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So its tax time....

I have not even started but STBXH texted about tax documents from broker... I said I had not received anything. THAT WAS IT.

Well it came the very next day --- so I texted "Docs arrived today". He replied OK and I expected that he would request copy but he never did.

SO yesterday I told him we needed to talk later about tax stuff to which he replied 'OK'. I did not push and left it in his court. Very late in the afternoon he texted asking if I could talk. I waited a bit and replied that I was available but knew he might be sleeping so left it to him to call.

He called back - very sleepy. I told him it was not urgent and we could discuss when he is less tired. He said nope, not a problem. Had to discuss how to file taxes - we are legally separated so will be filing separate but this tax document is from a joint account and one of us has to file it. He was in such a rush to liquidate accounts about this time last year and I did not get the account locked down until after he liquidated --- he took a $7k hit on assests. (24% hit). NOW, last year I told him that after the accounts were locked down and he could not clear account.

As I was explaining that we will be able to offset our taxes due to huge loss but not sure how to split it just yet - was researching. As I think there is a limit per person but we should both be able to benefit.

I explained what a hit the account took when he liquidating at the beginning of COVID... he seemed to have completely forgot that he took a 7k loss... acted clueless. ok.

NOW - historically this account has been a point of contention. He feels its "HIS" money and not part of marital property. My atty feels otherwise. Regardless since both of our names are on it I'm equally legally responsible for and while its more capital loss there is still interest to report. I figured he would argue and claim the account 100% given his history about it... NOPE. He said he had completely forgot about the account and filed his taxes just earlier today (wait... I texted YESTERDAY the Docs came???) Anyway in talking about taxes he forgot to report his unemployement. ((I always did the taxes)). I let him know to wait until his taxes were accepted and to file an amendment which was pretty easy to do. Bottom line is he said he forgot and I should take the tax break and file it as he was not going to mess with it.

Business item done.

I tried to get off the phone politely by saying he needed to get some sleep before his shift... But, he wouldn't let me get off the phone??? He kept talking... and talking... and talking... I tried 2 other times to get off the phone. He talked about the kids and actually for once asked about S19. He hasn't really asked about S19 in forever. He went on about what he was watching on Netflix. Sometimes I just sat with the phone sort of off to the side and was petting my cat more than listening to him. Next thing he is talking about his bff that just visited him. Then on to food and raving about me needing to get an air fryer?

I then realized I suffer from Nice Girl Syndrome. OR I'm a people pleaser... because I am NOT getting off this phone... for 2hr.... ((FACEPALM)) I finally said... YOU NEED SLEEP AND I NEED TO GO... and he was like yeah... talk to you later.... What the heck???

In the end he is telling me he still doesn't have an atty. He knows we have a court date 3/11 but I'm not going to be there - I'm letting my atty handle it. He thinks we may have a final decree before then??? Interesting as my atty just got the last financial docs from the accountant this week. Oh well......

Woke up this morning and STBXH was my first thought again... and I was thinking. Maybe pilot is right... maybe I should be hating this man. If I hated him maybe it would be easier... maybe I'm not going through a divorce because I'm trying to keep it peaceful and happy. Why can't I hate this man??? He clearly treated me wrong so many times during our M. I want to hate him but how do you hate a broken person??? How does a broken person hate??? Where is my anger???

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You don't have to hate him. You need to love and respect yourself enough to not get sucked in to his broken world.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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Your anger may come later once everything is signed and dated. You are still going through the stages of grief and at some point, anger may come, but take that anger and put it to good use on something that you need to do around the house, etc. I will say this....anger takes up a lot of your energy and concentration.

Right now, you are still attempting to keep things peaceful and on an even keel and you've had/and continue to have other things on your mind. You are attempting to keep the connection open and still move forward.

The way to get off the phone when he goes on and on is to say, "I have to go I have something I need to do" and then wish him a nice day and hang up. You are not obligated to sit there and listen to all of that stuff.

One step at a time, one day at a time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Business item done.

KC: "Okay, it feels good to get this sorted out. I am really busy and need to get going. Goodbye."

Then hang-up.

If he stalls: "I was wondering about S19...."

KC: "I really need to go! Goodbye."

I am not sure it is NGS. I think it is "OH! HE LIKES ME! HE WANTS TO DISCUSS NON-BUSINESS STUFF WITH ME! YAY!"

Just my observation. I know a lot of people that are difficult to hang up with on a phone call. But when I want off the phone I get off the phone.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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KK,

I think the problem is you think you can nice him back.

Based on your postings it sounds like you were very dismissive and annoyed by him so now you are trying the opposite.

"Oh sweetie you need your sleep".

The problem is that he is in another relationship.

This will keep you spinning for awhile.

Then the trip will come and reality will set in more.

Then the divorce will be done and reality will set in more.

Then the engagement will be announced and reality will set in more.

Then eventually you will have enough and cut him off and he will say "same old KK".

You are playing a game you can't win KK.

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KitCat Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Steve85
Business item done.

KC: "Okay, it feels good to get this sorted out. I am really busy and need to get going. Goodbye."

Then hang-up.

If he stalls: "I was wondering about S19...."

KC: "I really need to go! Goodbye."

I am not sure it is NGS. I think it is "OH! HE LIKES ME! HE WANTS TO DISCUSS NON-BUSINESS STUFF WITH ME! YAY!"

Just my observation. I know a lot of people that are difficult to hang up with on a phone call. But when I want off the phone I get off the phone.


I was not thinking "he likes me"...

As I said at one point I was more interested in petting the cat. He was actually mumbling - most likely due to lying in bed and not having the phone where it needed to be.... I really couldn't understand a word he was saying but I never mentioned it... just sat there while he mumbled things that were incoherent.

I get it.

I'm being way too nice.

If I had to be honest I'd still like to delay the D... I don't know why... he's not coming back. Maybe its just what I feel is the stigma of D... FAILURE maybe???

Doesn't matter. He's moved on. He's just trying to be nice and hoping that I won't be screwing him over.

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So (facepalm) men keep sending flowers to my office... that's keeping the staff talking... and my boss... UGH.

One guy sent flowers twice and I thanked him profusely for such a gesture but he never asked me out again. He had texted me something about being out of my league... blah blah blah but I had never judged him. Frankly we just truly didn't have ANYTHING in common. And, I'm not chasing men anymore... I was the last to contact thinking he would ask me out again. Eh... no worries.

Then another guy sent flowers on Monday. We had only gone out 3 times and its been over 2 weeks since I've seen him due to snow and I was not feeling well last weekend with a stomach bug. So he sent the flowers as an early Vday gift and to tell me to feel better soon. We had plans to eat at this unique restaurant in my town on Saturday.

He texts me to say that its booked on Saturday could we do another day. I just said we could pick a different place for Saturday as I'm not available on Friday. Now truth be told I'm not doing anything on Friday but work has been very busy lately and I like my Friday night down time. I was not eluding that I had other plans AND he knows work has been busy and I often work till 7pm.

Well dinner plans on Saturday turned into a text ... are you dating others??? I know its not my business to ask... WAIT??? WHAT??? Uhm, for starters we have been out 3 times. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks. In a text message no less.

So I stated that I'm not actively dating others but I am still not divorced (he has known this from date 1 and he says not an issue for him) and I'm not looking into anything rushed or pushed.

I proceeded to get dumped via text message... LMAO. He's telling me what an amazing person I am and how he wasn't looking to date during COVID because he was not comfortable in restaurants or bars but I was worth the risk. UHM, HELLO... you were on a dating site (double facepalm). He went on about how comfortable I made him and how great I am. He apologized and wished things were different.

I said "I hear you". "no need to apologize for how you feel".

He kept on texting.....

I did not respond. Peace out...

I'm not upset. I'm not sad. Well... I was looking forward to catching up with him over dinner since we had not seen each other in 2 weeks, but I'll survive.

Guess I've got the whole weekend for down time. Go me!!!

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I’m not 100% sure what I just read but sounds like you still are a bad picker of men.

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KC.

Wayfarer wrote an incredible post to you a week ago.

You completely ignored it and posted about a long conversation you had with your ex about taxes and worried that you were being too nice.

Then you just posted about two other men you have been dating and sending you flowers.

Come on, KC. STOP. LISTEN. PLEASE.

Originally Posted by Wayfarer
You have options here. But first you have to stop doing more of the same. More of the same never serves you.

What I'm reading is just more of the same. It is heartbreaking to me. Truly. Can you please respond to Wayfarer? Or me, for that matter? What is one thing you can do differently, today, either for self care or starting on the path of self work?

It feels like you're bouncing from one extreme to the other. Last week you were freaking out about the idea of being in your home alone. You said the walls were closing in on you and you didn't want to turn into Jack Nicholson. That you'd tried literally every possible at-home GAL option and nothing was working. Now you're looking forward to down time this weekend. Can you help us understand what is going on in your head?


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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KK,

I'm going to be brutal. ( hopefully one day you will realise this is for you and not to be cruel )

You are more than broken... You need serious mental health assistance.

Everything you write is just, well nuts... usually contradicting what you wrote a few posts prior, which leaves the rational people who try to assist you shaking their heads in disbelief.

I read your posts and often wondered what could be your issue... I know various things have been posted about NPD, BPD etc.. I am wondering if you are split personality.

You take too many 2x4s to be NPD IMO.. NPD dont like critacism / being told you are wrong and usually run.. You are still here, reading all the stuff people write (although ignoring it )

The other thought has crossed my is you love the attention.... and update your threads accordingly to get that attention fix from the people who want to help you. Much like millions of people who are addicted to "likes" on social media, you love to see the replies you get from the people who try to help you..

Why would i put this...??

Because frankly, your posts are off the rational scale. Like really out there.I think most people here see that, but just want to help. I dont recall any other female post posting the kind of stuff you do, and all your updates just have that "shock" / "drama" factor.. As in, i dont think i've ever known anybody have the drama you have in there life. Its way out there, not normal and very unhealthy IMO.. Which makes me wonder if this "drama" is real or just your way of getting 15 people peoples attention who try to help you..

The red flag for me was the abuse form the ex hubby - which you mentioned like over 12 months after wanting him back. I find that out there strange, regardless of how you try and justify it.

Other things like the inimate details of going to the pilots house naked.. You really didnt need to go into that much detail on a public forum. We all know what consenting adults get up to.. But you topped it off with the details.. basically a good "shock" factor...Rational people read stuff like this and think WTF ! - seriously !

To put into context..
I want hubby back.. , I dont want IC, I'll start dating.. I'm dating but want hubby back, BTW, although i want hubby back FYI hubby abused me , I'm broken, ex hubby abused me and son, i dont want a divorce, i'm dating, I don't want IC, I'm broken, I want hubby back, i'll stop dating, i dont want IC, i'm dating, I want hubby back, i'm dating, I'm still broken, i'm dating, i'm trying to delay Divorce, i'm dating.

All your updates "scream" attention.. i do wonder if you are actually looking for help - or just the attention fix, as loads of people have tried to help you, yet you ignore that advice and go on to post even more "out there" updates.

If this genuinly is you life you have my sympathies.. But you do yourself no favours... only you can change it.. But its a crazy crazy life you have created.


Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..

Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
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