I know you are really struggling right now and it must be difficult watching your stbxw get all dressed up to spend time with om. Where are you in the D process?
I think in your situation setting your w free and seeing if she can sink or swim would be extremely beneficial for you.
I will say that there were times where I lamented my W's absence and worried about her actions. As time passed and I became more detached, my perspective became different.
Her being gone gives you freedom in your home, embrace it. Do what you want, eat what you want, watch what show you want, and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Forget "co-parenting", just be a parent. Drop your expectations.
Detach. GAL. Switch your focus to you and not to your W.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
STBXW talked to D18 for the first time in three days, after she snuck out to went to see OM last night.
Man, I am/was so naive. First all the warning signs were there that she was having and affair. First she was going out in the afternoon only. My buddy asked me does she carry a lot of make up with her? I said yes. He said hotel then a shower to freshen up. D'oh
I then remarked that her underwear never shows up in the laundry, or hanging in the bathroom like previously. He said she gives him to OM as a trophy. W T F.
Meeting with L tomorrow. She wants to file right away, but STBXW is deep in fog. i'll agree to expedite , but want some favorable terms. There are a lot of things I could do to delay process, but really want this over as soon as possible. I also am going to ask L about married filing separate because her finances bookkeeping is a mess.
After thorough reading of the boards, STBX seems to be one of the worst WW without any substance abuse issues. She's just flat out crazy We were in limernce when I first met her, but we were both single. This is a whole other level, like NASA diaper astronaut level, amybe the affiar turns up the heat, but she wants to go legit ASAP.
Lawyers always want to file right away. You need to detach right away. Lawyers are hammers and they need nails, so file when you are ready. Also, I can't remember but you may have some financial reasons to file sooner.
Your W is a marriage counselor?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I definitely found some bad IC's out there when I was looking and this just reaffirms my view, and MWD's, that not all are a good fit. You would think someone in her field would be more apt to do things right but they are just as susceptible as the rest of the population IMO.
Doing is always harder than talking, and that's something we all need to be mindful of.
Nick, have you been getting out of the house and enjoying the FL weather?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
IDK if she's bad. If hear her co workers and clients talk her up. I think Mr BrightSide said in situations like this, people compartmentalize their behavoir from what they know they should be doing. She is certainly not folowing the guidance of any of the psychoterapy books she has on the bookshelf.
Yes I am getting out into the weather. Last week I was in PA with the snow and the cold and I think I liked that better.
Am I detached, no, not completely but more than last month and way more than last fall. I think if she showed me any respect at all I would be less detached. Right now I m pretty disgusted with her behavior. I think I am kind of following the trajectory of JosephS and Joe2017 (without the severity of their situations) where at the beginning you would do anything to get your wife back, and then later you re like no, get lost you disgust me.
Again, I was with her for 27 years before I saw a glimpse of this so it has been extrely difficult. I dont even know wht the public story is. Only a few of my friends know we are getting D and they know why. STBXW has told her freinds about the D but I'm pretty sure she is not talking about OM. From her I got ILYBINILWY and maybe our relationship has run its course (did anyone else get that? I think it will be that we fell out of love, but whenever you say that people roll their eyes and say what does that mean?
And here is a weird observation. Before BD, for years STBXW would have dreams and yell or talk out in her dreams. since BD, not a peep, sleeps like a baby.
Here is an observation from my other BFF who was also a victim of a WW. He alos supervised an office where there was a lot of male/female project teams and a hotbed of infidelity.
1 WW/WH(OM1) begin affair. Its romance for her, and sex for him
2 WW does all kind of sex acts she thought were disgusting previously because she wants to lure/trap WH in and get her claws into him
3 WW pushes for divorce wants more time and attention from WH. WH drags his feet because he has all the benefits and none of the responsibilities of a relationship.
4 WW gets her divorce. WH bails because he doesnt want to lose all his assets. WH reconciles with BW.
5 WW tries to reconcile with BH(plan B). When this happens, BFF told me to be prepared and squash her like a bug. says she hurt you bad, do you want to go thru that again? He said in the one sitch where there was reconciliation, the WW cheated again and the BH was so defeated he just pretended he didnt know.
BFF said he would go to Vegas and bet the house that this is how my sitch is going to turn out. He seemed pretty confident.
Now before I get flamed this is one observation from one guy who only spoke to male coworkers. I have no doubt there are many variations on this theme.
After thorough reading of the boards, STBX seems to be one of the worst WW without any substance abuse issues. She's just flat out crazy We were in limernce when I first met her, but we were both single.
She may not have sustance abuse issues, but you reference her childhood issues on a previous post. I'm not going to day all WW's have had childhood issues / trauma, but there is a theme there. There is enough evidence out there to support that children who grew up with trauma, yern for stability and normality.. as its not what they have ever had.. However, once they get it, its not the norm. They crave the exitement and craxyness they had years before.
I'm also willing to bet, in 2 years time you will look back over the past 27 years and see a lot of things you missed that indicated things werent so amazing. They probably werent bad in your eyes or the eyes of other rational people - all relationships have bad days. However, once your rose coloured glasses fall, you will probably see that your WW was not as rational as your thought.
As for your latest update.. Thats standard..
Stevelv has quoted on muliple occasions about the probablity of the WW wanting back in... i think he quoted 90% of WW regret their actions. But bear in mind, this is years down the line when they hit rock bottom. CWarriors ex sent him a message 10 years later from memory !
Do you want to be a Plan B for 10 years.. Hell no.
Sort your finances, protect yourself and kick her @$$ to the kerb. Then be the best dad you can to your daughters.
WW act on emotion. You will hear people say that a WW often affairs down..
I'm not beginning to believe that WW were never at the same level at a decent person anyway - they never affaired down.. They just had a temporary leave of absense when they got married. - they are from the gutter and once they cheat, are back where they belong.
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
