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#2911435 12/28/20 01:29 PM
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AndrewP Offline OP
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Happy New Year Andrew. I’m with the others on here. Make someone prove themselves before you ever think of living with them again. Remember...in this kind of scenario, there are no victims...only volunteers. If you stop volunteering, you will be okay. Enjoy the process of dating. Really get to know someone first before you open up your home. I hope 2021 is really good to you. (((HUGS)))

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It got me thinking about how some guys my age seek out much younger women.

Case in point: my ex remarried to a woman 19 years younger. This difference probably didn’t seem all that great when he was a buff 50 year old surfer and she was 31. Now he’s 60, has a disabling medical condition (reflex sympathetic dystrophy, extremely painful), gray and balding, and likely depressed over the monkey wrench this threw in his retirement plans. She on the other hand is only 41, still very attractive. I hope she sticks it out.

The truth is, though, you can’t ever know. CMM is a few years younger than me but here I am caring for someone with a terminal disease. I think what is more important is what stage in life you’re in. I wouldn’t be a great match for a guy who is retired and wants to play and travel all the time, as I’m still working and expect to for another five years or so. I also wouldn’t be a great match for a guy who fathered a child at 52 and is still raising a 13 year old, as I’m just over the whole child rearing thing.

I’d be less worried about age and more about finding someone in a similar stage of life, maturity and responsibility, and with similar values and lifestyle. She shouldn’t be a copy of you - we all benefit from the differences our partners bring to a relationship. But kindness should be number one. I’m an introvert who has mostly gravitated to extroverts, but I have introvert friends who are very happy with introvert partners. I definitely wouldn’t be happy with someone who was cheap, or selfish, or had political views consistent with racism, misogyny, homophobia or blaming the poor. I also wouldn’t be happy with someone who wasn’t financially responsible.

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Any lady entering my life in the for-seeable future will undoubtedly have 4 paws and say Meow so I'm not too worried about their political views laugh

And even that I can't see doing before spring. I'm looking forward to not having to get up and take care of others for the first time in my adult life.


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Happy Wednesday from a still snowy land. I'd expected the snow to be melted but it appears to be hanging in and we currently have freezing rain coming down on top of it. Going to be a mixed bag for the next few days. I checked the basement and all appears ready in case it gets damp which it regularly does.

Windy today. I've still not gotten the house closed up. I usually caulk all the windows shut around now to reduce drafts but with the stink from S18's rabbits a bit of drafty is perhaps a good thing still. I'm open with him about the fact that there is every expectation that he'll be gone soon. It doesn't seem to cause him stress which is good. What plans his mother may have are something completely different. I believe she's expecting the social services to take charge of him and his housing. Not my issue. He could move in with her if he needs to. He just can't stay here. I've never told him and never will that he and his rabbits were part of the "too much" that was the end of my relationship with his mother. There was a lot more as well and he's pretty aware of the things I struggled with because he did too.

I of course have no information or input from S about any of her plans.

Not a lot going on around here. The pain I had in my legs seems to have decreased but that may be because I hurt my back and it's distracting me. Being stupid as usual shifting the boat around so I could put the utility trailer back into the shed. S's S18 told me later that he could have helped if asked as he has a history of moving heavy things for his mother. He is strong albeit at perhaps 105 lbs soaking wet I'm not sure how much actual heave he would have. The back pain is annoying because it disturbs my sleep as I need to wake up a bit to be able to turn without too much pain. It will pass though.

S18 seemed to think that there is a plan to move stuff out of the sheds earlier than the spring but didn't mention anything specific and I'm confident that nothing specific exists. If plans change then I'll adapt.

One of the reasons I did this was so that the utility trailer will be available to pick up my new rugs in a few weeks. I went out to the shop and selected the style and put down a deposit yesterday afternoon. I'm getting "Cornet Silky Sparkle Moonbeam" which sounds fancier than it is. It's more just generic beige to my eyes. As bound remnants I'm not only getting pretty much the size I need but also a lot cheaper than getting actual area rugs. I'm figuring that the rug in the dining room - which is pretty badly soiled but doesn't seem to stink will go into the front bedroom. No need to throw it out if I can find a use for it. The living room rug will have to be tossed unfortunately. It still boggles my mind on how quickly this place got absolutely filthy.

When I was coming back I popped in to the beer store in that town that I've not been in to since probably last February. Rather to my surprise the clerk immediately recognized me and was very happy to see me. She said that she had also been asking the other staff if they'd seen me. She's a nice kid - I think just under 30 and I used to stop in there on a Friday night on my way home from work and we would chat. She has a little boy who much to my shock is now 4. Last we'd talked she was all excited about moving in with her new boyfriend but it turns out that only lasted for a couple of months before she got sick of the fighting. She seems to be in a good place now and still refuses to consider dating my son crazy She was sorry but not very sorry that my own relationship went bust. It was nice to see her.

Yesterday was the anniversary of my Dad's passing 6 years ago. He was in a nursing home for some years prior due to dementia and died from influenza when it went through. My how the world has changed since then.

My youngest sister who is one of those people who profess their love and admiration for people they didn't have time or interest in when they were around, tried to do a video call at supper time which I was the only one who answered. We were able to get my younger brother and nephew on after a bit. Unfortunately my sister was pretty drunk by the time she called and wanted to ramble on and get us drinking whiskey with her in memory of our Dad. Er - no. She's one of those people where all the drama is all about her and has made a number of unfortunately choices in her life. Her kids have also followed in this path it seems. Her son got married about a year ago and it seems that he and his wife are "on a break". I don't mean her any harm but bailed off the call as soon as I could as her being all maudlin and going on about how devoted she is to the entire family was rather a bit too much. Certainly not the impression I got growing up crazy

Working my way through to New Years Eve. I hope to be able to find Dick Clark's Rockin New Years Eve which is my tradition going back to when my friends and I would get together for a New Years Eve party when I lived in Toronto at the home of a gay couple that included my best friend.

One of my side projects is working on digitizing a local history book. One of my cousins has permission from the author and scanned in his copy and sent it to me. It was able to be run through a character recognition routine that worked reasonably well although there were some rather funny mistakes. Looking back on the people who settled the area that I grew up in I'm surprised at the number of people who had no descendants, not too surprised that quite a lot died young. I'm hoping to get it finished off over the New Year break. It should make a lot of my cousins happy to see it. My own family settled in this area roughly 200 years ago so my roots run deep. Going through the book I saw so very many familiar names and a really cute picture of my Dad in a school picture with his overalls on. We weren't always snappy dressers.

I'm not a resolution sort of guy and so haven't set any intents other than rebuilding and renewal. I have set up a new set of books in my book-keeping software starting for next year. That will put behind me the debris of the mess I made of this past year along with the other noise around my settlement and the categories etc I maintained to track how much I was spending supporting my son.

I'm heading into the plant tomorrow to catch up on the filing and to audit a load of containers that came in. The regular receiver is off and so all I know is that "some totes and drums came in". I need to check them to see if they are usable and what I can have them filled with and record serial numbers.

Today is S's S18's last day of work before the New Year. He doesn't think he's going to be spending it with his family - I've certainly not heard anything. I have to drive him in for 4:00 and pick him up at 8:00 I believe. Another task that I'll be glad to see the end of. Technically the main reason he's still living here is so that he can get to work at his part-time grocery store job. The reality is rather more complex.

Ah well - enough for now. Let's all stay safe out there. And see you on the other side!


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Have you been direct with S and S18 about a move date ? Or are you just hoping they will take care of it and yikes will wait for the day to see if it happens?

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Have you been direct with S and S18 about a move date ? Or are you just hoping they will take care of it and yikes will wait for the day to see if it happens?
I told them that S needed to be moved out before the end of the year. She was gone last month. And that S18 needs to be out before the end of January - she said that she expects it to be mid-month.

I've also told her the dates when she would be disconnected from banking (already happened), streaming services (middle of next month), auto club and Costco when they expire in February.


On BD
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D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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And the new year is in 2 days and nothing has been said or done? I don’t think j it would unreasonable to have a discussion with S about this

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
And the new year is in 2 days and nothing has been said or done? I don’t think j it would unreasonable to have a discussion with S about this
Nope nope nope. I'm staying out of it as far as any sort of planning on where the boy will end up. The last thing I want to do is to open the door to him staying longer by opening any sort of dialogue. I've stated my position and it's up to them to make it happen.

He's well aware that he needs to be out by the end of January as is his mother and presumably his siblings. I mention it as une fait accompli that he will be on his own and needing to deal with things like getting to work and grocery shopping and cooking as part of regular conversation.

We were talking yesterday about what is going to happen with his recently deceased cat and he said that the cat and also his birds will be buried in the back-yard of his grandpa's former house. So I'm presuming from that that his mother is settling into there as her new home. There's room for him there if it comes down to it and that is one of the options that I've mentioned to him.

I'm not going to end up in a situation like her former partner who was used for storage and who has S's daughter and her boyfriend couch-surfing.


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Happy new year Andrew, I really hope that 2021 brings you much peace and happiness.

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