Recently I learned they divorced 5 months after they married!!! He told my kids to keep that a secret from me, too?!?? I saw them 1 month before their divorce and they seemed happy as clams. All is not as it appears.
Be honest, was part of you happy they got divorced and didn't just ride off into the sunset? Did you enjoy the schadenfreude?
I know I'm not supposed to care at all about what my now ExW is doing, but she started dating OM2 before moving out and filing for D and then moved him in (with my kids) shortly after we separated. They've been together now a year yet we've only been D a month. I see her speeding along with him (as looking back she did with me) and can see an engagement/wedding coming up in the near future, and there's certainly still a big part of me that wants to see it blow up in her face. Not to say I want her back at this point, but if it didn't work out and she needs to start fresh it would feel like we're more on an equal playing field - more "fair" so to speak. Yes, I realize...worry about me not her. Just saying...there's still points of anger where I'd love for things in her world to explode. Doesn't seem fear (seemingly) all is well with her, and us LBSs are left with a broken world.
I feel like your ex getting married and quickly divorced would be a bit of a boost or validation for you as the LBS.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
BL42 - Truth be told I had several different veins of thought on it all.
I was truly heartbroken for my kids who had to live through all that turmoil. I still have a lot of anger towards him for thinking that my kids would accept her and this whole crazy situation. They had a very stable childhood and I just could not believe the dysfunction he introduced. They deserved a better role model.
Compartmentalizing, I found what he did absolutely laughable and I essentially told him so. On one of the rare instances we were texting it came up that I now knew he was divorced. I teased him for how fast he married and divorced her. I told him based on his speed of marrying last time, I was betting he married wife number 3 at the courthouse as he filed from wife number 2. I even asked if he married the clerk who filed his paperwork. I also told him my running theory was that he was already secretly married to court clerk only this time he kept it secret from even his own kids.
But yes, truth be told there is a part of me that feels vindicated. Like you can just walk off, marry someone you barely know, throw in all sorts of variables that complicate things and viola, happiness is yours? Such immature thinking.
He still can’t own it all. Ex told me he was really happy with her. He said my older son was the issue. And ex said it was easy to end it because of that. Of course my older son only had 1 year before leaving for college so what kind of true love is it that it couldn’t outlast 12 months. I know he used my son as his out and is too proud to admit it was all a mistake, not true love.
What a clown he became.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I see her speeding along with him (as looking back she did with me) and can see an engagement/wedding coming up in the near future, and there's certainly still a big part of me that wants to see it blow up in her face.
This is where you have to be careful BL. We say all the time that WS are selfish (which they are). Do you think it is good for your children to have their mom jump from one man to the next? Seems to be the type of woman your ex is right now.
Originally Posted by BL42
Doesn't seem fear (seemingly) all is well with her, and us LBSs are left with a broken world.
Your world is only broken if that is how you view it.
I see her speeding along with him (as looking back she did with me) and can see an engagement/wedding coming up in the near future, and there's certainly still a big part of me that wants to see it blow up in her face.
This is where you have to be careful BL. We say all the time that WS are selfish (which they are). Do you think it is good for your children to have their mom jump from one man to the next? Seems to be the type of woman your ex is right now.
Good point LH. It gets so much more complicated with children. Obviously any anger and thoughts of ill-will I have towards ExW always has to be caveated with what's best for the kids. I don't want them seeing her jump from one to the next, but also have fears at times of OM2 raising them and don't want OM2 to be dancing with my daughter at her wedding instead of me (as I've seen happen before). I think what's more likely is she's rush into this one and it'll be glowing/good for several years but eventually have issues down the road, so speculating here but I see it lasting quite awhile. Anyway, I am doing everything I can to make them my priority and be their rock which is the important thing and all I can do.
Originally Posted by BL42
Doesn't seem fear (seemingly) all is well with her, and us LBSs are left with a broken world.
Originally Posted by LH19
Your world is only broken if that is how you view it.
True. Just saying...think all of LBSs have thoughts/wishes that things don't work out with our Exs and their APs.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I don't want them seeing her jump from one to the next, but also have fears at times of OM2 raising them and don't want OM2 to be dancing with my daughter at her wedding instead of me (as I've seen happen before).
This will only happen if you drop the ball on your end. This to me is more catastrophic thinking on your part.
have fears at times of OM2 raising them and don't want OM2 to be dancing with my daughter at her wedding instead of me
I get the first part of your fear--if your XW married someone who acts like a second father to your D--helps pay for college, is there when she needs her--I could see him being in the father/daughter dance. Your D's life is richer for the wider support network, but your father/daughter dance experience is lesser, and that's bittersweet. What I don't get is your fear of being OUT of the dance. If your D loves you both, she's going to dance with you both. I guess I've never feared being replaced. My XGF's XH has several people he calls mom and one he calls dad. In their case, it wasn't a competition. It doesn't have to be a competition.
My weekend went a little sideways. I had a homicide right when my shift started and then I had to go in today to finish some reports. XH called to make sure I was ok because he heard about the shooting. I told him I was fine, but was actually very busy, so I cut the convo short and went back to work. I didn't feel anything. That was nice.
I was supposed to go out with the ladies tonight but we couldn't pull it all together.
Going to see my grandsons tomorrow and help the eldest beat a level on Sonic the Hedgehog. LOL. I don't play video games as a rule, but I've always been very good at them. My oldest son is 29, and I used to help him beat levels. The circle of life is awesome.
Other than that, I'm going to lay by the pool and soak up some vitamin D. Life is good. Bought some new dresses and shorts for my upcoming trips to see S24 and his new baby, and S19 graduate basic training.
I had a dream that Bud went with me kayaking. Even in my dreams, I'm craving some company. I'll think of something soon. : )
ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19
8/17-BD IHS: 1/17-2/19 D FILED (ME): 7/19 D FINAL: 10/20 M23 T25 OW CONFIRMED: 01/21
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
