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A Message from Michele
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Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916097
03/06/21 07:45 PM
03/06/21 07:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Hello Own

I am not a biologist, donít even play one on TV. My understanding is based mostly upon those long ago high school classes. Iím thinking the number differential is from testing errors, as each parentís reproductive cell has 23 chromosomes which together make the 46 or 23 pairs. Other relatives grandparents, cousins, and such will never be the theoretical amount due to various bits and pieces not been passed on. And that about ends my remembered knowledge - which could be off base, as high school was sometime ago. smile

I and the kids should do the test. Sounds like some interesting facts are revealed. By the way, I do not like cilantro either.

So, being me, and I really do keep my word. I am at this very moment cooking up supper, and a few other suppers and meals apparently, in the crockpot. The 8 L pot is over half full. Tonightís dish for Mom and I is potato soup. Oh it smells so good. Iíve got plenty of bacon in there as well. When it is time for serving I do have to prepare a roux (hi Andrew) for thickening.

It was easy. Preparing was actually rather enjoyable. The dishes are cleaned and already put away. So, thank you (and Andrew) for the nudge. xoxo.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916113
03/07/21 05:19 AM
03/07/21 05:19 AM
Joined: May 2020
Posts: 315
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Sage4 Offline
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I love the fact that a proclivity (or not) towards cilantro is genetic! We had a large supper party once and everyone ate a bite of cilantro to test. 70% loved it and the other 30% thought it tasted like soap! Ha.

DnJ, your potato soup sounds delish!

I am so sorry that you have been dealing with the work issue, that must have been so disappointing. My pity is fleeting however, because you are so curious and engaged with your children, with the world, that you are never going to be 'left behind'.

I always curiously marveled at certain family members that would say 'I can't learn to email/text/WhatsApp, that's just for young people' and I wanted to say 'your grandchildren are young people, how will you keep up with them?' It's all about a 'growth' versus 'fixed' mindset. And you have the former in spades. Whether or not you have a certain degree (and BTW, I believe the future is going to see a shift away from the traditional university and accreditation standards and a move towards valuing people for their management, creative and problem-solving skills. The latter of which are slowly being eroded by generations of an instant-gratification, tech-heavy society set in a culture of valuing social media vs real life experiences and real human interactions... I digress). Half of your kid stories are about you learning what they are up to (I mean, quantum physics? Does anything make one's brain work harder than QP?). I admire your mindset, DnJ. Don't let absence of a few letters at the end of your name change a thing about YOU.

Hope you had a lovely evening with your mama. What a gift to have her in your life. What movie did you watch?

xx

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916136
03/07/21 03:29 PM
03/07/21 03:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Posts: 2,848
Good Morning Sage

The cilantro test goes over much better than the asparagus test. Lol. Just saying. Hahaha

Not being selected or interviewed is fine. There is a process for change; two of my many courses are change management and managing change within the work place; I could see my emotional response and perhaps got through it ahead of the normal timeframe. smile (I may have accelerated that a wee bit. lol)

I did, and truthful still do, hold do a desire to perform a purely management type roll with a DnJ style approach. It works everywhere else in my life, I do believe I could be successful there too. However, and this is a big however, I am me. My current role actually suits me best.

In a previously posted summary resume of self, I confirmed my constant optimism and my ability to find and live in the middle ground, in almost everything I do. My role is one foot management and one foot worker. I am a worker who leads the team. I have direct authority over the guys, am responsible for the maintenance and repair of the equipment, and make the scheduling decisions. I have plenty of financial responsibilities, HR responsibilities, and so on. Itís the middle ground between manager and worker, and I do it very well.

The rung up is more...well it really doesnít matter. I am happy doing what I am doing. Why would I want to change? Sure money was driver. I could have a wider influence. Be a better leader. Nope, I was incorrect and thankfully fate prevented me making a poor decision.

I donít need more money. Iíd like more. I want more. But, honestly, Iíd rather remain myself with what I have.

My width of influence. My leadership. The news of me not being interviewed travelled faster and had more support for me than the news of me applying in the first place. After 32 years I have a lot of good relationships with many people across the organization. My influence is pretty wide, and in truth, it is actually influence because I am not a manager. My ideas and observations have to be considerate and correct for others to buy in to them and willingly change their processes or themselves.

Even my ego gets riled up once in a while, and I feel I need to be right; to prove Iím right. Haha. Itís fleeting. Emotions when not reinforced give way to beliefs and values. Much better headings for life, in my humble view.

I am happy and thankful for the relationship I have with each of my children and their GF/BF. The two GF already have letters behind their names, and my four are on that path as well. Of course the really important letters are - job. smile

Mom gave my soup an A+. Lol. Personally, I think I used too much bacon grease in the roux. I know, how weird is that for me to say. Too much bacon grease flavour?!? What?!? Who are you and what have you done with DnJ?

And as I was lifting the bowl of grease out of the microwave; the bacon was cooked hours ago and the fat was in the fridge and I had to pour it; I spilt most of it down my shirt and pants, all over the floor, the counter, the stove, and the microwave. Ruined my Star Wars t-shirt. Darn. Just imagine how bacon-y it would have been has I not spilt.

Mom and I watch an old movie - Immortal Beloved. Good story. Good music. Some guy named Beethoven. Lol.

Itís plus temperature around here. The morning started at +2C. The fields and yards are bare of snow. The only remaining white stuff exists in the ditches, hollows, tree line, and where it was previously piled. A few more days of this kind of weather and it will all be gone.

However, there is plenty of atmospheric moisture from the melting and evaporating snow and I suspect we will have some storms yet. Those might be rain or blizzards. Ice or snow or both.

Might be an interesting time in this province given the current voted upon, not carried by any news outlet, labour unrest. Pretty glad not to be in management right now. smile I do like who I am, even if they lock us out.

Letís see, a nice warm Sunday. Itís a bit cloudy. A good day for taking the dog for a good walk. Iíll get my work clothes washed, and maybe do up my income taxes.

Have a great day.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916261
03/10/21 01:39 AM
03/10/21 01:39 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
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Hello All

I didnít get to my taxes. It was such a beautiful day, I walked the dogs and roamed around off and on for the afternoon and into the evening. Taxes can wait. They ainít going anywhere.

Iím going to pass on some more song suggestions for doing dishes. Queue up Rock Me Amadeus by Faldo, Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, and Faithfully by Journey. Crank it up, and youíll be bopping away. By the way, the 80ís is still the best decade for music and movies. Lol.

Take care. And donít chip the dishes while singing.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916272
03/10/21 05:16 AM
03/10/21 05:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,828
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OwnIt Offline
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I'm glad the soup was a success and that you enjoyed a beautiful day, by arctic Canadian winter standards anyway.

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916291
03/10/21 04:22 PM
03/10/21 04:22 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,574
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HaWho Offline
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HaWho  Offline
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Nice to read that all is well with you. Lots of good stuff happening in the rebuilding of your beautiful life.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916378
03/12/21 11:34 AM
03/12/21 11:34 AM
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 83
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Eagle3 Offline
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Posts: 83
Good to hear all is well with you DnJ.

Sorry to hear about the missed job opportunity but as I can read you have already accepted this in full, you continue to walk your path of forgiveness, integrity, respect, etc., even in this aspect which is great!

Have a nice weekend!


Me (43) H (42)
M:14 T:18, S16, S13 & S13
4/19 BD1 ILYB & OW1 until 02/20
02/20-08/20 Home
08/20 Moves abroad for W
12/20 BD2 wants divorce, I agree (possible OW2)
02/21 I file since no action from H
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916647
03/17/21 02:19 AM
03/17/21 02:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
Hello All

Own - Yes the soup, more like chowder, was a success. I made another batch last weekend to finish up the other half of the ingredients.

The weather is turning quite spring-like. I was walking around wearing just a sweater the other afternoon. In March! My goodness. We usually have feet of snow and blizzards still. Lol.

(Oh, and pants. Not just a sweater.)


HaWho - How wonderful to have you pop in. You are another one of my most admired gals who was always levelheaded in her situation. I still recall my first introduction to you. And how with H being so crazy you were looking up brain tumours and such for an explanation. I, and the kids, did the same for my W, their Mom. I always appreciated and respected your validation and opinion and experience.

My life has turned out quite wonderful. Something, that for a time, I was quite unable to even imagine. I got a great deal of support here, and I thank you for all you did. xoxo


Eagle - Oh my goodness! Not getting that job was a huge blessing. Someone is looking out for me.

Not that youíll see this in the news - my union is on strike. 2300 members on strike. I was walking the picket line last Friday. Had a fantastic time by the way. Waved to every single car that passed by, around 7000 by my calculations. Had a 95% support rate with waving back, honking, and some actually stopping to get more information. The other 5% just starred straight ahead as they drove passed. Only two cars gave us workers the finger on the way by. Lol. Pretty darn good support!

My new boss is thrust into a very uncomfortable position right off the hop. There are quite a lot of agitated people who, letís say, do not have my propensity for forgiveness.

While walking back and forth for nine unpaid hours I was still looked towards as a leader. It dawned upon me, I am the highest pay grade out there. There is only one of my classification out of the 70 or so of us. I am the top of the worker class, that missed job is the lowest of the manager ranks. Money aside, which would I choose to do? Interesting answer.

Letís say (again with some vagueness smile ), it is so interesting how in times like this peopleís true colours show. I am very happy to walk unpaid in a strike line. I like who I am, and really dodged a bullet with that job. I appreciate and snuggle into my good nightís sleeps with a peaceful mind and heart.


D18 is back to work. The place of work finally could open again and she has many shifts. She is pretty happy to be working and get out of the apartment once in a while. And earning some spending money is good for her (and me haha).

The boys are all doing well too. S22 is neck deep in the programming project he is involved with. S24 is doing well in university and eager to get his car back out on the road after winterís storage. With the better weather and less stringent Covid protocols we are all looking to have a family super again. That will be fun, itís long over due.

There is plenty of stress at work. So far only one day of strike in the rolling work actions. However, things are reaching the tipping point and in a few days I suspect we may be well into a lose/lose outcome as the only possible ending to this impasse. Currently we are all at work keeping the lights on, but weíve been suggested to gather all personal belongings and take them off site.

Oh well, Iíll roll with it.

Have a good day everyone. And if you drive by, honk and wave back. smile

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916870
03/21/21 04:01 PM
03/21/21 04:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2019
Posts: 719
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IronWill Offline
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Hi D

Hope you are well. Your strength in the face of adversity is always a breath of fresh air. I find myself thinking when things get tough,what would D do in this situation, or how would D respond?

Thank you for that smile

Struggling with ancxiety and feeling down still. I had forgotten what time of year it is until recently I awoke and remembered that 2 year mark has now passed. At least there is a concrete reason and for that logic i am grateful. It will pass like all things pass.

There are many things I could write about, many complaints and nitpicks of my situation but they are truly just petty feelings that come and go. At this point those feelings happen without rhyme or reason. But when I find myself struggling with the univers or god or however one views this reality, I now feel an urge to slow down or stop and breathe. I remember my friend (you) who has been through many things similar to myself. I search for the calm and the steady, logic and reason, and remember that I have my whole life to figure the rest of it out.

Take care D I hope you have a great day

Re: A Great Life #10 [Re: DnJ] #2916892
03/22/21 02:50 PM
03/22/21 02:50 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,848
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DnJ Offline OP
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DnJ  Offline OP
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Good Morning IW

I am honoured by your friendship and your faith in the path I journey. I believe we walk with similar headings and goals. And I am pleased to be seen as fresh air.

Forgetting the two year mark is a good sign of healing and letting go.

For a long while I kept track of everything. Well, not everything, just that which related to W and our R. It happens, and is normal, for a mind and heart torn from such actions as those as our spouse. My lists were in my head, and updated what seemed continually without my conscious effort. Everyday, I had the knowledge of how many months, weeks, days, even hours smile , since W left, or she last spoke to me, or spoke to the kids, or I saw her, or we ML, etc...

As my focus turned away from her (you can easily see how central she was in this lists), I started to let go. Too really let go. In time the recollection of those lists and timeframes became less precise. Lost were the days, it became weeks; then it was only months. The next smaller units of time dropping away as I further let go my feelings and diminished the important of such information in my mind. To miss the two year mark - is a good sign indeed.

There is much struggle as we let go our addiction to our spouse. And yes, feeling down happens. Loss has grief. Even positive loss like letting go that which doesnít serve you, has grief associated with it. All changes are resisted and met with similar feelings. The intensity of this feelings; which are quite irrational and not directly controllable only influenced; are based upon the individualís traits, past, characteristics, etc. No two people grieve exactly the same. And something that is very minor to someone else could be world shattering to another.

We are not weaponless in this fight, and yes it is a battle to let go. Mental assertiveness. Sword and shield. That concrete reason and logic is that which serves us. We directly control our minds. Our hearts and feelings will eventually follow. As you said, it will pass.

I like how you are not dwelling upon those petty and nitpicking things. And that you can see they are petty and small. In the void of indifference our feelings loom larger than the really are, and one needs to realize that skew of perception.

The feelings coming and going without rhyme or reason is also pretty standard. Bargaining and depression as the last vestiges hang on before acceptance. Validate your feelings, for they are true. And continue to be accurate in thought and heart.

Slowing down, is a very good strategy. Well done! I very much used this often and still do. It is firmly within my beliefs and happens rather effortlessly. A few things I do, which Iíve seen in your posts as well, is to type things out fully. Iíve only used the abbreviation of ďsitchĒ a couple of times; I always type out situation. It slows me down, forces my thoughts to slow to what my fingers can type. I also do not like the red line showing the spelling error. Lol.

I more often than not write out divorce instead of D. This is multifold. D is used for daughter, as in D18. The more important for me was acknowledging my divorce. Writing out the word gives it meaning and reality, more than the letter D. That was something I knew I needed to do. To face my denial and the unwanted reality that XW imposed. Writing our divorce faces it, robs it of its power and fear over me. (Which is all internal shifting btw. Lol. Foreshadowing smile )

BD or bomb drop is mostly BD. L or lawyer is around 50/50. STBXW or soon to be ex wife is like 100%, haha, Iíve never until now typed that out (I think smile ). XW, D, S and such are more designations; like words unto themselves.

btw, IMO, IMHO and such are used, as well as written out in its entirety. For the most part I post less text-like than not I suppose. Of course, I like accuracy and clarity.

Nothing wrong with slowing down and breathing. Find the calm, the logical and reasoned approach, and continue walking. Our lives are the journey, and there is no prize for finishing first. Besides there are plenty of flowers that need to be smelt along the path.

Take care.

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S22 S20 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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