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How about a simple no ? You dont owe her an explanation and there is no need for excuses .

You can see how your extremely unhealthy attachment to this extremely Unhealthy woman is detrimental to your kids, right? If you took all the emotional energy you put into that woman or saving the marriage and put that into yourself and your kids, then your kids will have have a fighting chance. If this keeps going on, this will be absolutely detrimental to your children

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I take exceptional care of my kids. They are as minimally affected by this as I an allow with the mistakes Ive made handling it. But Of course there will be a lasting impact.


T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
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Originally Posted by Steve_
I take exceptional care of my kids. They are as minimally affected by this as I an allow with the mistakes Ive made handling it. But Of course there will be a lasting impact.


Why are they not staying with you? Your wife by your own admission is neglecting them, they are to much for your in-laws yet your wife still has them, or your in-laws are watching them even though neither can handle them or is 4 hours away? Money doesn't equal taking care of them just as FYI.

And if you really believe this has a minimal effect on your kids....that's just...sad. Look how it's affected you, and you are an adult and this isn't your mother basically abandoning you.

Oh, and you are allowed mistakes as husband, that's on you, but mistakes as a father...that only affects your kids. But you won't see it that way anyway.

Last edited by JosephS; 01/24/21 01:45 AM.

Me: 37
W: 34
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 17,16,13,12,8
Joined: Mar 2019
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I get my kids 3 days a week she gets them 4. up until a week ago they were staying with her and OM on her days now they are at in laws house (far far better for them). she is only supposed to be working her "new job" the days im off with the kids. Today was an exception since her mother is watching them since im working. But on my days with the kids Sat night- Tues Night I am with them at my place 24 hours.

Legally im good, the kids are taken care of, yes it will seriously effect the relationship they have with their mother and probably the way they see relationships in the future. I get that. But currently the 5 and 7 year old are happy as they could be given the situation. They are disappointed in their mother but I cant control her obviously. I take them to the park, i keep them in school do everything they need

What Im trying to do is get my balls back and let her go. Each day is getting easier with the way she acts. The hard part will be to resist the tug when she pulls my chain again next time, and im sure there will be a next time she wants "daddy" to do something for her while she is off galivanting. That is what im prepping for.

Last edited by Steve_; 01/24/21 02:56 AM.

T:11
M:10
K: D5, S7
BD: 9/1/20
WW continues to break up and recon with OM.
I paid last fees and pushed the D 5/3/2021
Default Dissolution granted 8/5/21.
Glad my D was not busted.
Joined: Mar 2020
Posts: 435
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What shes supposed to do and what she does are 2 different things. If she can not handle the kids, and if its too much for the in-laws can you two work something where you have them more often? I assume they are in some type of school correct? Can you get them when your W is working instead of allowing your in-laws who by your own admission are struggling?

What I think youre having a hard time grasping is this isnt just going to affect the relationship with the kids and their mother. Its going to affect the relationship you have with your kids too. You need to be the anchor to their ship.

And its not as simple as getting your balls back. Its as simple as realizing your worth and what youre willing to accept in terms of how you are treated. Its as simple as realizing your spouse is a lying manipulator that really doesnt think anymore of you than she does the gum on her shoe.

Again stop focusing on her. Focus on you and the kids.


Me: 37
W: 34
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Steve, I highly recommend that document everything your W is doing and noting the date/time. If you end up getting divorced, women like your W can be vicious and go for the throat in court. Protect yourself and your kids.

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Originally Posted by Thornton
Steve, I highly recommend that document everything your W is doing and noting the date/time. If you end up getting divorced, women like your W can be vicious and go for the throat in court. Protect yourself and your kids.

This is very important. Especially now since it sounds like your STBX's new job is a hooker or running drugs...


Me: 38
W:31
Kids: S16(mine from previous R), D10, S9, S4
M: 10 years
T:12 years
BD:Jan 3, 2018
W moved out: Apr 13,2018
Filed for D: Jun 2018
D final: Sep 2019

"Surrender to the Flow"...
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Steve, if you know your Ws job is illegal and you dont report it, you will get your kids taken away from you too.

Watch yourself

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Originally Posted by Thornton
Steve, I highly recommend that document everything your W is doing and noting the date/time. If you end up getting divorced, women like your W can be vicious and go for the throat in court. Protect yourself and your kids.

This was mentioned to you early on and I truly hope you have been doing it!!


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
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Hey Steve, how are you making it?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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