currently reading the NMMNG book and the below fits me like a glove,and i never realised that i was like this?
"The Enmeshing Nice Guy makes his partner his emotional centre. His world revolves around her. She is more important than his work, his friends, his hobbies. He will do whatever it takes to make her happy. He will give her gifts, try to fix her problems, and arrange his schedule to be with her. He will gladly sacrifice his wants and needs to win her love. He will even tolerate her bad moods, rage attacks, and emotional or sexual unavailability — all because he "loves her so much."
i need to learn how to stop being for other people and start being for me without being selfish.
currently reading the NMMNG book and the below fits me like a glove,and i never realised that i was like this?
"The Enmeshing Nice Guy makes his partner his emotional centre. His world revolves around her. She is more important than his work, his friends, his hobbies. He will do whatever it takes to make her happy. He will give her gifts, try to fix her problems, and arrange his schedule to be with her. He will gladly sacrifice his wants and needs to win her love. He will even tolerate her bad moods, rage attacks, and emotional or sexual unavailability — all because he "loves her so much."
i need to learn how to stop being for other people and start being for me without being selfish.
It's a rough realization to deal with. And it is a b*tch to change if you've been that way for a long time. I still find myself doing falling back into that pattern, but at least I can recognize it now and try to catch myself or remind myself not to go backwards. It may not always work, but at least I'm aware of it.
Well the WW is now getting a flat to herself? She has decided to leave her mothers house ? Where she gets waited on hand and foot to come into the world of reality!
She has been there for 7 weeks now? Om is still on the scene as far as I know?
WW getting a flat - NOT your concern. If you had young children, thats a differet scenario - you don't.. Hence unless she expects you to pay for it, its nothing to do with you.
Leaving her mothers - Not your concern
OM still on the scene - Not your concern
You have 2 concerns - Yourself and your Daughter. Thats it. Unless WW starts to cause issues with yourself or your daughter - Not you concern - You cant fix her - You cant save her. Let her go and do her selfish WW stuff - You enjoy life !
Previous username - Helpme123.. A name chosen at a desperate time..
Now Mr Brightside.. coming out of my cage, and doing just fine.
Mark, look at the quotes below from your last two posts.
You just posted:
Quote
"The Enmeshing Nice Guy makes his partner his emotional centre. His world revolves around her. She is more important than his work, his friends, his hobbies.
Then followed with:
Quote
Well the WW is now getting a flat to herself? She has decided to leave her mothers house ? Where she gets waited on hand and foot to come into the world of reality!
Do you see the connection?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's why I am here on the site, for you to guide me and help me get to the place I want to be!
The moment you pointed it out Sandi I can see it. As Saltydog said some days it's easy and other days you slip! Guess I am having a slip day. I need to distance myself and concern myself with my D and me
WW getting a flat - NOT your concern. If you had young children, thats a differet scenario - you don't.. Hence unless she expects you to pay for it, its nothing to do with you.
Leaving her mothers - Not your concern
OM still on the scene - Not your concern
You have 2 concerns - Yourself and your Daughter. Thats it. Unless WW starts to cause issues with yourself or your daughter - Not you concern - You cant fix her - You cant save her. Let her go and do her selfish WW stuff - You enjoy life !
This, exactly. She isn't your woman, so you act accordingly.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, how I find it strange the LBH had rather his W be suffering with MLC......or just about anything other than waywardness. Since most MLCW have an A, why is it so difficult for the LBH to accept his W is wayward? I'm not trying to be a smart-aleck, I just don't get it, other than being an issue with pride. It's easier, I suppose, to blame or pin their W's actions on a "condition" (MLC), whereas, the LBH sees waywardness more personal. Having a wayward wife is like a slap in the H's face. Is that it?
My answer to Sandi's question:
I was hopeful for a second that my wife was having a MLC and was just experiencing a confusing time in her life. Maybe she just needed to go on a beach trip to get some space and figure things out. Then she could come home and we can work on things and fix our marriage with proper counseling.
.......Nah, that beach trip was with her affair partner. AND THEY HAD A LOT OF SEX.
It hurt me to the core to think that my wife just decided to become a cheating ____. It annihilated my pride feeling like I was not good enough for her. It crushed my soul when I found out what kind of douchey guy she chose as her OM. It destroyed my self-esteem knowing that the world was watching and wondering how I failed as a man.
But hey, a midlife crisis? That sounds like a condition that someone can snap out of!
Save yourself. Nobody is coming! BD:11/2017 Filed:12/2017 Final: 2/2018
