Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 34
1
1stLove Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
1
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 34
Hi guys,
ok, so I have been through this breakup process 2 times before with her. But yes, this time is very different.

She has a determination around her and is much more cold / reserved when around me, in particular with other people around.

I did a few more mistakes, but will stop doing them now.

Quick update:
We met in the yoga class twice, not really pleasant. We also went together with other people to a community weekend at the yoga center. Fri was ok and I even felt as if she was showing interest (like putting her hand nearly on my leg), but Sat/Sun were terrible.

Not only did she ignore me most of the time, she also had a lot of fun with the rest of the group. So you could feel the difference and distance even more. She also seemed to be having a bit too much fun with one of the group members and there was quite some flirty behaviour (can ofc be only my interpretation).

Now she wants to do a closure ritual ala Esther Perel where we say goodbye to the old relationship. Part of me thinks it's actually a good idea and could help me get over the relationship faster to just draw a line. But part of me also thinks that she just wants to be guiltfree and move on, maybe even with that guy.

She will also go to Mexico for 4 weeks in mid February (in about 2 weeks), so if I don't meet her the coming 2 weeks, I will not have a chance to see her for over a month.

Do you think that is a bit extreme to go full NC now when she is planning to leave anyhow?

Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
1st,

I can see where you are one of the people that come to the board and get advice ignore it then come back a week later and tell us all the mistakes you made and now things are worse.

I sense the making of a great Hollywood movie where she’s at the airport with the yoga dude going to Mexico and your hurdling airport chairs and you get to her gate just before they board. You pour out your heart and soul to her and she pushes yoga dude away and falls into your arms.

Just to be clear 1st that is totally a joke. Please don’t do that.

The best thing for you to do right now is completely let her go. NC what so ever. Take time to mourn the break up and heal. Absolutely start reading books like the ones I recommended and understand what women are attracted to in a man.

In the event she ever contacts you again (do not wait for her to), if you are available tell you would love to see her and then hang out have fun and hook up. If she brings up just being friends, tell her you have no interest in being friends.

Simple in theory but my impossible for most here to implement.

Good luck 1st.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,359
Likes: 80
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,359
Likes: 80
Wow! A breakup closure ritual right before she goes to Mexico for a month!

I think I have finally seen it all on these boards.

She wants to say goodbye to the old relationship so she could be free to do whatever she wants in Mexico for a month. .

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
1st, at this point you really have no choice but to 1) say no thank you to the goodbye ritual and 2) to go full NC.

The opposite of NC hasn't been working, has it?


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Wow! A breakup closure ritual right before she goes to Mexico for a month!

I think I have finally seen it all on these boards.

She wants to say goodbye to the old relationship so she could be free to do whatever she wants in Mexico for a month. .


If it involves witch doctors and animal sacrifices, definitely do not do it.

Joking aside. Don’t do it. NC from here out!

Last edited by LH19; 01/28/21 12:25 PM.

M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 288
Quote
so if I don't meet her the coming 2 weeks, I will not have a chance to see her for over a month.


But 1st, why would you want to? Can you not see her selfish behavior? Many veterans here have posted this quote before "You are never as attractive as when you walk away". See this as an opportunity! And I don't mean walking away as a strategy to win her back or looking over your shoulder to see if she is paying attention, She wants to break up? Ok, by Felicia!

I can add another quote I have read multiple times - "Nothing is as attractive as a man who knows his own worth". Read your own post a few times. Does that sound like a man who knows his value and self-worth?

Agreeing to some ritual is the most beta thing I have read here in a long time.


Me: 38
Stbxw: 35
No kids
Mini bd: February 6, 2019
ONS confirmed Sept 7, 2019
Told her to move out: September 8, 2019
W moved out: September 28, 2019
Divorce filed by me: September 23, 2019
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
And another: "You will never be more attractive than when you are walking away."


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,381
Likes: 137
Originally Posted by Steve85
And another: "You will never be more attractive than when you are walking away."

I feel like I have read this quote before.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 34
1
1stLove Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
1
Joined: Jan 2021
Posts: 34
Yeah guys I agree. Starting to read the 3% man now as well.

I just thought that the things I did before got her back twice, so was hoping this time is the same. Didn't take it so serious honestly. I guess when you have been doing it wrong twice but still succeeded you don't feel like you have to change anything.

In any case, I will do that now as hanging out currently is not even pleasurable anyhow. No point in doing it.

It is sad because I do not believe she will come back when I go NC and say to her basically I don't want to be your friend but if a romantic relationship is possible let me know. Because I have no way to gain her attraction as it is said in so many other ex back programs (withmyexagain for example).

So just out of curiosity, what do you think about that theory - that you have to reattract her and in order to do so it is an advantage to be her friend, but don't act like her friend?

Last edited by 1stLove; 01/28/21 01:39 PM.
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 9,463
Likes: 58
Originally Posted by 1stLove
Yeah guys I agree. Starting to read the 3% man now as well.

I just thought that the things I did before got her back twice, so was hoping this time is the same. Didn't take it so serious honestly. I guess when you have been doing it wrong twice but still succeeded you don't feel like you have to change anything.

In any case, I will do that now as hanging out currently is not even pleasurable anyhow. No point in doing it.

It is sad because I do not believe she will come back when I go NC and say to her basically I don't want to be your friend but if a romantic relationship is possible let me know. Because I have no way to gain her attraction as it is said in so many other ex back programs (withmyexagain for example).

So just out of curiosity, what do you think about that theory - that you have to reattract her and in order to do so it is an advantage to be her friend, but don't act like her friend?


1st, so much focus on her.................

First, DO NOT SAY, DO. Show her through actions that you aren't interested in friendship. We have another quote around here: "When the WAS is ready to come back, you will know without a doubt." If she is wanting to hang out, talk and be besties, you will have doubt. That doubt is your clue that she doesn't want to be in a romantic relatinship.

However, if you are saying to her "I don't want to be just friends" but then are engaging with her as a friend....guess what she will believe? This is why you turn down the friendship offers. ACTION When she calls you do not answer her calls. If she texts you respond only to questions...in your own time and in as few words as possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers. ACTION

The FZ is a terrible place to be when you are interested in more with a woman. I went through that with years with a woman. Trust me on this. Your best course of action is NC. As I asked above, the opposite of that hasn't worked, has it? So trust the process, stop acting out of fear and start acting out of a place of strength.


M(52), W(53),D(17)
M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard