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Jhopeful #2914405 02/04/21 08:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Jhopeful
I just don't understand it. She sends me funny emoji's with her communications about herself to me.


Doesn't want to deal with consequences of firing her husband. Trying to keep you friendly/friend zone. Also "Look at what a great mom/X I am!"

It will get easier to see it for what it is the farther along you get.

Originally Posted by Jhopeful
And she sends me videos of our daughter and her progress updates.... It's hard for me to make this transition into "friend / dad only zone"


It will get better and one day you won't have to tell yourself to accept it. You just will.

Originally Posted by Jhopeful
I imagine I'm reading all into this that there is the want to connect beyond my daughter......

There is NOTHING in this outside of what I said about her trying to look good and "do the right thing".

Crumbs. They are crumbs. If she wanted to connect beyond her daughter, you would not wonder. She would make it abundantly clear. Trust me. I'm a woman. If I want to connect with a man ---He KNOWS!

Originally Posted by Jhopeful
I've only responded to the texts with short comments about my daughter like "she's really cute" or "go P go!"


GOOD!!!!!

Originally Posted by Jhopeful
I've read that I shouldn't is there harm in replying?


If you want to set your progress back, reply. (Ask me how I know!)

My best advice, which I don't always follow - Never reply unless it's a direct question that requires a response. Emphasis "requires".

Hang in there! Keep posting. You aren't alone!
x


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Jhopeful #2914485 02/05/21 05:18 PM
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Question:
A said her number 1 value is family. I did not meet that connection with her.

I've come to realize that family is even more important to me than I have ever realized.

She is sending me pictures of my daughter to me and my mom.

Last week I FaceTimed both her sister and her mom while having my daughter on her lap.

I feel boxed into a corner where I want to participate in these activities of family (replying to pictures of my daughter and staying engaged with her family) in part because I enjoy them - but also to show her that I am in fact invested in family.

Am I over thinking this?

Jhopeful #2914487 02/05/21 05:44 PM
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Yep

Jhopeful #2914489 02/05/21 05:50 PM
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hahaha - thanks for the laugh LH19.

On a serious note, what position should I take on whether to respond to the pictures and videos of my daughter? ignore? short comment? heart the photo?

Should I abstain from connecting with her family while I have our daughter?

Jhopeful #2914490 02/05/21 05:56 PM
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You are overthinking again.
You had it here:
I've only responded to the texts with short comments about my daughter like "she's really cute" or "go P go!"
But you really dont have to respond at all. Depends on each situation and whether you want to keep receiving these images/videos.

When I have my kids I focus 100% on them.
If they want to visit XW's dad when we are in town I will go there with them (if I feel we have time for it), but I will never sleep over there again.


Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021
Jhopeful #2914491 02/05/21 05:57 PM
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J,

It's really your call J. It's viewed as cakeating. Your W should be feeling the loss when she is not with your daughter.

LH19 #2914507 02/05/21 10:15 PM
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LH19 - what is "cakeating"?

She's about to come over and I find myself just trying to impress her by how I look and what the house looks like.

Jhopeful #2914509 02/05/21 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Jhopeful
LH19 - what is "cakeating"?

She's about to come over and I find myself just trying to impress her by how I look and what the house looks like.

She gets her cake and eats it too. She gets everything she wants.


Save yourself. Nobody is coming!
BD:11/2017
Filed:12/2017
Final: 2/2018
Jhopeful #2914510 02/05/21 10:23 PM
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Joe17 -
Does the book explain why this cold approach works, I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all, don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting nor discarding everyone's support, in fact it's the opposite. I need support right now and this community has been incredibly supportive.

Jhopeful #2914513 02/05/21 10:30 PM
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So let’s say your boss fires you from your job. You find a new one and he’s texting you asking you to send pictures of the projects your working on. Would you do it? Why or why not?

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