Just wanted to chime in and let you know we would love nothing more than to see you happy, Steve.
I remember in my sitch, the vets would call me on my issues. And I would get angry because this forum is about fixing marriages and bringing couples back together. I wanted to know how to fix my relationship so the pain the would end.
It wasn’t until after a few months on NC with my ex that I finally started to see things clearly. The vets could see what I couldn’t. My ex was never able or willing to change to make our relationship work. No matter how hard I tried, it didn’t matter.
Sometimes the best advice is the advice we do not want to hear. Because it doesn’t align with our end goal.
Steve, if your end goal is being happy, content, and at peace, put this woman in the rear view mirror and punch the gas.
I'm proud of you for admitting what prevents you from blocking her is what she says/does and she still steers your actions. We know you're struggling. Being vulnerable about that is strong. This was a step towards loosening those reigns, so you no longer do/don't do a thing based on what she does/doesn't do.
I know she’s out because my kids are not in school online as they should be. But I cannot control that.
Steve, as a teacher I can tell you you can absolutely do something about this. And you should. Your kids need you. Contact their school and find out what is going on and then document it. Document anything to do with your kids. I am absolutely NOT telling you to get into a fight over custody for petty reasons (not saying you would do it anyway), but you need to make sure that what's going on is in their best interests. They need as much stability as they can get right now, and you can help provide this. Their teachers should be happy to talk to you.
I know things are hard and I am so sorry. It [censored]. I am going through divorce myself and one day is better than the others. But the best remedy you can have is to empower yourself. Delete her SM. Caring what she thinks means you are still making decisions based on what's good for her or what she thinks about you. I think if you were honest, the only reason you are having a hard time is because she doesn't want you. And that can cause us to want to pursue if we don't have the ability to empower ourselves. Because she is not worth it. I can't imagine any men here that would think she seems like a great option. She sounds immature and unattractive.
You can do this. Take care of yourself. Remind yourself that you need to ask what's best for you and your mental health, as well as your kids. Forget her. This is the hardest part, but if you can break through it you will become so clear on this relationship.
me: 46 h: 49 m: 24 T: 27 DD1:20 DD2:17 DS:12 BD1: PA for 2 yrs 08/2016 BD2: OW is one of my closest friends 12/2016 BD3: H wants a D 11/2019 Now: He is in the same house, but has filed for divorce.
My ww called tonight and I answered like a fool, tried to just listen. She went on about buying 1,000 shoes. And plans to do things in the future. I told her that’s a lot of money for shoes but I guess if your happy. She said “you can take me on a date on our anniversary” I said “a date?” I am not even sure what your doing. You do whatever you went act like you don’t care about me or know me and you don’t want to be with me but then ask for a date? I don’t understand. Then she got all pissy and started huffing and puffing. I told her I can’t keep doing this, these games it’s rediculous. Don’t call me unless it’s about the kids or an emergency. And I hung up on her. Apparently it pissed her off that I was ignoring her at the birthday party last nite for our brother in law. She wants to play the field, do as she wishes and have me as a backup plan. I won’t do that. I can’t do that anymore. It’s destroying me to hold out hope for someone to play with me. I told her how I felt, and what I wouldn’t take. Told her if you don’t want to be with me just leave me alone and stop the games. And I hung up. She texted me “FU” and that’s that. I feel a bit immature but also better. Maybe just put the final nail in the coffin but at least I stood up for myself to this woman. Go ahead and 2x4 me for answering the phone and so on but I needed to say it to her. I cant keep doing this. I never told her that I am done but I’ve told everyone else. Now she knows too. I got no reason to talk to her anymore. And it’s a weird relief.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
Glad you're still around and posting. The foolish bit, imho, is not blocking her calls, texts, and social media to get off the roller-coaster. Do read OceanGirl's message when you have a minute. Good luck!
Well it was supposed to be about the kids. It was to tell me they don’t have school the next two Mondays and it evolved into this other extra stuff. But I put my foot down. Told her I’m not here to listen that I’m not okay with being buddies. I told her not to be mad about it for the kids sake. She said “I’m not mad, your a sour patch right now you are sour but you will be sweet later” lol. Usually that is correct but this time She’s got another thing coming. See if I answer the phone again. If it’s not a text about the kids ain’t even looking at it. Just removed her from my social media. And I cancelled her car insurance under my USAA. Also cancelled my Disney plus and Netflix that she uses. She wants to believe I am still the soft attached loser. Well not anymore. Not after her telling me “I’m not trying to replace you just letting you suffer a little longer to learn your lesson” man that set me off. And strangely I don’t feel as bad as I thought I would for doing this finally. Yep yep don’t believe me it’s fine. I’ll come back next Sunday and update. It will be better I for me in the future I know it.
T:11 M:10 K: D5, S7 BD: 9/1/20 WW continues to break up and recon with OM. I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021 Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21. Glad my D was not busted.
All talk and no action. Very unattractive behavior. We’ve had a few hard-headed LBHs on this board, but this is painful to follow. I wished I could say I’m as optimistic as Spiral, but if it keeps going like this, it’s not going to end well.
