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A Message from Michele
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Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918498
05/04/21 02:22 PM
05/04/21 02:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
But D - one question. You have been divorced for several years now. Your ex shows no signs of recovering from whatever craziness she has. Your kids have moved out.

Are you ever going to dip your toe back into the dating pool?

Maybe.

However for right now, no.


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918504
05/04/21 04:08 PM
05/04/21 04:08 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning

A clear blue sky and zero degrees welcomed me this Tuesday morning. S20 is visiting for the week and I am on vacation. I slept in until 8:00am, something due to watching Star Wars until midnight. Lol

Having another set of hands around lead to my upgrading my TV. S20 and I replaced my 63Ē wall mount plasma with a 85Ē QLED. Oh, such a good picture!

Had some issues getting it setup with the rest of the entertainment equipment. Turned out the eARC on the HDMI on the TV and the receiver were causing some problems; sound dropping out, not sensing the digital input, and so on. After many attempts at resolution - audio return channel is pretty cool but takes considerable effort to get working and to keep working - I purchased an optical audio cable and fed the audio output from the smart TV to the receiver directly and assigned the optical input on the receiver. Poof, no more problems.

Updated the TV and inputs on all the scripts on the Harmony remote and itís working perfectly. I now use the TV for streaming services rather than my Apple TV or Play Station. Itís a better interface and quicker.

With this Iíve signed up for Disney Plus. S20 and I are watching the aforementioned Star Wars saga from start to finish - chronologically rather than cinematic release. Three down, seven to go. Lol.

Last week D18 called me as she has found a place and wants to move, and she requires a co-signer for the lease. I popped in after work and discussed the plan, and spoke to both her and S20. Their wee basement suite is pretty small for both of them. D18 is wanting to get a cat as well, and the new place is pet friendly. Brother and sister are not fighting and are both looking kind of forward to living alone.

So, one co-signed application later and D18 has a new place. Itís bigger than the basement suite, has an outdoor heated pool, and is cheaper (by $30/month smile ). It is further away from the university. S20 is happy remaining where he is, as he likes being within walking distance to university.

D18 has two jobs and can afford her plan. S20 is working again at the university over the summer and can also afford this plan. S23 is working full time, GF is working her teaching job. S24 found a trucking job for the summer, and GF is working full time. Things are going very well financially.

Educationally, things are also going great. S24 did very well, getting Aís and A+ís in his architecture curriculum. D18 also earned Aís and A+ís in her courses. S20 blew the door off again, straight A+.

He told me about his course exams, pretty hard stuff. For example, the quantum physics exam was a take home 24 hour exam. It took him 14 hours to complete and then he spent 4 hours rewriting it out neatly.

S20 also brought my a copy of a glossy poster of one of his labs. It was an experiment on the affect of magnetic vector potential (I think lol). Not the affect of magnetism, thatís too macroscopic; itís vector potential, the quantum world, the microscopic, the affect of an electron being within the potential of a magnetic field. Yeah, I donít know. Lots of math! And actual real world results!

The interference pattern of the beam was actually visible. Actual quantum effects expressed in the observable world. The professor was super impressed and told S20 heís never seen such good clear results from this experiment. Hence, the framed poster that is now hanging in the university. Like the trophy case at school. Lol

It is very cool. The lab was super tricky to set up. They required perfectly aligned mirrors, camera, laser, and such. It took S20 and his partner two weeks to get everything working as it should. Many long hours, and probably not doable in a normal year, but Covid has the campus empty and therefore outside influence free. No noise, vibration, unwanted air currents, etc.

The space they were looking at was 2/3rds the size of a single hydrogen atom. That is incredible small! Iím still somewhat stunned reading the poster; seeing the pictures, the math, the explanation; while considering the scale of what they were work on. Their results - from the about 40 pages of symbols, logs, derivatives, and such - were seven decimal places accurate. Quite a feat.

Emotionally, all are doing excellent. Me included by the way.

XWís upcoming 50th birthday is seeming to stir her up. S20 has been receiving texts from Mom. These are going unanswered. Mom has now started calling him and leaving a voice message. S20 told me she sounds sad and depressed as she asked him to call her; that she just wants to hear his voice.

S20 isnít taking the bait. I prompted a bit to see where he was at. If he was good with his current actions and lack of contact. ďWhat if Mom were to die tomorrow? Are you ok doing what you are doing? Would you wish youíd had talked to her?Ē He considered and we discussed.

S20 is ok with his choices. As S20 sees it: XW is not Mom. She pokes her head out every now and then and looks to refill her supply of justification. Itís like a staring contest with her. Every four to six months she reaches out, over and over until S20 finally gives in and answers her back. Then she ďwinsĒ. Ha, S20 needs and wants me. And then she drops off again.

He wisely sees and even understands this dynamic. Itís superficial. She never shares anything about her life. Never discusses anything important. And of course there is the whole betrayal, cheating, etc... Immoral behaviour. We all choose our friends. How many want friends like that? Want that influence around themselves, their GF/BF, their kids? Wants their spouse to treat them like XW treated me?

50 years old this year, XW is. (Lol Yoda). Grandmaís birthday is three days after XWís. Grandma and grandpaís anniversary is in two days, and there is Motherís Day as well. I stopped in, while picking up bolts for the TV mount, to get some cards for the upcoming celebrations. S20 only purchased a birthday card for grandma, nothing for Mom. XW is a dim shadow. She is not involved in their lives and is fading away.

Love the sinner. Forgive the sin. Limit toxicity in oneís life. Compassion requires indifference. Empathy vs sympathy. Faithfulness. Loyalty. Accountability. Responsibility.....

Such lessons to learn at such an age.

They are doing fantastic!

And Mom isnít involved and most likely not even aware.

S22ís GFís illness was short lived. She is feeling fine and it was probably one of the many other ďbugsĒ that still exist. The Covid restrictions ramped up again and they could not have come out anyhow. S22 did send me a picture of the ribs he made. Rubbing in just how good there were. Haha.

Well, S20 just got up. With him here, Iím going to remove the snowblower from the tractor and attach the road scraper. Maybe clean some more of the shop. Get the lawn equipment ready. Whatever. It is a vacation, and S20 did want to help with stuff.

Take care.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918511
05/04/21 04:36 PM
05/04/21 04:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,087
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kml Online
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Re: the quantum physics: I was once simultaneously reading a book on quantum physics, and a book on Tibetan Buddhism - and darned if they weren't saying pretty much the same thing!

(I believe the books were The Dancing Wu Li Masters by Zukav, and The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche.)

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918528
05/04/21 10:15 PM
05/04/21 10:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 723
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IronWill Offline
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Hi D -

Popped in to say that I completely understand how you are feeling about your current "alone" status. I also have zero desire to see other people. It's just not there. It's like a void or a blank space. But not in a negative way, not at all.

There are an infinite number of paths forward, and people may suggest all kinds of things, but I also believe that if those other paths are not comfortable for you, or not something you feel like doing, then that is perfectly okay too.

IC told me once "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do." It was a very profound statement and it made me feel a lot better about my own decisions.

To wit - others may feel like it is "wasting time" or "the years are passing by", and I get that. Indeed it does make sense to most. Actions do have consequences, and the decisions we are making may mean we are alone for a long time. But in your heart of hearts it is clear you know what is right for you. That is also how I feel. Maybe for you or me that changes down the road or maybe not. but that is for later, not right now.

Stay strong, healthy and safe, D smile

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918611
05/06/21 03:26 PM
05/06/21 03:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
D
DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Those would be a couple of interesting books.


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918615
05/06/21 03:52 PM
05/06/21 03:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
D
DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
Good Morning IW

Very nice to see you my friend.

I agree with your post. Yes, I donít see my choices as wasting time nor negative. The years pass by regardless, best to follow oneís values methinks.

Originally Posted by IronWill
Actions do have consequences, and the decisions we are making may mean we are alone for a long time. But in your heart of hearts it is clear you know what is right for you. That is also how I feel. Maybe for you or me that changes down the road or maybe not. but that is for later, not right now.

Actions have benefits and consequences. It is difficult to predict all outcomes. Perhaps Iím missing out on some big benefit or perhaps Iím avoiding some disastrous consequence. The whole, oneís life could turn out differently if they had not missed that bus, or turned left, or some other at the time pivotal moment. Thatís the thing about those pivotal moments, their benefits/consequences are unknown, and the moment itself is unknown.

Therefore, I follow my beliefs and values. If something takes a less desirable turn, Iíve lived my values. And for the most part, living oneís values doesnít lead to consequences. (Once beliefs are organized and strengthened) My situation and life is pretty much an illustration of that. XWís choices destroy ďourĒ family life; it didnít destroy my or my kidsí life or family life. Much more benefits and blessing than consequences on my side of the street.

Of course, not dating is more than a single pivot moment or decision. It is an ongoing conscious choice. Iíll just have to live my life to see where it leads. smile

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918686
05/09/21 03:42 PM
05/09/21 03:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,900
D
DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,900
Happy Motherís Day to all the wonderful Moms here.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918691
05/09/21 11:54 PM
05/09/21 11:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,087
K
kml Online
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And to the dads whoíve had to become moms too.

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: kml] #2918696
05/10/21 05:35 AM
05/10/21 05:35 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,239
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Vapo Offline
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Vapo  Offline
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Posts: 1,239
Leave the KArdashians out of it laugh

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2918705
05/10/21 01:28 PM
05/10/21 01:28 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,087
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kml Online
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kml  Online
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Lolol

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