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Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915179
02/16/21 10:37 PM
02/16/21 10:37 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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So I'm laughing as I write this.

My STBXW and I had agreed that when she got a job she would put her earnings in our joint account. We had an attorney draft a document saying as much; at the time she wasn't working.

So now she's gotten two paychecks and she is putting them in her spending account. So I send money to her account and then she also puts money into her account. But I only get the amount she gets in her spending account. Its a total violation of our agreement. Its like she doesn't know how to read.

I'm talking with my attorney tomorrow. I mean this is just hysterical. I'm speechless.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915181
02/16/21 10:44 PM
02/16/21 10:44 PM
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CWarrior Online
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Hi Scott,

I'm glad you're taking this in stride and pulling in your attorney. You and she are no longer on the same financial team. Your attorney is there to look out for you and ensure you get your due.


May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom!
"We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915209
02/17/21 01:52 PM
02/17/21 01:52 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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I also like the attitude. That you can chuckle is a good thing. Shows me you are starting to truly detach because most LBSs that are overly attached when come here and the rage would come through in their posting.

WWs are the most selfish creatures on the Earth.

Last edited by SteveLW; 02/17/21 01:52 PM.

M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915212
02/17/21 04:26 PM
02/17/21 04:26 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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I mean at this point, the purpose of our relationship is to allow for the best possible parenting outcome for our children. She doesn't seem to understand that at all. With the BS antics she is pulling and her anger, we're not going to be able to have a relationship and we are not going to be able to co-parent at all.

Its really sad.

This is the third time that she has violated an agreement we had in writing and then she either claims that I am violating something or she just decides she is going to do whatever it is she is going to do.

I probably shouldn't be surprised. She violated her wedding vows by leaving and with the affair. And as I've mentioned, twenty years ago when we met she cheated on her then boyfriend, then she told me it was over with him, and I ran into them at a party together.

For the last 4 years of our marriage she kept saying that "we" were pretending or that scott was pretending to be happy. I'm not a pretender. The best way to know her is to watch what she projects onto others. She's a mess.

I just hope my kids get through this. This past weekend we made permanent happy memories, so that was great. I'll continue to work to make more with them.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915214
02/17/21 04:34 PM
02/17/21 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB

I just hope my kids get through this. This past weekend we made permanent happy memories, so that was great. I'll continue to work to make more with them.


They will, no question about it. You just keep doing what you are doing with them. They will remember, wo was there for them...

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915215
02/17/21 04:42 PM
02/17/21 04:42 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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If you go back a few days of posting, I warned you. All of the signs were there of her turning the D proceedings ugly. This is why I wanted you to prepare yourself for that. It happens in most Ds for a variety of reasons (immoral lawyers, bad advice from friends, one disagreement over a minor issue causing one party to begin reneging or disagreeing on things previously agreed on, etc). Your WAW was showing signs of being capable of turning this ugly, and you are already starting to see that playing out.

Her cheating on her BF (I presume with you) was a huge red-flag. If they will cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. (I may have read this before but for some reason it didn't stick with me until you repeated it here.)


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915217
02/17/21 05:17 PM
02/17/21 05:17 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottB
With the BS antics she is pulling and her anger, we're not going to be able to have a relationship and we are not going to be able to co-parent at all.

I am sorry to say Scotty B I tried to warn you that she was not your friend.

You do not have to have a relationship with her to co-parent. Way overblown. School and medical are typically the issues you need to discuss.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: LH19] #2915258
02/18/21 02:10 AM
02/18/21 02:10 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottB
With the BS antics she is pulling and her anger, we're not going to be able to have a relationship and we are not going to be able to co-parent at all.


When co-parent isn't possible, parallel-parent. There is a ton of info on the web about it.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915332
02/18/21 07:23 PM
02/18/21 07:23 PM
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ScottB Offline OP
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Struggling today with the financial aspects of this. Just really hard to review the math and look at what I'm going to owe at the divorce and then on an ongoing basis plus the loan I'll have to take out to buy my business from her and then the payment on that loan. It feels a bit overwhelming and completely unfair, but that doesn't matter. It is what it is. I can't control it so I need to move on.

I coincidently reviewed some notes my STBX had made about our situation that I had read and it really is incredible how what she wrote was almost like a map for me. Her notes on parenting with a narcissist read like instructions on how to deal with her - its just amazing how a lot of it can be applied by me to her. Wild stuff.

Anyhow, I'm in FL, its sunny and hot and I'm going to go play golf right now. One day at a time, focus on what I control and work to make good decisions.

Re: WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont7.) [Re: ScottB] #2915343
02/18/21 08:42 PM
02/18/21 08:42 PM
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SteveLW Offline
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Scott, any chance of selling out the business, splitting it with her (potentially getting a settlement based on that with little or less ongoing support), and then taking your half and building a new business post-D?

I feel for you man, the financial aspect of these things always stink. LBHs get the shaft, and I hate that our system is setup that way. However, you will get through it and at some point down the line be better off, no matter what.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
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