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I laughed out loud at the Godzilla comparison, the Terminator one scares me.

Mr B said it perfectly, it’s a dead giveaway to the values of a person if they let their young children meet someone so easily, people give away clues to their characters constantly, you just need to be watching for them. Not sure who’s says this regularly, but when someone shows you their true colours believe them.


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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If and when you date again, don't introduce your children to this partner until you think this may be a life time partner. I'm talking years potentially if the children are young.

Breakups really impact on children. Imagine how they feel when they are introduced to OM days later. Chances are, your WW likes to play happy familys with OM, but if shes in that "honeymoon" stage, all her attention will be on the OM, not the kids. So you make sure that all your attention is on them.

The damage is already done though.. In their heads, they will always fear being pushed out if WW / you get another partner.. So you be the best dad you can and never let them feel pushed out when with you.


THIS!!!!

If there was a second welcome thread, it doesn't have to say much more than this.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Originally Posted by LH19
Lol. Love the Terminator reference.

I once compared a WW to Godzilla crashing through a city destroying everything in its path with people fleeing everywhere.


Which is why it is our duty as LBS's to detach and turn into King Kong and wreck Godzilla so that the childrens can live happily ever after.


H 34
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BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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I am not quite sure I want my children remembering me as King Kong and their mother as Godzilla. laugh

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laugh

Vapo, any comments on workouts?


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Originally Posted by Vapo
I am not quite sure I want my children remembering me as King Kong and their mother as Godzilla. laugh


LOL

Well......what they remember about their mother is up to her. But good point.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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MrBrside/LH19/OnlyBent/ovrrnbw/Vapo - Terminator, and Godzilla, and King Kong...oh my! LOL! Thanks for that. You all certainly brought some levity to my day! laugh

Mumin - Appreciate the workout routine suggestion. I'll check it out.

MrBrside,

Great insights in here. I'm going to read through this several times.

Originally Posted by MrBrside
Since i found this site, and Sandi's rules, i look at a WW in 1 way - Selfish. Pure and Simple.

I don't think i've read a single post where a WW isn't out for herself.

Selfish people do not make good partners, or good parents.

Yeah, definitely seems to be the case here as well. My family and I often wonder if she's always been this way and fooled us for 8 years (how is that possible) or if she just snapped between post-partum/affair/coming off meds. Either way, I guess it doesn't matter because we're a year in now and the damage has been done.


Originally Posted by MrBrside
If and when you date again, don't introduce your children to this partner until you think this may be a life time partner. I'm talking years potentially if the children are young.

Breakups really impact on children. Imagine how they feel when they are introduced to OM days later. Chances are, your WW likes to play happy familys with OM, but if shes in that "honeymoon" stage, all her attention will be on the OM, not the kids. So you make sure that all your attention is on them.

The damage is already done though.. In their heads, they will always fear being pushed out if WW / you get another partner.. So you be the best dad you can and never let them feel pushed out when with you.


I know from personal experience - My WW introduced my children to OM 3 days after she left and they found him in WW bed 3 weeks later. It shattered them. I saw the heartbreak that caused, and i will never put my children through that.

This is so sad. How old were your children? Not sure my kids are "shattered" at this point, maybe they're too young to be?, but it's certainly impacted them significantly. I haven't dated yet, and don't plan to until at very least the divorce is finalized, and even then agree with you...don't plan to introduce them to the other person until the relationship has progressed significantly.

Originally Posted by MrBrside
My Best friends mother was a WW.. She ran off with a man and left the dad ( LBS ) to look after 5 kids. My friend will always tell me how he was an amazing dad initially - he became their rock, and WW was gone... UNTIL he met a new partner, who had no interest in the kids. The relationship with his kids just stopped - His new partner became his focus. It was around the same time his mum ( WW ) split with other man, realised her mistakes and started to make a mense. He has no relationship with his father now. Sad, but true.

Wow. I honestly hadn't considered that scenario. I'm certainly their rock now, and plan to be going forward, but appreciate you sharing this example...I need to be vigilent any future relationships to change that stance and go down the wrong path for the kids like my W is doing now. I guess even the LBS can get spun out on the dopamine of a new relationship.

Originally Posted by MrBrside
On the note of dating and children: Again, learn. RED flag !!!... If a lady you are dating wants to introduce you to her children / go on day trips / stay over shorlty after meeting you - THINK !!!!!..

I have ( and always will ) call it off it this happens.. that date is showing you who she is ! How is that different than WW.

WHen you have them butterflys Its easy to think with your d^%*, but have a thought for her children - How do you know you arent the 4th new man this year that the date has introduced them to.. It shows unhealthy issues IMO - and selfish. By staying over at this hot girls place after 4 weeks, how are you much different from OM ? Ok, you may not have caused a relationship breakdown, but you are not considering her children.

This is why this board is so good.. Its not about saving that relationship.. Read the posts and learn - like you learn from the WW mistakes. It will make you a stronger person and a better father if you embrace the knowledge.

Good point. All things to consider at some point in the future when I start dating.

Originally Posted by BL42
Chances are it will come crashing down.. As in its almost a certainty.

She isnt thinking about house, his career or the fact he lived with his mum. Your post above is thinking to look at it logically - Not in her world - She is acting on emotion - dont try to understand or rationalise it - you cannot.

Reread the terminator comment - all emotion..

Once that honeymoon period goes, the resentment will build and she will find somebody else.. She will probably come back to you as a Plan B - do you want to be second riddle !

Could be it'll crash and burn. I tend to think this one will last awhile. OM1 was married 15years with 3 young kids, so it had glaring challenges, whereas OM2 has been single for a long time and ties to her friend and they've formed a "new family" already. Guess time will tell. Either way, the damage has been done. I waited an entired year and thought I could forgive OM1 once that ended, but dating OM2 and moving him in with my kids right away...that would be a bitter pill to swallow, and I can't imagine going back now. Really the only reason at this point would be if I thought it was better for the kids, not for me at all. But even then, I think I'm through the worse part with the kids and have been strong for them. Hopefully I can use what I've learned on the board to stay strong for myself if at any point she comes back as a second fiddle.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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Hi BL42,

re: Workouts.

They're highly personal. I strength train 6 of 7 days/week so my goal is speed and efficiency. I have weights at home, but I prefer bodyweight. I leverage that sports science has shown that single sets of exercises to near-failure are as effective as multiple sets. I'm happy to be done within 20-30min and spread that across my day as I have breaks, drives, or business calls. Bodyweight can be done at home or away.

LEGS - Squats, Bridges, Calf Raises, Lateral Leg Raises, Deadlifts (when I have weights available). All of these exercises have progressions (e.g., box vs bodyweight vs goblet vs pistol squats). 15min

CORE - Dead Bugs, Mountain Climbers (or other plank), and Side Planks (obliques) - Again, all of these have progressions (e.g., low-plank vs high-plank vs mountain climbers.) 9min

ARMS - For me, a PULL (pull-up, let-me-up, or row) and a PUSH (push-up) is enough - 6min

SHOULDER - <rehab/specialized> - 15min

ANKLES - <rehab/specialized> - 3min

CARDIO - A mix of 30min high-intensity or multi-hour endurance activities.

BALANCE - Balance is sports-specific. Studies show little or no carry-over from learning to walk a slackline or master a Wii Fit balance board to other activities. Climbing sandstone, snow, or mud is different. When climbers can't climb, they do core work. When mountaineers can't climb, they do single-leg work.

Train your goal That's where most of my strength work happens. I climb hills and mountains with a heavy pack to train for climbing mountains with a heavy pack. Your training may look different.


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Originally Posted by Mumin
laugh

Vapo, any comments on workouts?

Bloody hell, dude, you are a machine. I had to google half of your text just to decyphre it. Well done m8.

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Haha, thanks Vapo! Back and legs today!
Been going to the gym on and off for a very long time.
This time around though is different. I have already doubled my longest streak of consistent training.
Minimum 2-3 times per week for +2 years now.

Last edited by Mumin; 03/06/21 10:27 AM.

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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