I started dating about eight months after BD once I had signed the separation agreement. I wasn’t sure I was ready but I was sure there was no going back and I wanted to move forward. In hindsight, it was exactly what I needed. I think when something like this happens to us, we have this inner fear that no one will be attracted to us or that we “blew” our chance at happiness somehow. I quickly discovered that wasn’t the case and it was the boost I needed to get through those final stages of detachment from my previous life and marriage. Notice that I said my life and not my ex? I realized that I had been alone for years before my XH actually left so it wasn’t so much him that I was detaching from but it was more from the idea of him and the life that I thought we would actually have together. They were just thoughts. ..not the reality. Once I figured that out and accepted it, moving on just came naturally.
This makes so much sense. I have been alone for many years as well, so it is pretty insulting to hear that I need time "on my own".
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I’m sure there were people in my life who thought it was too soon for me to date. My brother even told me he thought I should be alone for a couple years first. That kind of blew me away. But he lives on the other side of the country and didn’t really understand where I was at emotionally. He was just imagining himself in the same situation and telling me what he thought he would need to do if he was me. He’s not me though. And his marriage is not mine. So...I thanked him for his opinion and did what I thought was right for me.
They are not me and their marriage isn't mine. Yes, I'm doing what is right for me.
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
I don’t think there is any harm at all in casually dating someone as long as you are honest with people about where you are at. Re: your friend. Do you need her to introduce you to this guy? Or is there another way you could meet him? I wouldn’t totally give up on the idea if there is a way you could cut her out of the picture.
((((((Deja))))) Thanks. Funny you should say that. I decided to reach out to him on my own. I need my friend to get his number, but honestly, if she says 'no' then we've got other issues.
I've been congested for the past 2 days, but I think it's a cold.
PLEASE don't assume that! I hope it's a cold too, but ANY viral symptoms right now should be considered Covid until proven otherwise. Get a Covid test please. Not too many people are getting colds and flu right now (proof of the effectiveness of masking and social distancing!) so a test is necessary o avoid spreading the virus. Symptoms can be very mild in the beginning for some people.
I've spent the past couple of days face down. Drank cider vinegar and finally feel human today.
Spent the day disinfecting the house and organizing closets. (Thanks for the inspiration, Andrew!)
Was very impressed with my department. Several of the guys reached out via text to offer food delivery etc. My main boss called every day to check on me. With the 2 days off, now I'm heading into a regularly scheduled 3 day weekend.
I'm at a loss with what to do with myself.
I had a fever and thought I had dreamed it, but apparently X FaceTimed and I answered. Have only a foggy recollection of what we talked about but we were on for about an hour.
My S19 (away at uni) told him that I was ill. I'm guessing that's why he called. He is a healthcare professional. He called today and I let it go to voicemail and texted him I was fine and thanks for checking on me "for S19".
I wish Bud would have called, TBH. lol I still haven't met him but I would like to.
Went for a short walk today. It's freezing temps (unusual for where I live). Not ready to run, going to give myself one more day for that.
Looking forward to getting back to work Monday.
Finally switched over the mobile phone account. I am hoping to pick up side jobs soon. My salary won't cover anything over my monthly bills right now.
Aside from sharing all the movies I have watched, that's about all I have.
I am thankful for my new job, co-workers and my warm, safe place to live. Thankful for the friends who showed up with food and vitamins and thankful for this place here where I feel like everyone understands.
Today was interesting. I gave my grandcat a bath. Long story short, we both ended up having a bath and he was super about it. Stocked up on groceries, etc for the week ahead.
We have winter storm warnings here (I live in the south and it's not supposed to get like this!) People tend to freak out when the weather turns, although to be fair, we aren't equipped for snow!
My dad called and offered to drive in so he could take me to work. LOL He's worried about me on icy roads. 1. He's 16 hours away. 2. Once I get to work, I'm in a car for 12 hours...
I love that he offered - and meant it.
It seems that the past 5 years have made my FOO closer. I lost my sister and we all came together for that, and as I started opening up to my mom and dad about the M problems, they really have been so supportive. Same with my brother, although I can't really share much with him because he's the typical big brother and is still uber protective.
Thankful for them and everyone here. We may disagree on some things, but I know that hearts are in the right places.
Going to watch "The Wedding Singer" for Vday. The "Somebody K Me" song alone is worth it!
X called and left VM that he added me on the family plan for music. I had received an email about the same thing. His message stated that he wanted to make sure I got it.
I'm going to sit on that for a day. I appreciate that he might be trying to be nice, but also, I don't feel like we should be family sharing anything but the kids/grandkids.
Thinking of a kind way to say that, or decide, it just doesn't matter and leave it alone.
He has been reaching out almost daily now. I know he misses me, but I'm not there anymore. I don't miss our R. I don't miss him, I'm lonely, but as Dwight Yoakum said "I ain't that lonely, yet".
I think over time, I could be friendly, but not friends.
I have a lot more work to do on figuring out where I am.
I think about things like "If I was dating someone, would this relationship be appropriate?" - and - "How would I feel if the guy I was dating had this R with his X?"
I live in the South too and am SO hoping it’s not as bad as they are predicting. You’re totally right...we’re not equipped for snow. I’m stocked up on groceries and brought extra work home with me in case we’re “in” for awhile. Stay safe!
The Dwight Yoakam song made me laugh out loud. I’m 6 1/2 years out from my D and been remarried for a year and if I were single, I still wouldn’t be that lonely yet.
Me 51, H52 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 7 grandkids
Hope, so glad you're feeling better! Sometimes I wish our forum lived closer, but it sounds like you have a great network of people who care. lol about the mutual bath, and props for the self-awareness about your relationship with your ex.
May'19 - separation. | Dec'19, Oct'20, Jan'21 - painful breakups. | Jan'21 - freedom! "We the ones who play hard, we live hard, we love hard, we light up the dark." -- Kesha