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A Message from Michele
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CanBird Offline OP
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I'll talk about the car later....OH what a week this has been (more like a few months). I did consult with a lawyer, so I did my do diligence there. The end result; paperwork was signed and escrow will open in about a week, when I start my NEW gov job. It'll take some time of course, as we know for Escrow to close, so that will be my final duck! BIG duck will have at least 1 form to sign, which will have to be done remotely as he will be back at sea. ugh... can this be any more complicated! OH right! If your ex is MCL/WAS they like it to be that way for you. Thankfully, the notary I know can do this remotely! YAY!

I was really beaten down my last post, and rightly so. For the record, I'll have my 2nd IC session on Friday. exH just kept pulling the rug out from me. I've been trying to negotiate with him since February via email. Like pulling teeth! Then we finally talk face to face last week and come to some kind of verbal agreement, but we have to agree to the letter. Of course exH didn't like the verbiage and had to have it HIS way, dismissing what I needed. It was exhausting going back and forth with him, via text and not all at once...many periods of silence and him refusing to even take a call and talk. SO frustrating, but that part is over.

We we're suppose to go met with a notary on Tuesday before 5pm... exH cancelled at 4:30pm, because he felt pressured, but booked a notary for the next day. I was SO angry, and felt defeated, just like exH wanted it to br. Almost like he was dangling the carrot in front of me and pulling it away over and over and over.

Yesterday morning, exH and I worked remotely again to finish up one last detail. Again, via text, he would not take my call. I finally asked via text, "why do you hate me so such?" That got a remorseful reaction from him and we were able to finish up and talk on the phone. SO frustrating! It was like he was a hammer and I was a nail. Belittling remakes via text one after the other trying to make me think I'm an idiot.

So, we agree. I did have to bend a lot and reword things to suit his needs, but it says what it needed to say. In the end it's my decision to agree or disagree and I have to live with it. And I'm okay with it. I go to leave the house and I see he's calling. I ignore him, as I'm going to be driving and don't want to be late.

Minutes later at the notary location, I return his call, and he said, "My car was stolen, can you come here, I rebooked our appt for later, I'm on hold with the police." WOW didn't see that duck coming! KARMA duck? That was my first thought (and my Step-MiL text me the same thing... karma). So I go to exH, he's about to loose his mind and then he starts having problems with his cell phone and calls are not coming in. OH double bad Karma! It was so weird.

We leave, get to our appt location early and go have a beer. I wasn't going to but opted for the smallest size. ExH grew more frustrated with all that was going on with him and was so short with me. At that moment I was thankful NOT to me married to that kind of person anymore. Such an angry person. We made it to the appt, and of course he found more things to get frustrated about. One being using my version of our agreement, I gave it one last try and he protested. At least we signed and got that part over with.

I didn't feel any victory in having that done, because I know there is one more thing he has to sign and he'll be at sea for that and it's not that easy, but it's not difficult and can be done. It's just another thing that's out of my control. UGH...

Any way. After signing he had phone calls to make and wanted to get food from D4 & gma. I was invited to eat with them, so I did. I stayed with them the rest of the evening, until exH finished up with the police. There was video footage of the thieves at very late hours ... D4's new car seat was in there, so getting a replacement. Luckily I have my own for my vehicle. Always good to have 2. D4 is sad her dad's car got stolen. If it gets recovered great, and if it doesn't exH gets payment for it. Interesting that he just worked on it, and changed the tires (put old ones on) and now it's gone. At first I thought, really? No way this happened. Did he have anything to do with it? I don't know. But there is video footage of someone pulling up, and another getting out and driving away with his vehicle, middle of the night. And he leaves the state today, and will be a sea... unreachable at most times... for 7 months...

Today I am returning to the condo where they are to get D4 & gma and there things. Gma will be staying at our house for another week. I'm looking forward to spending time with her and will try not to talk too much about her son. exH ask if I would come early and have breakfast with them... OH now were nicely nice...

My new job starts the day after gma leaves. It's remote, so I'll be home and D4 will be with nanny. Still have to figure out how that'll work. Nanny is fine with whatever works for me. SO blessed to have her in our lives.

Almost time for the sun to rise.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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kml Offline
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How do people steal cars on an island??? I mean, there can't be that many places to hide. Here in San Diego, thieves would just drive across the border with them, or take them to a chop shop. But I would have thought that's a rare crime where you live.

Well - serves H right for being such a pain in the neck. Glad you're not married to him anymore either. Who needs the negativity?

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BTW - are you sure the car was stolen and not repo'ed? Maybe he hasn't been making his payments on it?

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job Offline
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kml,

I was thinking the same thing about the car being repo'ed.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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kml Offline
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Great minds thinking alike, Job!!!

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CanBird Offline OP
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No repo. That vehicle was our 1st, bought for cash from an owner used years ago. There's video footage of people pulling up in the middle of the night doing the deed. No news on it.

D4 and I used it a lot. She was really upset, as a few personal items of hers were in there too. It was probably stripped down to nothing. I doubt we'll see it again. Sad, and an uncomfortable feeling.

We'v got our own vehicle and have been parking it in the garage. It's old too, so [censored] not having the second one around just in case. I've been thinking about something else for us anyway. Once I can afford it. Save up for it.

I don't know how criminals get away with car theft here either, but lately that type of vehicle has been targeted.
Easy to take.

Well, it's his. And he could of just as easily had it shipped off island or sold it. I hope it's recovered, but doubt it.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 17,344
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kml Offline
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Glad it happened when it was in his possession so he canít blame you!

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CanBird Offline OP
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Just when I thought there couldn't be more to this story, my MIL drops a bomb of her own.

MIL is staying at the house. D4 adores her. Love her, we're close. She seemed a bit upset after a long phone call she had with her husband. I offered my ears & shoulders to her, as she's been there for me so much with my stuff. At first she was hesitant, "you've been through enough...I don't want to add to it." I gave D4 some screen time so the adults could talk in private. I assured her it was okay to share if she wanted to and she did.

MIL filed for divorce from her husband of many years..over 20 for sure. Maybe over 25.. He's husband number three. She also talked about moving to my area, and exH thought that'd be wonderful. They could have a place together. Her permanent and him transiant I'm assuming (his gf is in EU..if that's still a thing). Who knows. She has an elderly mother though that relies heavily on her.

Besides that BD, we shared our concerns about exH. MIL witnessed the ugly side of his MLC/WAS colors. She shared how his behavior was distant and he was not himself while they were together with D4. I wasn't surprised, but saddened that he wasn't fully there for D4. Thank goodness for gma.

I took this opportunity to open up the doors for her to ask me questions about what happened with exH & I. And we talked about his pA a bit. I shared things exH said about himself never being truly happy ever in his life. I didn't share all of what exH said, as it had to do with her, but I felt it was important to share. ExH said to me he's still not happy. He could be yanking my chain, but MIL and his family see it too. I can't help him, but I'm always here to listen. I told him I don't hate him. I don't like what he did, but I don't hate him.

So he continues to play the unhappy victim, or maybe he's mentally struggling. Both? Not my husband. His family and friends can step up and coddle him.

Oh! I took a phone call from exH close friend and updated him. Didn't mention the affair, but heavy hinted. I still have business to do with exH, so I don't want to poke the bear too much.


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Good Morning Can

Wow, that certainly was a twist. Good of MIL to open up to you, and somewhat confide.

It sounds like XH knows about the divorce given his excitement over the possible joint living arrangements, her permanent and him transient. XH showing not quite the normal reaction to divorce news. Maybe he was told before and has had plenty of time to process this pending divorce, although thatís doubtful. This news will be another emotional input in his already scrambled plethora of competing feelings, which will have an affect upon him.

Iím glad you got the agreement settled and signed. Just one more signature to go.

And wise not to poke the bear. smile

D


Now: Me53 XW49 S24 S23 S20 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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Hi Can,

It is sometimes strange that everything can suddenly look a bit different than one might think at first.

I can imagine that it feels like a certain relief for you to share your story with someone from his side of the family. She seems to be a really good person.

In the beginning this is all very difficult because you and the children (if older) are the only ones to see what is actually going on, many outsiders, even though they are very close to you or to your H, do not see how this person has changed, since they have an incredible way of hiding it.

But after a while, and certainly after 2 years, like in your case, everyone in their close environment are beginning to see that they are really not doing well. They can't hide it anymore.

This was also the case with my situation and because of this I feel, strangely but true, enormously supported, and this helps us as well to take steps in the right direction.

Anyway, you are one strong person and I sincerly hope the sun will rise for you very soon!!


Me (43) H (42)
M:14 T:18, S17, S14 & S14
4/19 BD1 ILYB & OW1 til 2/20
8/20 Moves abroad for W,shows improvement
12/20 BD2 back in tunnel,OW2,wants divorce(no action)
6/21 improvement noticeable again
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