what God endorses from a fornication standpoint. However, it happens, as you say, when you do what it takes to produce a child. However, the child is loved by God like all of his children, so obviously once conception happens, there is another soul that God loves that comes from that.

It does no good for me to berate you for your choice. It it like yelling at spilled milk. You can't unspill it. But, I do have a couple of pieces of advice to you:

First, you can be a father to this child without being a husband to his or her mother. What I mean by this is that I am not an advocate of marrying just because a GF comes up pregnant. One mistake shouldn't beget another mistake. If im the future you decide to marry it should be independent of this pregnancy.

Second, I know what you mean with your moral struggle. The act that produces children is a private act. Others might suspect it is happening, but no one really knows. But when she comes up pregnant, then everyone knows that it went on at least once, and most are wise enough to know that it happened more often than once . So I think you are struggling with the outward appearance of something that cannot be hid. I wouldn't worry about that.

Joseph, you can make your life right with your beliefs from this point forward. I don't know what all of your personal beliefs are, but clearly you feel that sex outside of marriage is not in keeping with those beliefs. I think it is R2C that says striving to live up to your core beliefs is paramount to living a life that is rewarding and fulfilling.

So what I think is simple. Love this child, be the best father you can possibly be for him or her. As for your moral struggle, figure out what your personal beliefs are and then strive to do what you feel is right from this moment forward, regardless of your past mistakes.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2919273
05/26/21 09:44 PM
05/26/21 09:44 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 385
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JosephS Offline OP
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JosephS  Offline OP
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Steve I just wanted to say thank you for your kindness.

So quick update:

Everything with the ex should be final in the next couple of months if not sooner. Everything is finally worked out and submitted.

I havenít heard a word from her since everything went down a few weeks ago. So hey, may have been worth it after all lol. The guy that attacked me was arrested for aggravated assault and harassment. Has a prelim next month. CYS did not get involved as of yet.

My lawyer told me not worried about her ever getting custody as long as she with him. It wouldnít be safe so on top of everything else, I got that going for me.

Onto the baby situation. My girlfriend is definitely pregnant and we had a our first doctors appointment. Sheís so excited and I gotta admit itís really cute. Iíve spoken to my kids counselor and theyíve pointed us in the direction of some very good family counselors, so we agreed to go that route. I think itís the best option for the situation.

Hope everyone is well.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2919278
05/27/21 03:09 AM
05/27/21 03:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2020
Posts: 244
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BL42 Offline
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BL42  Offline
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JosephS,
Originally Posted by JosephS
So last night I was pumping gas and I was hit in the back of my head, with what, couldnít tell you. I must have been hit multiple times in the face and my foot is broke.

All I know, is it was my EXs boyfriend who attacked me from behind. He was arrested and Iím obviously pressing charges.

Omg, that is bat sh*&t crazy. Glad you're not hurt too seriously (if a broken foot doesn't count as serious), and doubly glad there was video/witnesses. This is literally insane. It can't be common...right?

Originally Posted by SteveLW
Funny how WSs almost without fail affair down. Kind of make sense, since only a slimeball would mess with someone else's spouse. But I cannot think of one instance, here or in my personal life, where I've witnessed a WS that actually chose an upgrade for their AP. In every instance I've been left scratching my head thinking "that doesn't make sense!"

Indeed. That is an interesting phenomenon. A lot of people refer to the term online, but wonder if there are actual statistics behind it? Certainly true in my case with W's OM1 and OM2. Seems like they need validation / ego boost and the lesser person gives that more easily that the spouse? But maybe the "down" part of the "affair down" causes issues for them in the long run after a certain honeymoon period (whether it be 6 months or 3 years).

Originally Posted by JosephS
Well, I guess life isnít done being complicated...

However, because thereís always gotta be something, sheís laying in bed with me, rubbing my back, and she says honey, we need to talk. Ooookay, well this canít be good. I donít move, just say ok. She asks me to roll onto my side and look at her. I do this slowly yet I donít say a word. She has the biggest smile and her eyes are glasses from tears. Oh great. I instinctively know right away. I donít know how, but I do. She says my love, Iím pregnant.

So I have baby number 6 on the way. My oldest turns 18 on Saturday. Iím not sure how to process this on top of everything else.

Yikes. I'm sure you'll love the child and not imagine your life without him or her, but man is that going to be complicated - and difficult - for everyone involved. Reminds me of Wolfman. How long have you been dating your girlfriend? Is it true you have 5 kids with your ex, your ex had one with another man while married to you, and now you have one on the way? Good call on the family counselor for your kids.

Originally Posted by JosephS
I havenít heard a word from her since everything went down a few weeks ago. So hey, may have been worth it after all lol. The guy that attacked me was arrested for aggravated assault and harassment. Has a prelim next month. CYS did not get involved as of yet.

My lawyer told me not worried about her ever getting custody as long as she with him. It wouldnít be safe so on top of everything else, I got that going for me.

Good. Glad to hear he was arrested. Sounds like a slam dunk case with video and eye witnesses. If it helps you keep custody, all the better.

Good luck JosephS. You have a lot going on in your life. Hope everything turns out for the best.


Me:39 W:36
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:2
BD/IHS/Suspect OM: 2/15/20
Discovered EA & PA: 3/5/20
W/OM1's work & OM1's W know: 5/20
W moves out: 6/20-7/20
W w/OM2: 6/20-7/20
W files for D: 7/20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2919279
05/27/21 04:08 AM
05/27/21 04:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,845
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CWarrior Online
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Posts: 2,845
Hi Joseph,

The comparison to Wolfman's situation makes sense in that the pregnancy was unplanned, and the timing makes life more complicated for your kids than if you used protection and made a conscious choice. Please also note the differences--you and your girlfriend get along very well and you are in no danger of losing your kids. I think there is still a lot of promise in your situation. I support your decision to recruit a family therapist and second Steve's thought not to marry just because she's pregnant. When would you have married her without the pregnancy? Consider waiting. Marriage isn't to hide you had sex outside marriage. People will figure that out anyway when they compare birthdays and wedding dates. wink


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: Accepting and moving towards a good life [Re: JosephS] #2919303
05/27/21 05:45 PM
05/27/21 05:45 PM
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 385
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JosephS Offline OP
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JosephS  Offline OP
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Posts: 385
Hey BL42, thanks for stopping by!

Itís actually more complicated and less complicated than that lol. My 18 year old, I met him when he was 8 months old. Iím actually in the process of adopting him as an adult. So Iím super excited about that. The next 4 are biologically mine. My ex did have a baby in January. That doesnít complicate things in the slightest. She hid it, lied about it, and did whatever else. My kids know about her baby, but not because of my ex. Weíll see if it lasts, but theyíve never met the baby, and as of now have no intention too and donít feel as if itís a sibling. Whatever they choose to do in that regard they have my full support. My ex hasnít shown any inclination to have the baby meet the other kids and hasnít asked them. To me, this is going to go one of two ways. Sheís either going to run as far away as she can and pretend we never existed in a new made up life in a different state, or her entire world is going to blow up and sheíll try to come back and use that baby as a way to attempt to talk to people. No idea which one and at the end of the day I really donít care.

As far as the OM and her attraction, I think back to the numerous conversations weíve had over the last 15 months and how many lies and made up stories sheís told, but there have been a hand full where I know she was being honest. She told me what she liked about him, that she was smarter, he believed everything she said without question and she can manipulate him. And those traits made it so she can do or say whatever she wants and never have to worry about him leaving. The fact that he ďstoleĒ a married woman means he must be so special and they are meant for each other she would never do those things to him...she actually said these things, and I believe every word of it. Itíd sad, and pathetic.

CW, always appreciate the positivity. Me and my girlfriend do get along very well. Sheís active with me physically, emotionally and mentally. She pushes me to be a better person but does it in a loving manner. Sheís absolutely amazing with my kids in every way. If my kids need me they come first and she makes sure of that, as do I. As an example, my youngest was having a tough day because of some school yard petty stuff, and we were all supposed to have dinner. My girlfriend heard my youngest talking to her sister about it after she told me, and she stopped by with dinners for everyone from a restaurant with a Redbox movie for my youngest gave me a hug and a kiss gave my youngest a huge hug, and told me to call her later and eat with the kids and watch a movie with them. Itís the small things like that..sheís amazing.

No we wonít get married because of the baby, but we are going to figure out a way to live together in the future. Will we get married? Idk, I never thought Iíd want to again, not after that disaster. But I can tell you if I woke up next to her everyday, well the thought makes me smile. Just gonna take things a step and day at a time.


Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
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