Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
Originally Posted by Mumin
D her!


Agreed! ^^^

Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
Originally Posted by Steve_
Now shes not with anyone back at moms but doesnt want to come back to the M because she doesnt want to hurt me when she isnt for sure its what she wants. (in a way I can respect that).


Do you actually believe this? Seriously?

She has hurt you repeatedly and has no problem doing it again. Your feelings are the very last thing she cares about.
She says she wants to be alone? I'd bet my mortgage payment she's talking to other men.

Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 574
Likes: 5
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jan 2020
Posts: 574
Likes: 5
Originally Posted by Thornton
Originally Posted by Steve_
Everything is stagnant and sort of in "limbo" last thing I heard from WW was "I want to figure myself out, I dont want a relationship with anyone right now, I dont want a divorce either, your a great H and F but in the future, not right now" also "lets stay friends so we keep in touch and you dont fade away from my life, so maybe we can reconnect"


Just curious Steve, does this not infuriate you? Just reading that pisses me off, how insulting of her to even say those words to you.


Agreed! She’s walking all over you and then spitting on you!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
Yes, based on the stories you've shared, her respect and care for you is at or near zero. Most people show more respect and care for their pizza delivery person or a bug on their wall.

Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 418
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Nov 2018
Posts: 418
Steve,

Wow I was going to say it’s good you keep coming back with all the 2x4s you’ve been hit with. I can’t even joke about you taking the abuse well. Trying to get you out of that from your marriage. I hope you D your wife for you and your kids’ sake. I’m not one to suggest that lightly but in your case, you can do so much better without her.
I was thinking, okay Steve will see it soon since what he says sounds good, He’s beginning to see the light and then I read your last few lines... smh.

Don’t go a week without this board or your IC is my suggestion. Hopefully one day someone will say something to you that will be at the right time and it’ll be that last straw you need to break free.

Where you appear to be at now and where you outta be, it’s like east and west. I still believe you’ll get there though. I only hope you don’t have to drag your kids thru hell with you...

Maybe think of it from this perspective, you know you’ve been conditioned to take the abuse and from it, you can handle a little more and a little more. This is what I see happening. You may not think the kids are affected as you are, but I’m sure many can object. My question is do you want your kids to be conditioned to this level of pain that you are going thru? What happens as they get older and find out mommy’s been with 6-7 other guys while daddy’s in IC Trying to cope with it. There is no empowerment. Do you want your kids to live as if they are trapped as if they have to accept that behavior from anyone else, cause in my eyes that’s what’s happening.

Also while on that note of think about the kids... I see people using that as an excuse to staying in a volatile relationship. They manipulate that to support their selfish ways. I know it’s hard to go the other way, trying to do what is right when our minds are foggy. I ask what do you want your kids to learn from this as they grow into adults..
Then before you answer that, ask yourself if you are naive to it, or if there could possibly be more to it that you should learn about and get advice on from experts. Question whether you are possibly making a mistake or doing the right thing and why. While I feel it is never too late to steer the ship right, the sooner, the better.


H 49 , W 47
T 23, M 17
S11, S5
BD: 7/18
IHS: 7/18 - 3/19
Physically Separated: 3/19-4/19
Piecing: 4/19 - Current

----
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
A married woman says she “doesn’t know if she wants a relationship right now “

What the AF?

I have a better idea. Give her Zero attention and divorce her . Before your kids learn it’s okay for mom to walk in and out of the marriage and see that dad has zero boundaries. You don’t want them growing up thinking this is normal behavior . That’s way scarier than growing up in 2 homes

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
Originally Posted by Ginger1
A married woman says she “doesn’t know if she wants a relationship right now “

What the AF?

I have a better idea. Give her Zero attention and divorce her . Before your kids learn it’s okay for mom to walk in and out of the marriage and see that dad has zero boundaries. You don’t want them growing up thinking this is normal behavior . That’s way scarier than growing up in 2 homes

I agree 100%


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
S
Steve_ Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 511
Yep. I get it, I do.

I know this whole R is unhealthy, bad, hurting me, setting a bad example for the kids, just wrong. My logical mind understands this. My logical mine is pissed off that I even had to deal with this. But... my emotional side the one attached to the 11 years with her and the thought of a nuclear family just can’t accept it. This is my struggle. I know I don’t seem so but I am a pretty sharp guy, and actually not a weak guy I’m a leader, I’m respected it’s just in matters of the heart that I struggle so hard. Honestly I believe a lot of it has to do with not having a father around, being raised by my mom and her sort of training me on how to love. The feminism of men in this country, TV, movies, etc. in the military I had no issue putting somone down and sleeping at night. But I spent about 3 months with insomnia when my WW left me for OM. All the others were affairs that were short-lived, she never actually left, moved out and took the kids with her until this past one. That has been hard. It’s a feeling of loss, a hit to the ego, name it what you want. I absolutely logically understand this is totally F’d up. It’s my heart that just can’t accept it as what it is. I’m getting there, I went from feeling sad at this loss 24/7 to feeling pissed off im even taking this most of the time. I will reach a point where I’m just totally done. I will get there. Where my mind and heart align and my hope for my imagination of what she could be matches the reality of what she is. But for some reason I just cannot get there yet. I will try harder, I will commit to myself to stop all “feelings” and just deal with it. I do it a little more each day. I will get there. And I know my M is over it’s gone it’s bye bye it’s just accepting it now that’s hard.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Nov 2013
Posts: 2,799
Likes: 13
We’re pulling for you, Steve. You deserve so much better than this.

Keep focusing on your codependency issues and therapy. And keep posting here, I think it will help keep you centered while you deal with all of this.

Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Dec 2017
Posts: 469
Steve, you don't have to not feel. You have to FULLY feel and go through the entire range of emotions and come out the other side. And you will, there is life after this. Trust me. I've been there before. You can look back at my threads and see where I was still emotionally attached and where I thought I needed my ex.

I got a ton of good guidance here and I came out of it a better man. A stronger person. You will too.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Page 2 of 10 1 2 3 4 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard