Nothing major going on here... just a lot of dumb moves on my part.
The court date is just to update the judge on our progress. I do not have to be there as my atty will take care of. STBXH doesn't have to be there... but I let him know everything I know and let him make the decision for himself on whether he wants to be there - he's got all the info. I was blunt and said I was not going to be there and he was free to make whatever decision he wanted and I dropped the discussion.
I can't even remember where I left off? My H called me over a week ago in a panic that puppy was bleeding EVERYWHERE. Pup got off his e-collar and chewed the bandage so badly that he chewed off the end of his tail.
So I met him at my office on my day off to take the puppy to set up for surgery the next day. While my H was there his mother called me on the phone. I was actually meeting her for lunch in a couple of hours with S19 on way to take S19 back to college. Turns out last minute my SD19 would be joining us and I needed to pick her up. I had not seen her in over a year.
H was trying to figure out the convo by just listening to me talking... but I did let him know I would be seeing his D19 in a couple of hours. I took the puppy in and set him up overnight. Told H I would keep him posted about progress with surgery and such. H was sad and asked if I saw D19 and she allowed could I take a picture for him. She refuses to have anything to do with him. I said sure and turned and walked away to take care of puppy.
Had an amazing lunch with MIL, SD19 and S19. S19 had missed her so very much. They were so close for years and seeing them back it was like "wonder twins" again. MIL was great.
So left lunch and STBXH is texting up a storm - how he misses puppy, can't sleep, asking me about if I still have X insurance (I reminded him he split up the insurance accts last spring so WHT?), then asked how lunch was... I just texted back "lunch was amazing" and did not say another word.
True to myself I sent pics of puppy during all stages of the tail amputation surgery.
I kept puppy 2 days because he needed more care than STXH could provide working 12's. I told him as such that puppy needed more care... was he living alone? He insists he was living alone but could come home on his shifts or have a friend stop by as needed for him. I of course told him I did not believe him... and I called BS on his solo trip to Kono (which he continued to tell stories that he is going alone - whatever, I know different but calling you a liar doesn't change anything for me so letting it go...)
He came to get puppy on Saturday and he took me to lunch first. It was weird because he did not bring up anything about the D. He continued a story to try to convince me he is going to Kona solo... just ignored. We talked about the kids mostly... SS21 has some legal issues and we are both concerned. Lunch was pleasant - like two old friends.
I'm coming to grips with there were two sides to my STBXH. My mom will sit and tell you all the great things they appreciated that STBXH did for them but then will talk about how he did not treat me well and they could always see that. My STBXH would go out and chop wood, haul things, mow the farm property when my mother's husband was post surgery and could not. I'm trying to reconcile the person who could do some amazing things with the man who was angry, cruel and abusive... I also see a man who is trying to make amends for things (not with me... I'm not a priority to him, but with his kids.)
Since the puppy has gone home he has spent a couple of days randomly texting me for a couple of hours... its hard not getting sucked into those conversations because they always start about the puppy and progress to other non-important things.
It stupidly joined match.com... AND, out of hundreds of profiles on match who's do you think popped up first??? Yup... pilots... UGH. I panicked having just joined a few minutes earlier and in trying to get rid of his profile I inadvertently liked his profile... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.... and there is NO WAY to unlike. Of all the rotten luck. So, yeah... I'm certain he feels I'm stalking him.... GOOD GRAVY WTH.
No contact with pilot. NC for 8 days now....
I spend last Wednesday doing shopping to update the guest bathroom and my bathroom... just to change the space and keep myself busy. Shopped at my favorite hole in the wall bath store and bought lots of pampering items.
I'm dating... I know against medical advice here....
I've got 4 dates lined up next week.
One guy from last week sent some big long text about how I'm soooo out of his league but then sent me amazing flowers anyway???
Soooo nothing much has changed. I'm still a trainwreck but I'm out living my life and trying to come to terms with how things are these days.
I'm dating... I know against medical advice here....
I've got 4 dates lined up next week.
I'm still a trainwreck but I'm out living my life and trying to come to terms with how things are these days.
And sadly, THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is very commonly what is found online dating (OLD). This is more often than not the norm - people who have no business dating, are not at all ready to date, and sometimes by their own admission, are a train wreck. I’ve said it before here, buyer beware, this is often what you will find OLD - the land of misfit toys. Sign me up for some of that... NOT.
Kit cat, I’d offer suggestions and some advice but clearly you’re just going to continue to do what you want regardless of the advice you receive or the detriment to yourself. So I can only wish you the best. For everyone else, the next time you’re about to get OLD remember all of the stories you’ve read here. Of course if you just want to hook up once or twice, it may all work out for you. Or you might be one of the 10% who actually find a LTR as they do happen as someone does win the lottery or raffle or football pool. The rest of us just fund it.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
I'm dating... I know against medical advice here....
I've got 4 dates lined up next week.
I'm still a trainwreck but I'm out living my life and trying to come to terms with how things are these days.
And sadly, THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is very commonly what is found online dating (OLD). This is more often than not the norm - people who have no business dating, are not at all ready to date, and sometimes by their own admission, are a train wreck. I’ve said it before here, buyer beware, this is often what you will find OLD - the land of misfit toys. Sign me up for some of that... NOT.
Kit cat, I’d offer suggestions and some advice but clearly you’re just going to continue to do what you want regardless of the advice you receive or the detriment to yourself. So I can only wish you the best. For everyone else, the next time you’re about to get OLD remember all of the stories you’ve read here. Of course if you just want to hook up once or twice, it may all work out for you. Or you might be one of the 10% who actually find a LTR as they do happen as someone does win the lottery or raffle or football pool. The rest of us just fund it.
But I will own my crap that I need to work on --- and I am getting there.
I refuse to hide from my past.
I love every part of me... I love the part that stays late, comes in on my day off, gets up at 1am to look after my patients, I love that I'm creative and self sufficient, I love that I will drop everything for a true friend and vice versa, I love my quirky hobbies, I love how I'm always thinking about doing things for others, I love that I can accept my broken parts with the parts that are still exploring and finding meaning in this world. I love being up before the sun and walking through the woods alone in the dark to find that first ray of light as I hit the water's edge... I love how I refuse to the cover the windows so I can lay in bed and see the full moon reflecting from the blanket of snow.
As a woman who has done her work, it’s true a train wreck and would make a healthy partner, I speak from DOn’s side too. And it is unfortunately for us who have done our work, aren’t self Admitted train wrecks who encounter these people in OLD. I am ready for a healthy relationship and the make version of you is what I unknowingly end up with sometimes and quite honestly it stinks .
KK you have a complete cognitive dissonance. You’ll admit you are a train wreck, have issues, but do nothing to help Yourself. You think just because you admit it, you are doing something about it. Then you talk about how much you love yourself, yet you treat yourself pretty poorly.
I do know my words fall on deaf ears. You’ll continue to date to self soothe and ignore your problems. You’ll recognize you are not in a healthy place, yet do nothing about it . You’ll continue to “accidentally” send texts, or like someone or send a bill showing where you are going or whatever these “accidental” cries for attention are.
I hope one day you decide to actually do something healthy about what has happened and where you are going on life
As a woman who has done her work, it’s true a train wreck and would make a healthy partner, I speak from DOn’s side too. And it is unfortunately for us who have done our work, aren’t self Admitted train wrecks who encounter these people in OLD. I am ready for a healthy relationship and the make version of you is what I unknowingly end up with sometimes and quite honestly it stinks .
KK you have a complete cognitive dissonance. You’ll admit you are a train wreck, have issues, but do nothing to help Yourself. You think just because you admit it, you are doing something about it. Then you talk about how much you love yourself, yet you treat yourself pretty poorly.
I do know my words fall on deaf ears. You’ll continue to date to self soothe and ignore your problems. You’ll recognize you are not in a healthy place, yet do nothing about it . You’ll continue to “accidentally” send texts, or like someone or send a bill showing where you are going or whatever these “accidental” cries for attention are.
I hope one day you decide to actually do something healthy about what has happened and where you are going on life
I hear you.
I'm sorry to hear about the men you are dating. I'm not disguising who I am OR what I'm going through. I would NEVER want to mislead anyone. I truly got my feelings hurt by pilot and I would never want to inflict that on someone else. I value honesty above all else and always give it first since I expect it of others.
Sure, I've run into men who are married who state their wifes are fine with side dishes and those who's wifes don't know. I'm not everyone's cup of tea or vice versa but I don't hide behind anything or misrepresent myself. Every guy that goes out with me knows my starting point.
See, you say you were hurt by the pilot. But you were actually hurt by yourself. He was not comfortable with the situation and he decided to exit. Time went on and the unresolved issues you had became evident to him and he didn’t want to be a part of that. I don’t blame him. He isn’t hurting you. You are putting yourself in positions to hurt yourself
See, you say you were hurt by the pilot. But you were actually hurt by yourself. He was not comfortable with the situation and he decided to exit. Time went on and the unresolved issues you had became evident to him and he didn’t want to be a part of that. I don’t blame him. He isn’t hurting you. You are putting yourself in positions to hurt yourself
Point taken.
I got hurt by that whole situation.
And, we all put ourselves in situations everyday where we risk getting hurt. Its called being vulnerable.
Kit - You aren't going to find a good guy until you deal with your stuff. First it was your ex, then pilot, then you will get hurt by a another guy, and another. You will come here and post asking how you can lock another guy down. Rinse wash repeat.
You will continue down this path until you can respect that the Universe is trying to teach you something (and it's not how to date).
