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Hello,

My Newcomers Thread

I hope I'm welcome in this forum. I'm divorced 11yrs, but ended a 4yr relationship after our 3rd breakup three weeks ago. I want to continue journaling and growing, but I'm no longer interested in reconciliation. I also have some DB skills--listening/validation, boundaries, GAL, NC, and making logical decisions instead of emotional ones.

"I'm Climbing a Mountain in 97 Days" - I'm counting down to my future, instead of counting up from our breakup. It's a symbolic shift in my journey. As a ground rule, I won't date nor focus on romance until after my climb. I set out seven specific goals a couple of weeks ago. Here I make them broader and add a few more--

External Goals:
1. Training to climb that mountain
3. Put and keep my home in order so guests would be welcome
4. Put and keep my finances in order to survive and afford adventures
5. Work performance at an A/B-level (keep my job)
6. Strengthen existing relationships and add new ones where they align with my life.

Internal Goals:
7. Self-compassion (e.g., my inner critic)
8. Consistent gratitude, kindness, and empathy for others
9. Daily emotional check-ins - Be productive, but don't avoid grief
10. Relationship worksheets - For a clearer picture of what I had, have, and should aim for



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(((Warrior))) I'm so glad self-compassion is #1 on your internal goals. That's what I noticed on your posts. I like the emo check-ins, as well. Gotta go through it not over it!

I think you have a lot to offer others here. I know I've been helped by your encouragement and advice.

Excited for your mountain climbing journey!!


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Which mountain are you climbing? I trained for and climbed Mt. Whitney during my exís first affair - by the time the climb arrived we had reconciled and he went with me. We actually had to use ice axes and crampons up the last long hill to the ridge - it was early in the season. The weather was glorious and Iím proud of myself for having done it. The training for it gave me a focus other than my relationship and that was so helpful. I was 47 at the time. Went to Mammoth the weekend before to practice with the crampons and help me acclimate to the altitude - that was helpful.

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@hope, thanks for the welcome. It's slowly getting better--no more negative self-talk at least!

@kml, awesome!! My climb is similar----Whitney is 14,505' and you need to gain 6000' in elevation. Mount Rainier is 14,411' and you need to gain 8500' in elevation. Yes, I'll need crampons and ice axes, too. I'll be 42, so younger than you, but I feel older, lol. Great idea acclimating the weekend before at Mammoth. Were there any training resources you found particularly helpful? I'm still terrified of not making it to the top!

*** 96 Days 'til my Climb ***

Continuing to put my life in order. This week I saved $875 from cancellations and returns to free up money for my trip. I also processed and discarded a backlog of 175 pieces of mail.



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I think Whitney is easier than Rainier - mostly ordinary trails until we got to the switchbacks where the snow field was - later in the year thatís dry switchbacks. Rainier I think has more snow, I donít know how much more technical it is.

We took it slowly to acclimate to the altitude - two days of half- day hiking, then summited and down in one long day (original plan was to camp on the way down but decided to just power through and get to town for pizza!) .

I trained at home by hiking up local hills with bags of kitty litter in my pack. Made sure to break my good hiking boots in well.

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*** 94 Days 'til my Climb ***

We're celebrating my D16's birthday! I'm having fun making her days extra special.

Yesterday, somehow, did not hit me emotionally. It was Valentine's Day and my ex-GF and ex-W probably sought out dates and got them if they put any effort into it. It feels odd that I mostly hope they had good days. My focus is 50% training, 50% putting my life in order. So much transformation. When I'm done, who will I be, what will remain, what will be next? That "Who am I?" feeling occasionally drifts in. Time will tell.

The past three days I had two strength sessions and two endurance sessions. I set PRs (personal records) during the strength sessions. The endurance sessions were light--a 90-minute hike and a 90-minute cycle. It's challenging to fit in a 3+ hour hike on the days that I have my children. I'm considering taking a half-day off from work each week, then catching up in the evening, as I ramp up to my May climb. Weight's down 30# since October.



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Originally Posted by cwarrior
"I'm Climbing a Mountain in 97 Days" - I'm counting down to my future, instead of counting up from our breakup. It's a symbolic shift in my journey.


Love this!

Originally Posted by cwarrior
My focus is 50% training, 50% putting my life in order. So much transformation. When I'm done, who will I be, what will remain, what will be next? That "Who am I?" feeling occasionally drifts in. Time will tell.


Take a deep breadth and enter this new phase with hope and confidence! You are amazing. You are worthy. The next version of you is coming! Make room world! laugh


Me 51, H 55
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (18 and 20)
BD: Fall 2020
AP for at least 6 mos prior and still ongoing...
Divorce Started: Spring 2021


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Welcome CW. Looks like me and your daughter are birthday twins as Iím celebrating my birthday today too. Your goals sound really good and I am glad you have remained single as I know what a struggle your R was at times. You deserve better and I have no doubt you will find it. (((HUGS))) smile


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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*** 93 Days 'til my Climb ***

Yesterday was D16's birthday. For breakfast, I dusted off the waffle iron I hadn't used in 5yrs and made waffles. Mid-day I snuck out for a training hike and core work. For dinner, I make steak rotini alfredo. For dessert, I made a vanilla buttercream cake. All. From. Scratch. I decorated (w/ help from S11). I wrapped presents. 2 loads of laundry. 3 loads of dishes. I'm astonished how much energy I have when it's not diverted into a failing relationship.

In 3 days I have to plonk down $$$ for a guide. Climbing Ranier involves crossing a glacier with (obvious) crevasses, hence the guide. It's one reason I want to go--after reading about Mawson and Shackleton's trips to Antarctica. Most "glaciers" in the lower 49 states are small and no longer true glaciers (they've stopped moving).

I have a hike in mind tomorrow to assess where I'm at before I pay. Today, my l.knee and r.ankle are sore, so it's a rest day except for cycling (active recovery), and maybe an upper body workout.



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Quote
I'm astonished how much energy I have when it's not diverted into a failing relationship.


This!

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