A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


Save your marriage singlehandedly
with Divorce Busting Telephone Coaching
SPECIAL MARCH OFFER -- SAVE $40
THREE DIVORCE BUSTING TELEPHONE COACHING SESSION FOR ONLY $350
CALL 303-444-7004 and mention this offer
or use code: SAVE_$40 in the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: Joe2017] #2912982
01/19/21 10:51 AM
01/19/21 10:51 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
O
OnlyBent Offline OP
Member
OnlyBent  Offline OP
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Joe2017
Stop trying to control everyone. Control yourself and be a lighthouse for everyone else.


I will tattoo this on my forehead and look in the mirror regularly, thanks Joe2017.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: BL42] #2913008
01/19/21 06:00 PM
01/19/21 06:00 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
How are you doing? Sure would like to hear from you.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913024
01/19/21 11:03 PM
01/19/21 11:03 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
O
OnlyBent Offline OP
Member
OnlyBent  Offline OP
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
Hey Sandi, good to hear from you.

I am doing ok, whilst I still feel quite sad at end of my MR, I am getting better. I went to footy training last night and no longer had the visceral sick/anxious/weird feeling that I had when I was going in the thick of my sitch last June/July. Progress...

My STBXW seems in control and normal. She has done some pretty hurtful things to me and is completely entrenched in some kind of R with OM. D in August is a certainty. She is not in a fog or anything of the like, she is just done and wants out. Back in Feb last year she asked me to promise me that no matter what, nobody or nothing would ever come between the three of us a family. Fast forward 4-5 months and she is sleeping with someone else, lying about it and has moved out. About a month ago she got a tattoo of two butterflies which she says represents her and S4. I mourn for the loss of my family life more than anything.

I listened to a podcast last night with Peter Crone (LH's suggestion IIRC) and he is an amazing guuy. Two things he said really stuck out, "He has an intimate relationship with reality" and "Everything that happens was always going to happen...because it did happen". I definitely recommend listening to this guy to help with acceptance and surrendering to what is.

For me, external to all this, life is going pretty well. My best friends have stood by me and been an amazing support. I am in great shap physically and learning and improving so much about myself emotionally. I love my job and just found out today that I got a promotion. Most importantly, my S4 and I are closer than ever and filling our time with joy and happiness.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913027
01/19/21 11:53 PM
01/19/21 11:53 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,139
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,139
Bent,

He also say that that life will present you with people and circumstances to show you where you are not free. You lost yourself in your marriage and you are slowly finding yourself again. It’s ok to miss the family structure. I do too sometimes. But I also like my freedom. The choice to be with someone who wants to be with you.

I know you were talking earlier about not lying on your D forms. Just get it done so you can move forward.

You’re growing. I can see it in your posts.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: LH19] #2913031
01/20/21 12:25 AM
01/20/21 12:25 AM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
O
OnlyBent Offline OP
Member
OnlyBent  Offline OP
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by LH19
He also say that that life will present you with people and circumstances to show you where you are not free.


That's right, I almost forgot that, its really insightful. He says what a gift it is to be shown the areas in your life that need working on...for free!

Originally Posted by LH19
I know you were talking earlier about not lying on your D forms. Just get it done so you can move forward.


I see your point here, but the lying could damage my position in regards to the financial settlement, so unfortunately that's not an option unless we come to an agreement before August.

Originally Posted by LH19
You’re growing. I can see it in your posts.


Thanks, appreciate the encouragement.


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913252
01/22/21 09:36 PM
01/22/21 09:36 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
O
OnlyBent Offline OP
Member
OnlyBent  Offline OP
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
My STBXW wants to meet up next week to discuss the splitting of our finances. This is a good thing because I feel like she is steering towards a 50/50 split and keeping the finances away from the Ls.

The only days she has suggested to meet next week are days that she will have S4 in her care (but at daycare). When I say I am busy those days and suggest days that she doesn't have S4 (and thus will be staying at OM's house) she keeps saying she is busy. She is giving the excuse that it is her work's EOFY so she is busy all week, but conveniently not busy on the days she has suggested.

I'll be honest, it p!sses me off that it is always when it suits her. Am I being petty? Should I just agree to her suggested days if I'm genuinely available?


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913254
01/22/21 09:43 PM
01/22/21 09:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,139
L
LH19 Offline
Member
LH19  Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 6,139
Yes.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913256
01/22/21 09:58 PM
01/22/21 09:58 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
S
sandi2 Offline
Member
sandi2  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,638
Yes.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913265
01/22/21 10:54 PM
01/22/21 10:54 PM
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
O
OnlyBent Offline OP
Member
OnlyBent  Offline OP
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 306
The tribe has spoken, in the way that deep down I knew is the right way, its just a matter of getting myself there.

Next question, advice on how one should deal with one of my BFs and his W who are still friendly and in contact with STBXW, had her over to their house a few weeks ago?


Me: 38 W:40
T: 14 M: 11
S: 4
BD1: IHS Nov 2019
BD2: ILYBNILWY Jun 2020
OM since Jun 2020
W moves out Aug 2020

"If you don't create a beautiful future, your brain will do one for you and it's not good"
Re: OB Accepting and Moving Forward [Re: OnlyBent] #2913267
01/22/21 11:04 PM
01/22/21 11:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
C
CWarrior Offline
Member
CWarrior  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 2,250
Hi OnlyBent, my GF and I had a friend in common after BD. We each continued to spend time with that friend separately. We limited conversation about one another with that friend. I remember the friend in common said we were their two most adventurous friends and they valued knowing each of us.

(What do you mean "deal with" this friend?? Ask them to pick sides?!)


May'19 - Separation... Dec'19 - Breakup #1... Oct'20 - Breakup #2.... Jan'21 - Breakup #3
"We are never, ever, ever getting back together." -- T.Swift
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004