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97Hope Offline OP
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Pretty low-key day today.

Took care of some more admin work. Removed X from toll tag account. Sent him a brief text to give him a head's up. Didn't really want to because of him dropping me from insurance without notice, and also because I like to be petty betty. But I'm trying to go high whenever I am able. : )
He made it more complicated than it needed to be but I anticipated that - just sent the same statement in 2 different ways and then ignored the rest of his comments (mostly emojis. no idea.)

Signed up for my own Netflix account. Yes, I was still skeeving off of X's.

Last item of business will be separating the cell phones. I'll wait for that until final decree.

That should be the last thing I need to do to square it all away.

I did see where his assistant is following me on tiktok. Whatever. Follow away. I quit every other SM site because it was just too much. So many people that worked for or with him were on my FB and I didn't know who knew what. Also - my kids posted a family portrait 2 weeks after I moved out so that wasn't awesome.

GS1 is home from school so I will be spending the day with him tomorrow while my s27 goes to class. Looking forward to that.

Feel a little stagnant in this last week before work. Ready to work! Throw me in, coach!

In other news - looks like I'll meet the new guy in March - timing seems good. Friend is going to have a bbq and invite a couple of people. Sounds perfect to me. I've decided I'm calling him "Buuuuud" (like Rudy Huxtable's friend from the Cosby Show).

Hope everyone is finding the joy in today!
x


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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97Hope Offline OP
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Having dreams every time I fall asleep. Wondering if it's an emo dump - or I need to process more.


I've been having recurring dreams for the past year or so - I'm always at X's house (it's not the ranch). He has a new family - I've only seen them one time.

One dream we were at security at an airport and he and OW and kids were all decked out in ski gear. (Not THE ow just knew it was an OW with 3 older kids). This was before I had proof of actual OW and her two young sons.

Then dream transitioned to his house and I was helping him find a corkscrew.

Several weeks later - I was at his new - very modern house, very beautiful - fancy even - and i remember thinking how nice his new house was. He was having a dinner party and I didn't even know why I was there. I was noticing that it wasn't his "style".

Last night - had 3 dreams.

We were at a resort and were saying goodbye. He was fine with it all but I was shattered. As we were walking through I was talking out loud about memories we shared there and how I couldn't imagine never returning again as a couple.

In each dream - he is ok with everything and I am falling apart. (It's actually the opposite IRL. He breaks down crying a lot)

Was in his house (they are all different) - we were moving out - separating our things, and his entire family was there, but our boys were still little and we had not told them. I had to tell them - and I had them all gathered on a couch - I had a daughter who wore glasses - and when I told her I was sobbing , almost could not speak. (I do not have a daughter). This little girls face was so precious and right before I told her I woke up. She was also a different race than I am. But she was definitely MY daughter.

Next time I fell back asleep - I was outside and his dad and gpa were out there (gpa passed away 10 years ago) and when I looked over at him, he was very concerned about me and held his arms out for me to run into.

Each time I wake up and I was just bawling in my dream, but it passes as soon as I wake up.

Just purging this out to think about later and wondering if something will click as I process it all.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 569
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97Hope Offline OP
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Judge signed the decree!!!!!!! X's L didn't have time to object so we got it as I wanted it!!!!!


My L is filing a motion for retrial (we won't actually have a trial) but X lied under oath, owes me $$, and failed to disclose a few things. He said that I shouldn't have to appear - this should all be just between judge and L's. I'm cautiously optimistic.

If I don't get another dime, I came out better than the wimpy offer X gave me back in 2019. I sure wish I knew someone locally to go have dinner with and celebrate, since I don't - y'all raise a glass to my new life with me, please!

I did NOT think I would be here 3 1/2 years ago. But I am stronger, have a great career ahead of me and God has been faithful.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Congrats Hope!

Reading your post made me smile and I'm so happy things worked out in your favor.

On to the next chapter! Cheers!

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Congratulations Hope! I'm so pleased for you. You're processing everything in a very healthy way and moving forward with a clean break. Kind of amazing considering you were still sleeping with the man in November! It may be 9am here in Australia, but I'm raising a glass to you smile


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Hi Hope,

So excited for you! I've been following your sitch ("Slutty McSluttyPants!!). I'm having a glass of reserve zinfandel to celebrate other things tonight. I will have a sip in your honor.

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Congrats, Hope!! Lots of great things to celebrate today!! I'm so happy for you!!
xx M


Me (46) H (42)
M:14 T:18, D9 & D11
4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs
9/20 - present: R and piecing
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97Hope Offline OP
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Thanks, Thornton, Scout, Warrior & May!!! You guys are the best in the west! <3

------------------------------

My attorney laughed at the letter and replied, "Sluttypants, Indeed!" Made me chuckle.

Well, I don't feel any different and I had a weird dream about showing up to my first day of duty and I was wearing brown open-toe chonklas and gray sweat pants. Yikes! lol (Alexa - remind me to wear proper pants on Monday!)

Had a text from X this morning:


"If you don’t have specific plans, I can pick up boys from school. Also, you got what appears to be a check from the XXX. If you give me your address, I can mail or I can have S19 bring it to you. Would prolly be around the same time. Just let me know."


No thank you. I will pick them up. Do you mind leaving letter in your mailbox and I'll grab it from there?

Sure. Should be able to.

Heaven forbid a yes/no answer. Let your yes be your yes! (Should I respond with that? I'm tempted!) Feels like a should opens up more discussion later. Trying to avoid that on my end.

His mailbox is on the way to the school. I will drive right by it, and S19 is out of town, and I don't really want to give my address. (I think it's a control thing for me).

S27 called and said that X has asked him about picking up the boys and S27 told him he would ask me, but X was insistent "No, no, I'll call mom." S27 asked what the word is for people who don't pick up on social cues.

Looking for a plan going forward that will help me grow and continue to detach and that will be the best for my entire family (within reason!) but you guys have been doing this for a lot longer.

Going forward, I think it would be best for me to plan through my kids, and leave X completely out of it. If he wants to see the grands, he can work it out with them. So I told S27 that and he agreed. I can't have this convo with X because it's pointless and will lead to a long drawn-out 'thing'.

I realize that some/most of you are dealing with Xs that are horrible. Mine is always "too nice" wants to be BFF's so I understand that this seems small. I realize it and at the same time, would love advice. As much as I get to a place of detachment - I'm not fully there. But progress is progress!


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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Originally Posted by 97Hope
Heaven forbid a yes/no answer. Let your yes be your yes! (Should I respond with that? I'm tempted!) Feels like a should opens up more discussion later. Trying to avoid that on my end.

Sounds like control Hope. Just ignore.
Originally Posted by 97Hope
His mailbox is on the way to the school. I will drive right by it, and S19 is out of town, and I don't really want to give my address. (I think it's a control thing for me).

Hmmmmmmm. A theme?
Originally Posted by 97Hope
Looking for a plan going forward that will help me grow and continue to detach and that will be the best for my entire family (within reason!) but you guys have been doing this for a lot longer.

So this is where it gets a little confusing. Just the other day you told him you loved him baby but not his hat (lol Your words). Do you see why he could be confused and think your buddies?
Originally Posted by 97Hope
Going forward, I think it would be best for me to plan through my kids, and leave X completely out of it. If he wants to see the grands, he can work it out with them. So I told S27 that and he agreed. I can't have this convo with X because it's pointless and will lead to a long drawn-out 'thing'.

He will eventually get the hint.

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97Hope Offline OP
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Originally Posted by LH19

So this is where it gets a little confusing. Just the other day you told him you loved him baby but not his hat (lol Your words). Do you see why he could be confused and think your buddies?


Yes!!! You see what I do!?? I'm a mess and 1/2! I realize that I do this.

I know this and I do these things and I want to work on this.

Here's the thing - I think based on past behaviors

1. I confuse the heck out of him because I respond based on where I am.
2. He wants to be BFF's and I just want to be decent to each other. Cordial. Friendly not friends.

If I'm even a 'little' nice to him - he flies over and jumps in my lap.

Until I'm totally detached, I don't know how to do this. Ugh.


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
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