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Just updating the last 3 months

met lots of nice people while GALing - lots being in the same situation as i am and looking for company and just generally people to talk to, and it has helped massively for both myself and also i like to think i have helped back!

i am now off of all medication and have been for the last 7 weeks, friends are saying that i am the confident person i was about 2-3 years ago again and they like the old me!

Xw has moved in with the boyfriend now according to my D16 - don't know and don't care - her circus, her monkeys.

D16 started college today - i am glad her life is moving in the right direction! despite her mother.

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markw - How's it going?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by BL42
markw - How's it going?

Daughter has now gone from Angry to Depression in her stage of grief about the situation her Mum has caused.
as for me i am enjoying life and just trying to be there for my D through her grief.
the meetup group that i joined is going from strength to strength and i am loving the activities that they arrange.

i haven't seen or heard from XW and i am pleased that she has kept away from me as it has allowed me to grow within myself.

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Originally Posted by markw
t the situation her Mum has caused.

markw, are you in IC? Letting go of bitterness is an important step in your journey. This sounds very bitter, and something for you to focus on and work on.

Did you love her enough to want her to be happy, even if that if that meant not staying with you? You realize that is all she was doing, was trying to be happy, right?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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markw Offline OP
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Originally Posted by SteveLW
Originally Posted by markw
t the situation her Mum has caused.

markw, are you in IC? Letting go of bitterness is an important step in your journey. This sounds very bitter, and something for you to focus on and work on.

Did you love her enough to want her to be happy, even if that if that meant not staying with you? You realize that is all she was doing, was trying to be happy, right?

I do Steve - i am in a very good place its my D who is not!
i was in IC - but they signed me off as not requiring further help!

its all about helping my D through her problems with her mother

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Originally Posted by markw
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Originally Posted by markw
t the situation her Mum has caused.

markw, are you in IC? Letting go of bitterness is an important step in your journey. This sounds very bitter, and something for you to focus on and work on.

Did you love her enough to want her to be happy, even if that if that meant not staying with you? You realize that is all she was doing, was trying to be happy, right?

I do Steve - i am in a very good place its my D who is not!
i was in IC - but they signed me off as not requiring further help!

its all about helping my D through her problems with her mother

Ah sorry I misread that. SO it is your D pointing the finger at her mom, not you. Apologies.


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markw Offline OP
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12 months today since BD and what have i learnt

1) that this hasn't killed me, infact i have enjoyed the last 7 months or so as a single man (the previous 5 months were not so great as i was on anti depressants and in IC)

i joined meetup and used it for every opportunity that has been presented to me through activities and social events! and loved every part of it

2) been on Holidays and done things in the UK that my STBXW would never have considered doing or visiting!

3) met some lovely people and made some new friends who i enjoy spending time with

4) D turned 17 yesterday and is now boy friended up and seems to be enjoying her own life - although still very annoyed with her Mum and they still clash on a regular basis, not sure how long her anger will continue or if it will ever completely subside?

been invited to a friends for Xmas day and i think i will take the offer up

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Mark, great updated! Glad to see you doing well. On #1, so important to point out because newcomers think that this is going to kill them. Always good to see those that have been going through it for a while can point out that it isn't the end of the world. On #2, that is great! Keep up the GAL! #3 sounds great too, more GAL!

#4, her anger will probably never subside until she deals with it. You may want to offer her IC to see if that will help. I don't blame her for being annoyed with her mom. But holding on to anger is a self prison. Now young person should be imprisoning themselves with bitterness.

Enjoy Christmas day with at your friend's!


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Easter update, well its been 18 months now since XW departed, i have done a lot of growing within that time!
XW came by to pick my D up and i was home, she spoke and in that moment i realised i felt absolutely nothing towards her anymore and i was at peace with myself!

thinking about possibly meeting and dating again, as getting a few offers at the meetup group i belong to! a few ladies are asking for coffee outings away from the group- so things are starting to look up! nothing ventured nothing gained!

i am not looking for a partner at this point - i am looking for fun times and maybe more - but its not the main aim, i just want to be accountable to nobody for a while except me.

D has now got a job with the NHS and starting to enjoy life away from school, still very annoyed with her Mum - but not my problem so not paying any attention to it.

i am now looking forward to the next 3 to 4 months and getting out and enjoying the great outdoors

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Originally Posted by markw
XW came by to pick my D up and i was home, she spoke and in that moment i realised i felt absolutely nothing towards her anymore and i was at peace with myself!
That is a great place to be in Mark!
Originally Posted by markw
i am not looking for a partner at this point - i am looking for fun times and maybe more - but its not the main aim, i just want to be accountable to nobody for a while except me.
Enjoy your freedom! You never know how long it is going to last.
Originally Posted by markw
D has now got a job with the NHS and starting to enjoy life away from school, still very annoyed with her Mum - but not my problem so not paying any attention to it.
Just be the rock for your daughter. A safe place where she can come to you for anything.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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