As far as getting new people to post - I do think UBB forums appear dated these days - they've been around since the 90s and the look/layout hasn't really changed a ton with the times. Someone browsing thru could likely see the layout of the board, and to be honest the look of divorcebusting.com, and move on elsewhere.
I will say when I first found the website I almost moved on and didn't look back. Honestly, I thought it was inactive. I also thought the forums were just archived versions of the forum or the forum hadn't been touched in some time until I poked around and notice the dates and the postings being updated.
As far as getting new people to post - I do think UBB forums appear dated these days - they've been around since the 90s and the look/layout hasn't really changed a ton with the times. Someone browsing thru could likely see the layout of the board, and to be honest the look of divorcebusting.com, and move on elsewhere.
I will say when I first found the website I almost moved on and didn't look back. Honestly, I thought it was inactive. I also thought the forums were just archived versions of the forum or the forum hadn't been touched in some time until I poked around and notice the dates and the postings being updated.
Me too... although I have subsequently thought that might be a plus in some ways, since it reduces the possibility of my H ever poking around and finding me here! LOL.
If we are in the wish list space right now, I agree that some mechanism for people to connect outside of this forum and evolve friendships would be very beneficial, though I understand that the risks involved may not be worthwhile at the forum level given some of the past experiences.
And, it would be great if some of the other forums had more activity, like piecing. There doesn't seem to be a good place to fit for the not-exactly-newbies-anymore people except MLC or the Big D. I also wonder if there were more activity there if it would help to encourage more newbies to get involved and post here... yes, totally get it that DB is about saving yourself and not your M, but for the people who come here fresh and hurting and wanting hope, it would be a more positive sign to see activity on that forum rather than crickets. It also might help people who think "if only I can get my WS to stay, everything will be peachy!" to see that difficulty through active posting, not just having it told to them by vets. Just a thought.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Outdated technology is probably an issue for sure.
The 10 page thread max before lock is an obvious one. It is a natural point for people to stop posting.
Probably should ease up on some of the arcane rules. Like seriously, the word editing by mods and time spent on it is nutzo. But easing up on some of this might help and keep people interested. Might make them feel like they are being baby sat.
And last but certainly not least, it just seems like most of the vets have gone away for one reason or another that really prompted people to post when I first joined. They were all tremendously helpful and there were a ton of them. Now there seem to be relatively few.
Outdated technology is probably an issue for sure.
The 10 page thread max before lock is an obvious one. It is a natural point for people to stop posting.
Agree on that one - it is very odd and not something I've experienced elsewhere. There's a hockey board I used to frequent and we had a Random Image thread that had 5k+ responses in it. I'm guessing it is a bandwidth/hosting issue but in the days of Facebook Groups, Twitter, Reddit, all the Toks and Chats, YouTube, etc. you really need to make the barrier to entry as low as possible to compete.
Can this site be updated and re-marketed in a more organized way? That would be great!
I started reading the boards here after my own BD 7 years ago. I was smacked with so much loss and devastation in a short time. This place really saved my life. It took me many years before creating a handle and posting myself— I was too vulnerable before that. I recall some amazing vets and advice over the years — you Sandi (obviously), Starsky (incredible), Wonka, 25, AnotherStander, and several others whose names elude me .... The vets spent time getting to know the poster and gave very personal and detailed feedback. I learned so much reading their stories and following.
I feel like the energy has shifted in the last couple years. There are not as many strong vets with solid and in-depth support. It’s often the same advice from the same posters. At times it reads confrontational and short-sighted. Sorry if that’s harsh of me, but it’s honestly what I think most days when I read a new thread. Also, Newcomers come and go much faster nowadays. I agree that it’s hard to invest the time and energy, for them to vanish and then be left wondering or perhaps worrying about them. I think this has also affected my motivation to invest in people. Another difference is that this site offers more direct strategy without immediate results and it’s counter intuitive (which could be perceived as challenging or not realistic) so I do think even tho we have good intentions, people are scared off by that. Maybe they are easily finding other sites where they are mostly encouraged and validated in their efforts? Often people will often turn towards what they want to hear, rather than what is best for them.
I try and read fairly often. I don’t always feel like I have the time or energy to put a lot in. Mostly it feels like I’m not helping much. I would rather develop a few strong relationships than keep rattling off the same advice. I think the best I can do personally is update my own sitch fairly regularly.
Sandi, I’m sorry to hear about your health issues and neck! Your presence is a staple here and your absence is felt. But please always care for yourself first and foremost!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I also think there are some factors with the pandemic. People are on top of each other. When I came here over a year ago I could post multiple times a day without worry or concern anyone would be over my shoulder. That is not the case for me and I'm sure a lot of other users. Also for some people I think it's slowing down some of the incidents that are going on. Job losses, kids home all the time. Things like that make it difficult. The flip side of that is a lot of us who got here over a year ago our situations have calmed most are entering D proceedings or reconciling. And I noticed just in general, even when I first got here, that as people move beyond crisis either entering into divorce proceedings or reconciling they post less and less and eventually fall of the face of the planet.
Wayfarer, this all makes perfect sense, and I agree with you.
I don't expect anyone to stick around, once they have divorced, and want to move on with their life. Most people have little spare time to devote to a board. However, I always appreciate those who desire to pay forward whatever lessons they gleaned during their own experience. People tend to listen to those who have similar experiences.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
One thing that may throw people off and have them thinking that the "magic bullet" can be found on this Board are the words Divorce Busting. People come here looking for ways to save their marriage which is what this Board is all about, but unfortunately, many times, you just can't save the marriage...but you have to save yourself. People come here hurt, upset and yes in panic mode because their spouses/partners have lost the plot and have moved out or are acting out. Maybe it's time to think about renaming the Board and yes, updating the policies as well as fresh/new look may help.
I do want to say that many of the forums that you now see out on the net, that some of those creators, were actually members here and went on to set up their own forums. Why? To help others and attempt to put a different spin on what they learned here. Support boards are money makers in many ways.
I post on other Boards as well as this one. They, too, tend to have a lull and then everything picks up again when a new season begins.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
One thing that may throw people off and have them thinking that the "magic bullet" can be found on this Board are the words Divorce Busting. People come here looking for ways to save their marriage which is what this Board is all about, but unfortunately, many times, you just can't save the marriage...but you have to save yourself. People come here hurt, upset and yes in panic mode because their spouses/partners have lost the plot and have moved out or are acting out. Maybe it's time to think about renaming the Board and yes, updating the policies as well as fresh/new look may help.
I do want to say that many of the forums that you now see out on the net, that some of those creators, were actually members here and went on to set up their own forums. Why? To help others and attempt to put a different spin on what they learned here. Support boards are money makers in many ways.
I post on other Boards as well as this one. They, too, tend to have a lull and then everything picks up again when a new season begins.
Just my two cents.
All this being true - just understand that Job and I are just members like everyone else and do not own or have much input into the way this board runs.
