Why don't you send him a text and ask him if he is having second thoughts? End all this pointless speculation.
Because I'm not interested in having that conversation.
Frankly, if it doesn't come from him it doesn't mean squat. And, I already posted that unless I see clear evidence on his part to work on his triggers - not interested.
That doesn't mean that I can't still lament and mourn the loss of my M or the H that he once was. Those are independent things.
That doesn't mean that I can't still lament and mourn the loss of my M or the H that he once was.
The one who choked you out and called you a fat a$$? Or before that?
Before that.... before stress an anger took over his life... and mine.
Please don't mistake my grieving over my H and M to be that I accept and gloss over the way he ended up treating me.
I look at my H and his issues as similar to an alcoholic or drug addict. You love the person but you don't love their behavior or their choices during that behavior. Alcoholics and drug addicts can change their lives for the better and I believe the same for those with anger issues. Its not easy... it takes hard work and expect there to be bumps in the road.
Just because I still love my H doesn't mean I'm sitting here pining for him.
There is a reason that the dog pick up will only take 5min versus the 40min he drug it out at drop off. I will be ready and everything will be packed up. It wont' take me 25min to disassemble the dog crate (and it really only needed 5min). I don't need to draw out any interactions with him.
I accept where things are at. I accept they may never change. I'm not waiting on him to get his crap together.
I got the J and J Covid vaccine 2 weeks ago and had a horrendous reaction -severe pain throughout my body where I was unable to stand or walk, elevated heart rate for 48hr. I probably should have gone to the hospital - but I'm a stubborn girl.
STBXH picked up the puppy. I had everything ready. When he pulled in the driveway I opened the overhead door and let both dogs out. My dog readily greeted him - misses him a bit I'm sure. I let both dogs run about as he loaded up the truck. Small talk was limited to how did the puppy do, etc. I reported he did great and we had lots of fun. I told him thank you for letting him have him for the two weeks. Funny--- HE NEVER SAID THANK YOU FOR KEEPING HIM FOR TWO WEEK... lol. There was no eye contact. He started rambling on about something about his brother but I really didn't pay any attention to it.
I never asked how his vacation was OR what he did. He didn't say anything.
He reached in his pocket and pulled out an item for me that I requested when he texted from HI was there anything he could bring back. He talked about how he didn't even know what this was and then couldn't find it - happened to be at a trade market when he walked by and saw it. I kind of giggled internally that he had to go on a quest for me to find this and bring it home to me... I just said "oh thanks" and took it from him. He stated he was having the coffee shipped back so he would bring that later.
Once things were loaded he called the puppy who suddenly then ran right toward me in the opposite direction. STBXH corrected him and puppy turned and went to jump into the truck.
I turned and walked into the house and closed the overhead door without really saying good bye or waiting for him to drive away.
I miss the puppy.
He hasn't contracted me in over 12days - that's the longest he has ever gone in an entire year without contacting.
I'm trying to stay busy with household things, walking the dog, knitting. I meet a guy as friends every other week and we walk our dogs together. I won't lie I'm pretty lonely. I'm still bummed about never hearing anything from pilot.
It is what it is.... just me getting through the day.
I'm trying to stay busy with household things, walking the dog, knitting. I meet a guy as friends every other week and we walk our dogs together. I won't lie I'm pretty lonely. I'm still bummed about never hearing anything from pilot.
Hello KitKat,
May I ask about that lonely feeling? Have you worked out when you do.. and don't feel lonely (without dating or contacting men you've met from dating sites)? E.g., I feel bliss when I'm hiking and during certain other activities, peace and calm when I'm going to sleep. I went camping this weekend and--while my camping partner wasn't great--we both shared a (socially distanced) fire with three "strangers", who I now know quite a bit about and how to contact. I rarely am "alone" when I camp. I guess what I'm getting at is if you can work out what makes you feel lonely and not lonely maybe it will help guide your next steps.
The Great Gatsby (the book version, maybe the movie version with Indiana Jones or is it Spock?) reminds us while it's possible to be alone and not lonely, loneliness is possible in a crowd. I'm slowly reading the audiobook "Lonely City", an interesting work by an artist spending a year "alone" in NYC. The first (or second?) chapter is about the painting Nighthawks. Many great things come from lonely artists.
Anyway, write often. We're always keen to hear about your journey. ((hugs))
I’d guess he hasn’t contacted you because he doesn’t need to use you for anything. He will again eventually.
This is true... but at some point the D will be final and there will be 100% no reason to have any contact. Thinking about that does leave me a little sad. IDK why. I go days without texts or calls and weeks without seeing him... its all good. But, it soooo hard to think about NEVER hearing anything at all EVER again. I'm not losing sleep over it by any means... just where my current thought process is so no one has to roast me over this.
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I don’t think he went on a quest. I think he probably did just happen upon the item and that really was his thank you.
Keep your head up!
I guess my sarcasm did not bleed through - YES, I know this. It just the way he talked about as he handed the item over was like he searched high and he searched low and there it was... like the heavens opened up presenting my tiny request to him... seriously its a tiny 6oz jar of passion fruit curd. It was a nice gesture that he brought it back for me. That's all.
My son comes home from college in 2 more weeks so maybe the loneliness that is magnified by living in 2100sq ft house all alone will abate some. Our AAA baseball will begin playing a shortened season in 2 weeks and I've already bought tix to a game - we used to always go when the kids were little so I'm looking forward to that. I also booked a 5 day trip to Daytona in August right on the beach!!! I'm working hard to drop another 20lb and be superskinny!!! (that will be what I weighed in my 20's!!!) so I look super good going to a friend's son's wedding. So I've got focus and I've got goals... and I have court next week.
As for court - I've decided I'm not going (I'm not required too because I have atty). However my STBXH has to go because he has no legal representation. If STBXH asks I'm simply stating that its not my D, its his D and I'm not going to be there. My atty has EVERYTHING STBXH and I have agreed upon for our final decree and I'm just waiting for her to put it in writing... Its been over a month sent I sent everything to her.
You know it’s interesting how people feel about their ex’s. My ex never physically or emotionally abused me and I have zero knowledge that she cheated on me though likely and I would absolutely love to never speak to her again. Why? Because she completely flipped my, kids, family and friends life upside down. I guess it depends on how much you value yourself.
It’s also interesting after the abuse and the cheating you still insist on it being his D. Sounds like you make have some things to work through.
It’s also interesting after the abuse and the cheating you still insist on it being his D. Sounds like you make have some things to work through.
Well LH I stated I did not want to get roasted.... as I was expressing my thoughts and emotions. I didn't say they were right... I said its where my head is at at the moment. I've got 10+yr to get through and they were not all bad.
Either way... this weekend I was sharing some stuff of my brother's and I got "is everything ok" text from him.
I wanted to say you mean outside of my H leaving me? Being stalked from a dating site? Having my heart broke after dating someone 2 1/2mo over a misunderstanding which I still can't make up for 2 months later? Yeah, everything is fine.
Instead I said "I'm good. I've had a great week. Hope you are well".
He followed up with "I'm well. You've been texting a lot so I was worried something was wrong"
I replied "I understand and you are right I have been"
I sent 3 texts about my youngest brother who is far far far from home. And then I sent 3 memes all of which I thought were funny and my STBXH would find them funny. IDK why I did this... I really don't... I mean sure go all out on my mental state and say I'm still trying to get his attention.
We have court in 2 days... maybe that's what has me doing dumb moves on my part.
