Well it was supposed to be about the kids. It was to tell me they don’t have school the next two Mondays and it evolved into this other extra stuff. But I put my foot down. Told her I’m not here to listen that I’m not okay with being buddies. I told her not to be mad about it for the kids sake. She said “I’m not mad, your a sour patch right now you are sour but you will be sweet later” lol. Usually that is correct but this time She’s got another thing coming. See if I answer the phone again. If it’s not a text about the kids ain’t even looking at it. Just removed her from my social media. And I cancelled her car insurance under my USAA. Also cancelled my Disney plus and Netflix that she uses. She wants to believe I am still the soft attached loser. Well not anymore. Not after her telling me “I’m not trying to replace you just letting you suffer a little longer to learn your lesson” man that set me off. And strangely I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would for doing this finally. Yep yep don’t believe me it’s fine. I’ll come back next Sunday and update. It will be better I for me in the future I know it.
This is not a 2x4, but a reminder that your ACTIONS speak louder than your words. I like some of the follow ups you did with the accounts, etc. I also am confused because you say you had to say this to her, but I thought you had said things like this to her before in previous conversations? Am I not remembering correctly?
Also just another question, couldn't she have texted you about the kids school schedule? This is why we advise letting phonecalls go to voicemail. Steve, could it have been that you were hoping one more phone call would go your way as far as her saying the right things? Just a thought.
Look, I know this is a struggle. When my longtime on-again, off-again girlfriend would call me out of the blue there was always the sense of hope. "Maybe she'll say she loves me, can't live without me, wants to be with me and is breaking contact with whomever she is in a real R with right now!" The problem was that in the decades that she pulled my chain she did make that phonecall a couple of times. But her actions never followed her words. I learned that not answering the phone (and remember, this was before text, email, etc!) was my best course of action. If we are believing nothing they say and only half of what they do, then what good is a conversation with them?
Steve, you have struggled mightily and continue to do so. You've probably been the LBH that has gone the longest eating the most crap sandwiches from their WW that we've seen. My wish for you is to find your backbone when it comes to this serial cheating liar, so that you can move forward! It is painful to see you stuck like this, mainly because I can relate.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
While there are some things you could have done differently in your last interaction with your WW, I’m going to give you props for hanging up on her and not taking her on a date.
I don’t think your sitch is one of just NGS. I think this woman has conditioned you over several years, gaslit you, and manipulated you into thinking her behavior while abhorrent, is acceptable. Those are tough chains to break.
I like that you are getting angry and I think you are slowly coming to grips that you are dealing with someone who isn’t just a WW, but a personality disordered woman. You simply cannot DB someone who isn’t healthy, and I think you are starting to see that.
Take the next step and go pitch black NC. Only communicate with this woman via email and I think you will notice your confidence will start to increase.
Got a gym membership yesterday, went and worked out was good. going again today.
Stopped by in-laws to drop off homework my daughter needed. WW and her family were sitting around eating cupcakes, asked me to come in. I declined, left the truck running. MIL tried to tell me how the kids are not doing school, my WW isnt making them. I just said "that shouldnt be happening" and tried to leave. WW told her mom, he doesnt care mom in some attude type of voice.
She then walked to her car and proceeded to tell me how she plans to stay there when the IL's move to AZ like we planned and how she will take over the home. She then went on to say once they leave she wants me to move in. I said "if we are not together, why would I do that?" She got pissy again and said "I dont have the answer you need right now" I just said "its fine, im going to the gym now, ill see you later" she told me I looked good, gave me a big hug. I just left, I did my best to try to scram without being supremely rude to the IL's they are really good to me. I DO NOT text or call her and I dont answer her either.
On valentines I will do something with my kids. In other news I got a loan to consolidate my debt, it will save me $600 a month, will put me in a great position, rebuild my credit and ill be able to get some dental work done I want soon as well, finish a couple tattoos. I am not detatched but Im getting there a little more each day. Seeing the rotten person I called my W a little clearer each time. I will get there, and im working on it.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Got a gym membership yesterday, went and worked out was good. going again today.
Yay!! Keep it up!
Originally Posted by Steve_
Stopped by in-laws to drop off homework my daughter needed. WW and her family were sitting around eating cupcakes, asked me to come in. I declined, left the truck running. MIL tried to tell me how the kids are not doing school, my WW isnt making them. I just said "that shouldnt be happening" and tried to leave. WW told her mom, he doesnt care mom in some attude type of voice.
This made my stomach hurt. Good for not engaging, much. I have 2 words I got from another place, they are "Cool. Wow. Bummer." I use them when someone is attempting to triangulate. I also use "Interesting" or "I see" when I really want to tell someone to blank off. Find something that works for you.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She then walked to her car and proceeded to tell me how she plans to stay there when the IL's move to AZ like we planned and how she will take over the home. She then went on to say once they leave she wants me to move in. I said "if we are not together, why would I do that?" She got pissy again and said "I dont have the answer you need right now" I just said "its fine, im going to the gym now, ill see you later" she told me I looked good, gave me a big hug. I just left, I did my best to try to scram without being supremely rude to the IL's they are really good to me. I DO NOT text or call her and I dont answer her either.
See above. Cool. Bummer. Wow. Interesting. Also, and I know I'm picking here, don't tell her where you are going. She is no longer on your list of people you share your life with. I have to go, and then go. Also, good to be sweet to the IL's. Even if they are stinkers (1 out of 4 of mine are a major stink pot) and I'm so sweet to him butter wouldn't melt in my mouth! You could also say "I hear you, but I have to run, feel free to email me any details you need to convey"
Originally Posted by Steve_
On valentines I will do something with my kids. In other news I got a loan to consolidate my debt, it will save me $600 a month, will put me in a great position, rebuild my credit and ill be able to get some dental work done I want soon as well, finish a couple tattoos. I am not detatched but Im getting there a little more each day. Seeing the rotten person I called my W a little clearer each time. I will get there, and im working on it.
You are getting there! It's a marathon. Keep up the great work!!
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Got a gym membership yesterday, went and worked out was good. going again today.
Great! Going to the gym is action-oriented.
Originally Posted by Steve_
eating cupcakes, asked me to come in. I declined, MIL tried to tell me how the kids are not doing school, my WW isnt making them. I just said "that shouldnt be happening". WW told her mom, he doesnt care mom in some attude type of voice.. proceeded to tell me how she plans to stay there when the IL's move to AZ like we planned and how she will take over the home. She then went on to say once they leave she wants me to move in. I said "if we are not together, why would I do that?" She got pissy again and said "I dont have the answer you need right now" I just said "its fine, im going to the gym now, ill see you later" she told me I looked good, gave me a big hug.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I did my best to try to scram without being supremely rude to the IL's
Hmm.. most of the dialogue above was with your ex. Just strive to keep doing better next time, maybe 12 words instead of 48. "Take care" or "Good night" worked for me the past couple of weeks as polite things to say before closing and locking the door on my ex.
Note, your kids skipping school jeopardizes their future and is under your control. Many parents I know would take action if their ex stopped taking their kids to school. Expressing disapproval was maybe you trying to find your footing before taking concrete action?
I like this latest update. Best one you've given in a while Steve. Except for: feeling the need to stay longer for ILs, letting her hug you, and saying what you said to her about the house. But those are very little comparatively to your past interactions with this serial cheater.
So good job, keep working!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
My ww called tonight and I answered like a fool, tried to just listen. She went on about buying 1,000 shoes. And plans to do things in the future. I told her that’s a lot of money for shoes but I guess if your happy. She said “you can take me on a date on our anniversary” I said “a date?” I am not even sure what your doing. You do whatever you went act like you don’t care about me or know me and you don’t want to be with me but then ask for a date? I don’t understand. Then she got all pissy and started huffing and puffing. I told her I can’t keep doing this, these games it’s rediculous. Don’t call me unless it’s about the kids or an emergency. And I hung up on her. Apparently it pissed her off that I was ignoring her at the birthday party last nite for our brother in law. She wants to play the field, do as she wishes and have me as a backup plan. I won’t do that. I can’t do that anymore. It’s destroying me to hold out hope for someone to play with me. I told her how I felt, and what I wouldn’t take. Told her if you don’t want to be with me just leave me alone and stop the games. And I hung up. She texted me “FU” and that’s that. I feel a bit immature but also better. Maybe just put the final nail in the coffin but at least I stood up for myself to this woman. Go ahead and 2x4 me for answering the phone and so on but I needed to say it to her. I cant keep doing this. I never told her that I am done but I’ve told everyone else. Now she knows too. I got no reason to talk to her anymore. And it’s a weird relief.
Steve, block your WW. Mine wasn't as venomous as yours but she said some awful things. Block her. Only use email about the kids.
