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#2914277 02/03/21 06:52 PM
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Link to previous thread. https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2912646&page=10

Well, not much movement on the WW front. Everything is stagnant and sort of in "limbo" last thing I heard from WW was "I want to figure myself out, I dont want a relationship with anyone right now, I dont want a divorce either, your a great H and F but in the future, not right now" also "lets stay friends so we keep in touch and you dont fade away from my life, so maybe we can reconnect"

I am just working and trying to make my kids happy. Pretty much whatever comes out of her mouth is nonsense. She is spinnng, she wants to buy a car she cant afford, move into an apartment she cant afford, wants me to be a buddy and do family stuff with no commitment. Im just not digging that. Ive told her what I want, and then left it at that. She has been warming up to me little by little whenever I pull back. Its all part of her game to keep me attached, plan B, dopey mcgee.

I am still not detatched but I am trying. I could be trying harder, doing better. If im honest this is the hardest part for me.
If not totally obvious from my posts here. There is not a single person I confide in that tells me I have done anything other than my best and to just let go. Yet, I just cant seem to let go of this hope that if I just hang in there things will turn around. Here is what I am trying to accept: (Lets say that even if I get better at detatching and she does
"come around" it will be for the kids, for finances, for some stability or what have you, not because she is head over heels for me. I will continue moving on with my life looking over my shoulder and wondering when the next OM will rip her away or her next secret A that she doesnt leave me for is going on. I dont want to live that way, I know I got ZERO reason to stay with her, hold on, try, etc, just plain flat ZERO but I just cant seem to get it though my head. Its been 5 months since BD and her R with OM. (which ended about 2 weeks ago). Honestly thought when that fell through (knew it would) she would come running back to me (I did not detatch when she was with OM, so yeah prob why she didnt come running back to me).

honestly thats probably a good thing, she needs that time to "find herself" and not be forced into an R. The only thing I can do now is accept she needs to do her own thing without me in it, and I need to move on, give up my idea of keeping my M and family together. Day by day I get more hopeless for the M and more accepting of how gone she is. Im not detatched but I am slowly, inch by inch, working my way there.

My mistakes have been telling her "I dont want to be friends, im done" then doing something for her anyways. So I have learned instead of saying what im going to do/not do just....do it or dont. I kept making lines in the sand and not enforcing them. She has friend zoned me and I have let it happen. What I am working on now is doing my best to detach more each day, I cant control my feelings of sadness/etc but I can control how much or little I interact with her and I need to stop being afraid of not being "nice" it doesnt work anyways. Thats my big issue. So I see that and im working on it.

Last edited by Steve_; 02/03/21 06:58 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Blah blah blah I want a plan B.

Pull the plug!!!!

I know it's hard but keep telling yourself every day that you will get through this and you will the smart thing, not the thing you want.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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Steve, what I struggle with is why you are willing to wait for R when she is just out looking for OM #7?

Also, can you add a year to your BD in your signature? It looks like it is 9/1/19, but you joined in March 2019, so that means BD was 9/1/18?

Forget that she is a serial cheater, how long are you willing to wait?

Last edited by Steve85; 02/03/21 07:00 PM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
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Yep believe me I am fighting that more and more. up until two weeks or so ago I was convinced standing for my M and just hanging in there was the right thing to do. Each day I got to sleep and wake up alone thinkng "why the hell am I doing this? Why am I allowing this? how have I become so damn weak.. its pathetic"... I am seeing it just not quite able to make a big solid push away. Ill get there im a bit better than I was.

There is a ton of other women who would be great, that I could be happy with. Im just not to the point of giving up on my M yet, I should be, and I dont know why, logically I get it, its bad, its real bad. But emotionally I cant let go of the "what could have been" even when reality keeps slapping me in the face. I will get there. I hope its soon.

Last edited by Steve_; 02/03/21 07:04 PM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
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Originally Posted by Steve_
BD: 9/1/20


9/1/20? But you joined the boards in March 2019??

Doesn't add up.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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He mentioned a BD on Valentine's Day, 2019. He doesn't talk about that much--

Originally Posted by Steve_
I gave up drinking like that when my marriage fell apart valentines day 2019 and I haven't been drunk since then. It was a big deal to her to stop that, and I did, turned things around we were actually very "happy" until moving away from her family was getting closer, and after staying in the other room for months and playing a stupid pc game most of the day we drifted apart. I was waiting to move away and start over thinking things were good.




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Ah yeah, I joined back when she had a long-distance A with this dude in Boston (we in CA). She went so far as to even fly out to see him and he flew to see her here. She changed her mind of course, proposed marriage to me, said she would never stray again and of course sep 2020 shes out the door once again.

Of course I blamed myself for not giving her enough attention and being too comfrotable with this new found "commitment" she had, getting the new home, all the serious stuff we were doing to "cement" this renewed thing and bam shes gone. Now shes not with anyone back at moms but doesnt want to come back to the M because she doesnt want to hurt me when she isnt for sure its what she wants. (in a way I can respect that).

My plan moving forward is to stop trying to draw this hard line "im done" and not enforcing it, the real plan I am actually doing is this.

Detatch more and more: (I did leave last time I went over there, she said I could stay, left anyways) not much but big for me.
Give her much less attention: Getting better and better but still too attached
Keep IC: I have been, not missing anything
GAL: taking kids out, talking to friends, doing stuff besides thinking of the M

thats the plan slow going but going.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,420
Likes: 53
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Originally Posted by CWarrior
He mentioned a previous BD on Valentine's Day, 2019. He doesn't talk about that much--

Originally Posted by Steve_
I gave up drinking like that when my marriage fell apart valentines day 2019 and I haven't been drunk since then. It was a big deal to her to stop that, and I did, turned things around we were actually very "happy" until moving away from her family was getting closer, and after staying in the other room for months and playing a stupid pc game most of the day we drifted apart. I was waiting to move away and start over thinking things were good.



Okay, Steve I would suggest:

BD1:2/14/2019
BD2:9/1/2020


M(52), W(53),D(17)
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D her!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Originally Posted by Steve_
Everything is stagnant and sort of in "limbo" last thing I heard from WW was "I want to figure myself out, I dont want a relationship with anyone right now, I dont want a divorce either, your a great H and F but in the future, not right now" also "lets stay friends so we keep in touch and you dont fade away from my life, so maybe we can reconnect"


Just curious Steve, does this not infuriate you? Just reading that pisses me off, how insulting of her to even say those words to you.

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