So I still don’t think you understand what FWBs actually means so let’s just leave at that. You are not a FWB kind of girl.
When you date there will be people that like you and people that don’t. If you can’t understand and handle that you probably shouldn’t be dating.
I'm not... NEVER have been.
I was trying to be "cool" in this new dating world that seems to have changed a lot since I was last in it--- Tinder did NOT exist last time I was in the dating pool. While I was NOT looking to get attached but rather date a LOT, I got attached.
I had multiple first dates, a couple of second dates... while I enjoyed the dates and getting to know the person it didn't bother me it didn't go further. One guy and I hit it off so well that he was asking for a second date before the first one wrapped up. I was totally open to it but I was leaving town in 2 days. There was light contact and he initiated texts but it just didn't go to asking for a second date. So I just let him off the hook by saying I was looking forward to meeting up again but we've seemed to lost momentum and I wished him well. Turned out he reconnected with someone from high school. I totally wished him the best and meant it.
So don't think that pilot is the first one to reject me or that I can't handle being rejected... I just was WAY more emotionally invested that I planned on being.
I see the point of not dating.
I've got multiple men all asking me out and for second and third dates. Frankly, I'm exhausted.
Several people told you dating was a bad idea. Especially, as only posts before you were still hung up on your husband.
You brushed it off as a bit of fun / letting your hair down and harmless..
Dating is not harmless when you have attachment issues. Look at the outcome of what was just a few dates with a guy.. You can't get over it and its actually set you back.
Wolfman is a great example of why not to date broken. You followed in his footsteps - different outcome, but same principle.. It wasnt a positive or happy ending.
Please speak to a specialist. A lot of people here are posting the same thing day in day out, but until you make the steps needed, you will go full circle continually.
I'm working on it. I'm going to lose my health insurance with D so I've got to make that a priority and look into options and when I can be covered with new insurance.
I'm just as likely to get my heart broke 2yr after D or 2yr after therapy. Life does not have guarantees.
I haven't slept much this week so I know I'm not making good choices.
I came home last night to notice of court date in early March. I'm not even sure why we need a court date? STBXH does not have atty and my atty said nothing about needing to schedule a court date. I called STBXH last night when he was at work and told him about the court date (he stated he got notice too). I was said I'm being honest in that I don't know what its about. Told him I would check in with atty and let him know. We both agreed we don't want the court date. If we can get through this without creating more hate or bitterness it would be a win.
I was trying to be "cool" in this new dating world that seems to have changed a lot since I was last in it--- Tinder did NOT exist last time I was in the dating pool. While I was NOT looking to get attached but rather date a LOT, I got attached.
You have to try not to be attached yo a specific outcome early on. Also, definitely do not go bunny boiler on them when they back away. You have to take the attitude that it is their loss.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I had multiple first dates, a couple of second dates... while I enjoyed the dates and getting to know the person it didn't bother me it go further.
This is exactly how dating should be for you right now.
Originally Posted by KitCat
One guy and I hit it off so well that he was asking for a second date before the first one wrapped up. I was totally open to it but I was leaving town in 2 days. There was light contact and he initiated texts but it just didn't go to asking for a second date. So I just let him off the hook by saying I was looking forward to meeting up again but we've seemed to lost momentum and I wished him well. Turned out he reconnected with someone from high school. I totally wished him the best and meant it.
This is what is known as the slow fade. You handled it well though.
Originally Posted by KitCat
So don't think that pilot is the first one to reject me or that I can't handle being rejected... I just was WAY more emotionally invested that I planned on being.
This is the broken part of you.
Originally Posted by KitCat
I've got multiple men all asking me out and for second and third dates. Frankly, I'm exhausted.
Somebody is feeling pretty good about themselves today.
Several people told you dating was a bad idea. Especially, as only posts before you were still hung up on your husband.
You brushed it off as a bit of fun / letting your hair down and harmless..
Dating is not harmless when you have attachment issues. Look at the outcome of what was just a few dates with a guy.. You can't get over it and its actually set you back.
Wolfman is a great example of why not to date broken. You followed in his footsteps - different outcome, but same principle.. It wasnt a positive or happy ending.
Please speak to a specialist. A lot of people here are posting the same thing day in day out, but until you make the steps needed, you will go full circle continually.
I'm working on it. I'm going to lose my health insurance with D so I've got to make that a priority and look into options and when I can be covered with new insurance.
I'm just as likely to get my heart broke 2yr after D or 2yr after therapy. Life does not have guarantees.
I haven't slept much this week so I know I'm not making good choices.
I came home last night to notice of court date in early March. I'm not even sure why we need a court date? STBXH does not have atty and my atty said nothing about needing to schedule a court date. I called STBXH last night when he was at work and told him about the court date (he stated he got notice too). I was said I'm being honest in that I don't know what its about. Told him I would check in with atty and let him know. We both agreed we don't want the court date. If we can get through this without creating more hate or bitterness it would be a win.
Court dates in uncontested divorces are completely normal, and are simply a formality. My understanding from friends and family that have been through it is that it is simply a matter of the judge asking both sides if they are in agreement with the written agreement. If both say yes (or one party doesn't show up) then there is nothing left to do, the written agreement becomes the official agreement of record, and that will be the final court appearance.
One word of caution, I think you've said you still have a couple of joint credit cards/accounts, and that is how you knew when he went with OW to a few places. Is that still the case? Because I've known people that have been D'd and agreed to split the debt, 50/50. But when the other S defaults, the bank comes after the first S for the whole amount, and no amount of telling the bank about the divorce decree mattered. So make sure you are protected.
Last edited by Steve85; 01/14/2101:43 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Court dates in uncontested divorces are completely normal, and are simply a formality. My understanding from friends and family that have been through it is that it is simply a matter of the judge asking both sides if they are in agreement with the written agreement. If both say yes (or one party doesn't show up) then there is nothing left to do, the written agreement becomes the official agreement of record, and that will be the final court appearance.
One word of caution, I think you've said you still have a couple of joint credit cards/accounts, and that is how you knew when he went with OW to a few places. Is that still the case? Because I've known people that have been D'd and agreed to split the debt, 50/50. But when the other S defaults, the bank comes after the first S for the whole amount, and no amount of telling the bank about the divorce decree mattered. So make sure you are protected.
That's just it... we have no agreement at this time. We have negotiated NOTHING.
I just filed a formal petition of dissolution and hired an accountant to do a valuation on an asset for numbers. Once we have that its just plug and play and I've provided my atty with a detailed list of EVERYTHING as well as what we have already agreed to.
And yes, we no longer have joint cc. However one of his cc's is linked to my email address??? I have no idea how that happened. I'm certain I'm no longer an authorized used on the card but will pull a credit report this week to see if that's the case and then maybe I can contact cc directly without going through STBXH.
The nexflix account is with his email address/name but paid for out of my acct... I use it all the time so trying to figure out how to change user names without having to delete acct.
Outside of that there is just the cell phone bill which I can log onto and pay my portion - because our account is SOOOO old we are grandfathered in at significantly lower rates with over the top service. If they segregate me out to my own plan its a super duper rate hike. That is our only connection at this time. Additionally STBXH will have to be one to release the phones - I cannot call do to so as I have tried once before.
One foot in front of the other (For us technical types, schedule some of the many things you're juggling into your digital calendar, with gaps in-between for breaks, and realize you can only do so much in one day!) We all have these days! I'm starting mine with exercise to de-stress. Hope yours get a bit calmer.
KC, you might ask your L what the purpose of the court date is. Sounds like it's not the final hearing, or that you don't think so anyway. The way it happened for XW and me was we came to an agreement, it was filed with the court, a date was set, we both appeared, the judge asked us if we were both in agreement with the terms and wanted the D, we said yes and he granted it. Afterwards there was some paperwork filing to be done. XW's lawyer was there and was very helpful in navigating where to go, where to wait, where to file, who to talk to, etc. My L was not present because we had already hammered out the agreement and signed it.
Hey KC, Just wanted to check up on you..see how you are? It's been almost a week since you posted. How are you doing? Are you ok? Your last post would indicate maybe something not so good happened. Let us know how you are if you can!
Hope all is well.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
That is our only connection at this time. Additionally STBXH will have to be one to release the phones - I cannot call do to so as I have tried once before.