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Steve_ Offline OP
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I am just done doing the things an H would do. Answering the phone, being there for the kids on her days with them when things come up, being supportive, understanding all that crap. Im seriously done trying, I am done being pleasant and nice and falling for the same old BS. Believe me or not I dont care, I know I have reached that point now. Thought I had a bunch of times before and she pulled me back in. Not this time, im sick to my stomach when I see how I let my life get here because of her. Honestly talking about it just is useless, i am even done talking here for awhile, yes i get the 2x4's and people give that wonderful advice that they got from a book or whatever that is hard to take but easy to give yada yada I can sit here and do the same until Im blue in the face. only you know and really know when your done with the BS and the discussing it and the worrying about it. Im telling you guys im there, and im done. I dont even give a F anymore if I see her with the next OM, it wouldn't even surprise me, nothing she does will anymore.

The reason im so sure is simple. Feb 14th and 19th are big days for us, we met on V-day 2010 and married on feb 19th 2011. Here we are approaching the 10 year mark and all I can think is "what a mess, what a joke, what a waste of time, never should have had kids with this woman, i garuntee ill be spending our 10th W anniversary alone, my dumbass even took the day off a month ago in advance I got a real problem, i need to just stop"

be back to update in a week, Until then.

Last edited by Steve_; 02/05/21 05:24 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2017
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Originally Posted by Steve_
I am just done doing the things an H would do. Answering the phone, being there for the kids on her days with them when things come up, being supportive, understanding all that crap.

Steve you should take your kids whenever she makes them available yo you
Originally Posted by Steve_
I'm seriously done trying, I am done being pleasant and nice and falling for the same old BS. Believe me or not I don't care, I know I have reached that point now.

So that means you are going to be unpleasant and mean?
Originally Posted by Steve_
Thought I had a bunch of times before and she pulled me back in.

It's not her fault she sucked you back in Steve. That's on you buddy.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I don't even give a F anymore if I see her with the next OM, it wouldn't even surprise me, nothing she does will anymore.

Well I hope you are telling the truth for once because this 100% is going to happen at some point.

Steve we read books here to learn and grow so we don't end up in these kinds of situations again. We know this isn't easy but you haven't did one damn thing to try to even follow the process. I know you get frustrated with our advice but when every single time some one tells you what you are doing won't work it is time to look in the mirror my friend.

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Originally Posted by Steve
only you know and really know when your done with the BS and the discussing it and the worrying about it.

It's usually obvious within a short time from a person's actions.

Originally Posted by Steve_
get the 2x4's and people give that wonderful advice that they got from a book or whatever that is hard to take but easy to give yada yada I can sit here and do the same until Im blue in the face.

Hi Steve,

It's mostly advice we've lived or seen in other situations. I invite you to read the last 16 days of my situation. Blocked calls, texts, and social media--check. 7 mini-goals I'm taking action towards every day--check.

Our advice will not always be right for you. In another thread a poster heard the advice to do A, B, and C--but explained C (retaking the master bedroom) did not work for him because he wanted a room with a fireplace!

I re-posted May's paragraph of advice a few times. I will stop. As with posts about the harm to your kids, you've avoided the specifics a few times. To be clear, you don't have to make changes or reply. Do consider where your avoidance comes from. Does fear of conflict or not being judged a "good man" prevent you from facing where you may be going wrong and making changes that are actually good for you and your kids?

I'd love to see you succeed, Steve, let us know how we can help you take SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, timely) steps towards extricating yourself from this situation.

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Steve,

Have you thought about using that day off to go to the courthouse and file D if you’re really done. I don’t think one soul would object to you D your WW. You have a week to fill out the court papers. You won’t need to do any of the work others have put in to progress in their sitch.

You sound amped up, let it cool down and if you’re inner voice and gut is telling you it’s time , don’t be scared. Don’t go doing that out of anger. It’s the logical and best thing to do. If you can see it from that angle, go for it.

I know it [censored] and there’s regret. Process those feelings and let them flow through. You got wonderful kids who look up to you. Let the anger subside. Then think about what is best for you and your kids. It takes a lot of courage. Be at peace Steve.


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

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Steve_ Offline OP
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Typically I would agree that I’m “amped up” but I’m not. I would come here and post something that “im done” call some people and tell them I’m done, maybe post a meme up on my FB or something saying “I’m done” but no.. not this time. I actually am done. I have tried all there is to try. I have done all there is to do, I have been more than patient and more than kind. Nobody can accuse me otherwise. I got in good shape, I didn’t berate the WW for the affair, took care of my kids best I can and they are happy with me and love me. It’s all I can do. My WW got the lawyer when OM got his lawyer. All the stuff is signed and done. I was supposed to go down and sign a paper to save her the $425 dollar filing fee from the court now that we are seperate and “low income” she wants the divorce she can pay the $425. That’s what was stopping it from being actually filed. And I’m not going down there to make it easier for her. She can pay for it.

She is off galavanting, posting up pics of her new boobs in low cut tops and “living life” etc etc. all while the family and kids are like wtf.... and she lives with her mommy after her and the latest perfect OM failed. This person is F’d in the head my wife is gone. I do not call her, I don’t talk to her family, I don’t post [censored] on social media and I don’t look at hers. That started yesterday. I’m seriously just tired of it all. It will take some time before she sees it and quits the games. She will bask in the attention of other men for some time until one hurts her or wants too much and she wants back to daddy or.. one will convince her she can have a awesome life like the last one did and she wants to pay the $425 for the D. That’s the future and I want out of that future. So I am removing myself. Little by little day by day. I have talked and talked and tried and tried. It’s time for silence and to be reserved. That’s it. Like I said I could care less who believes me on these boards. I have read everything you said and it was hard but it did prepare me for this day where I’m just F’in over it. Thanks everyone. I will come back in a week and update but I doubt there will be much new.

I won’t be angry with her I won’t be anything I’ll just be indifferent because I am. Yes it took 5 months to get here and a whole bunch of unnecessary pain. But I have arrived.

Last edited by Steve_; 02/05/21 08:50 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
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"posting up pics of her new boobs in low cut tops and “living life” etc etc. all while the family and kids"

Please tell me you aren't still following her exploits on SM??!! Steve_, man you are too far down this path to be stuck where you are. I am sorry to be blunt, but you either have to get busy moving forward or you are going to remain stuck in your infinite loop. YOU HAVE CONTROL OVER YOU....so exercise it.

Like I said before, you've made progress. Moving out of her parents house and getting your own apartment was HUGE. But then you got stuck again because her and OM#6 ended up not lasting.

Read that again: OM#6!!! That is crazy. This woman is going through guys, yourself included, like a marathon runner through water. She never was, certainly is not now, and may NEVER BE marriage material. To be frank, I think she saw in you someone that she could do ANYTHING she wanted and you would still rescue her, help her, take her back. You say you are done. You say you have arrived. BUT, you cannot seem to come up with the answer to may's question about what that means you do differently starting right now?

Things like:

Get a coparenting app in place and ONLY communicate with her on that app.
Block her on your phone, on your SM, everywhere EXCEPT the coparenting app.
Go consult with a lawyer to find out what you need to do in order prepare to file for D. (Documentation, financial information, etc.)
Double-down on IC. Explain to your IC that your goal is to move on with your life and to stop being there for and waiting for a serial cheater.
Double-down on GAL. GAL like a madman. Make GAL your second most important priority only behind your kids.

Steve_ you continue to flounder because YOU say I am done, but then you do nothing towards being done. Be done, fine. But act done. Behave done. Do what you have to do in order to be done!!!


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Mar 2019
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So yeah I don’t need to get a lawyer. It’s all done. Legally it’s handled.
I got my next ic tomorrow with a VA therapist it’s intensive outpatient (a step up)
I did not block all her social media because she calles me immature, dramatic and etc when i do that so to step that up I just don’t look at it anymore. I don’t need to delete it to stop myself from looking at it. I only guessed she is doing those things because that is what she has always done. I can’t go GAL as easy as some of you may think. But when I do I take my kids out, I go do stuff with them. The days I don’t have them I’m working 12 hours shifts at the psych crisis unit. It’s busy for me, money is tight to go adventure but I will begin to make more time for myself since I will be making zero time for WW. She is on her little “don’t care about me phase” where she won’t reach out for a few days then she will for something stupid. Usually for the kids. I know she’s out because my kids are not in school online as they should be. But I cannot control that. I am doing what I can do. And no more. That’s my over it. If that’s not enough for y’all that’s fine but for me it’s where I needed to be months ago at least I’m starting now. I won’t come back to rebuttal anymore of anyone’s 2x4s. I will be back In a week. And I’ll let you know how it’s been going. See y’all next Friday.

Last edited by Steve_; 02/05/21 09:29 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,822
Likes: 226
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YOu don't block her on SM because she accuses YOU of being immature and dramatic? THAT'S RICH, LOL. SHe is a piece of work. So sleeping with other men is ok. But blocking her on SM is immature and dramatic. LOL

Though I am not sure what upsets me more. That she makes blocking her SM worse than her sleeping with other men.......OR you allowing anything that comes out of her mouth to inform what you do or don't do.

Steve_, if you are really done and have arrived then no matter what she says you'd do what is best for you. PERIOD.

Have a good weekend Steve_. I hope you realize that we all want nothing but the best for you.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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Glad to hear you have therapy tomorrow. You should block her on social media. I have a feeling you won't/can't help yourself and if you aren't looking now you will. I think it helps you stay feeling connected to her. It honestly shouldn't matter what she calls you. That's her choice, it's your choice how you let it affect you and how you respond.

Trust me, I understand money being tight, but libraries, hikes, cards, boards games, parks, drives, cooking together are all cheap or free. If you would like more ideas for getting a life on the cheap or free, feel free to ask, I have loads more ideas, and I'm sure others can help there too.

Actually you can control whether your kids are attending school in person or online or whatever they are currently in. Contact the school, I'm sure they would be thrilled to hear their mother is making sure they are willfully truant.

I don't understand the enough for us all comment. It's not about us Steve, it's about you. I have a feeling you are used to be placated and coddled. The 2x4's aren't meant to insult you, they're meant to make you think, wake up, see the mistakes you continue to make over and over and over again. You behavior pattern is very predictable.

I don't want you to rebuttal anything I say. My response, nor was anyone's response on here to attack you or because we are bored and figured, heck..lets go be mean to Steve. It's because we all know how you feel, and no one wants anyone to feel the pain you are. Or how lost you are feeling. We are trying to get your to see the other side of the mountain you have to climb.

Good luck, and I look forward to whatever update you have in a week. I just hope it's not more of the same. But we will see. I'm just hoping at this point you don't disappear.


Last edited by JosephS; 02/05/21 09:50 PM.

Me: 40
EX:37
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

BD 03/06/20, divorced 12/23/21
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Steve, you are a grown man. You don’t block her because she will call you immature?!?

Well, THAT is immature . You make your decisions on what she thinks. Come on dude. She has 100% control over uou. Your posts still reek of “she she she” everything is about what she does and doesn’t do, what she feels, or what she feels or thinks.

I agree with Steve. What you ex has done has been awful, but the fact that you continue to let her control what you do or don’t do and you don’t make decisions for yourself is really what’s worrisome here.

It’s not about her anymore. She done and gone and should be whether or not she comes back begging for your forgiveness . You need to take control back of your life. Stop letting her control your life.


You appear to be completely spinning in all your posts saying the same things over and over. People keep trying to guide you on steps for an action plan to protect yourself, but you can’t answer. Your posts just keep mentioning “she ain’t coming back” your life is currently 100% controlled by her

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