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A Message from Michele
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Great stuff U. I haven't commented to you much but I have read you sitch cover to cover. Your journey has been impressive mate, keep at it, the journey never ends.


Me: 39 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Great update U! You've been actively building a better life and the hard work is showing.


H37, W37
D4, S2
ILYBNILWY 9/19
BD 9/19
EA discovered 10/19
Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
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Sounds like things are going really well for you U!! Thanks for the update. Always nice for people to hear about success stories like yours. Anytime you want to join us over on Surviving, you would be a welcome addition. (((HUGS)))


Me 53
H 48
B/G Twins 13
SD 21
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018

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Settlement complete.

I doubt I'll be continuing my thread. I might lurk and post here or there. You guys are partially responsible for me pulling my life together and getting through this, and I wanted to say a genuine thank you. Many of the people who helped me through this aren't active anymore. IronWill, AlisonUK, may22... LH, I know you are still here and I always appreciated your 2x4 smacks to my forehead even when I disagreed with them.

I have my kids half-time, I have a reasonable financial settlement, I have a future I am excited about.

I haven't posted much about the settlement process. It has gone months on end. When it came down to it, I drew a line in the sand and didn't flinch. STBXW said, "I know you are willing to go to court and waste more money rather than give me a little more" and I said "Good." I had enough. I was respectful but I had my limits and I made them clear. STBXW let me know that I ruined her life, none of this is fair, etc. And then she signed. All this unnecessary damage in the wake of the last 2 years, things I haven't posted about... and we're done with this process.

These situations are brutal and often heart-breaking and I wish you all the best.

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U,

I’m so glad it is finally over for you and you can maybe get some peace. You came to this board an extremely anxious and broken man. You have come along way my friend! You have one of the worst WWs I can remember. Not from a wayward side but a human being side. I know you did your best to make her happy and yet you “ruined her life”. The resentment will burn over time. I see no reconciliation here and I am quite sure you have zero interest in it anyway.

I suspect you are like me and will always be a little tainted due to the breakup of your family. The taint fades and the new normal sets in. You jumped into a relationship pretty quick but I won’t ding you for it because I know you put the work in to get your head straight. Just be willing to walk away from anything that is not working for you.

Lastly, I’ll always remember that guy who use to pop on from time to time and tell you exactly what your ExW was going to do. He was spot on with his predictions. Guess it shows there are defined patterns for certain WS.

Take care and hopefully this provokes IW to come on and give us an update.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
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Glad things have worked out as well as possible U. Would you say having gone through all this and working on yourself that you are grateful that it happened (even though it sucked)?


Me: 39 W:41
T: 14 M: 11
S: 5

BD & OM Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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Hi U -

I don't post much here anymore either but I drop by from time to time. TBH the events of 2-3 years ago feel like they happened to some other person. I'm not that guy anymore.

I think there is some irony inherent, once you fully reach acceptance and drop the rope, regardless of outcome, it just becomes life. My sit has calmed immensely. I don't feel like talking much about it anymore either, it is what the vets used to call a cheeseless tunnel. I don't know what the future holds either but that's alright, in life we never do.

I am very glad things have settled for you. It is not an easy task, but I think from what i read here both you and I are working at it and succeeding. I wish you well, my friend. Drop a line once in a while if you can smile

Stay strong smile

P.s. lol@ LH! Not much to report, my friend. If things change I will pop in to drop a line. Hope you are well also smile

Last edited by IronWill; 06/19/21 08:46 PM.
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Originally Posted by LH19
U,


Lastly, I’ll always remember that guy who use to pop on from time to time and tell you exactly what your ExW was going to do. He was spot on with his predictions. Guess it shows there are defined patterns for certain WS.



smile Want to know what's next U?

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Originally Posted by LH19
I suspect you are like me and will always be a little tainted due to the breakup of your family. The taint fades and the new normal sets in.
There's a certain amount of weight to everything, yes.

To your other comment, I would never R with my STBX. I can't even remember what I've shared here since I filed last March. I know I scaled back a lot on my postings. She truly burned it all to the ground and I will leave it at that. glhf had it right.

Originally Posted by OnlyBent
Glad things have worked out as well as possible U. Would you say having gone through all this and working on yourself that you are grateful that it happened (even though it sucked)?

Yes I am grateful OB. I imagine this is a common feeling around here. It's kind of a paradox -- a brutal process, but one that has left me happier.

Originally Posted by IronWill
I think there is some irony inherent, once you fully reach acceptance and drop the rope, regardless of outcome, it just becomes life. My sit has calmed immensely. I don't feel like talking much about it anymore either, it is what the vets used to call a cheeseless tunnel. I don't know what the future holds either but that's alright, in life we never do.
Really great to hear from you IW! I know what you mean about things just being what they are. I have so much to say and nothing to say at the same time. I'm glad things have calmed for you.

Originally Posted by glhf
Want to know what's next U?

What's next?! I want to know! (or maybe I don't....)

I went back and re-read your posts and, yeah, they were pretty much spot on. You posted right at the time I became fed up and hired a L. This process *was* hyper expensive. But we developed and executed a legal strategy that worked and, given the range of possible outcomes, I am happy. I worked my tail off, kept it business-like, and we got things done. I'll survive financially (fortunately) and I have my kids half-time.

I'm expecting in the future that my STBX will not make things easy. I told my L I'll keep her on speed-dial.

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Congratulations on reaching a settlement. Hopefully this will let you move on and look forward to new goals. You have come a long way. When you first came to the board you were a classic example of how trying to nice your wife back does not work. I remember you had so little time with your kids that I had once even suggested you at least ask your WW for a dinner with the kids during the long gap between their time with you. It is only fitting that your final settlement happened with you doing a 180 drawing a line in the sand and refusing to cave in.

I have a feeling that now that the settlement is done, your interactions with WW will be a lot more pleasant. Good luck!!

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