Just to let you know I am not initiating relationship talks, last one was last Friday, initiated by her and nothing since, but I her you regarding it.
With regards to a date, there was an earlier discussion on this with Sandi2 and I do want a date in my head to end the limbo. In my case what would be the BD date, when she said she wanted to separate in March20 or when I found out about the affair in Nov20?
" I did ask her last Friday whether she would come to me if she wanted to reconcile and also whether if she is waiting for me to instigate the divorce, in both cases she said she would do it if she wanted to... I'm just not so sure. " That sounds like initiating an R talk.
As far as the date, it is entirely up to you. It doesn't have to be either of those dates. It could be 1/1/2025 because you've decided you want to give her 5 years. It is entirely up to you.
I picked 1 year past BD because for me that was how long I was willing to wait for her. However, if I were you I would have filed the next day after finding out about a PA. A PA to me is a deal-breaker. My W had an EA.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I did ask her last Friday whether she would come to me if she wanted to reconcile and also whether if she is waiting for me to instigate the divorce, in both cases she said she would do it if she wanted to... I'm just not so sure.
Gotham, why would you ask her such questions? You didn't put yourself in the most attractive light by asking her these questions...........and it doesn't matter if she started the relationship talk.
This reminds me of some other newcomers who wanted to know how likely it would be for their M to reconcile, or even how long it would take before their spouse would be ready. They would say they didn't mind following the advice, just as long as they knew the other spouse would not divorce them.
Nobody knows the future........not even a WW. Frankly, her answer is pretty straightforward, considering that's how WW's base their decisions......on whether or not they "want to do it". At the moment, she isn't worried about it.
Hold your cards close to your chest and stop exposing your hand.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2/Steve85 - Fair point guys, I will look to keep my distance on these things and keep things close to my chest, when R talk starts, it kinda flows, sometimes I talk more than I should because she does not.
Thought I would pop a quick update on here, although there is not much to update on... no R talks from either of us, we just go about our lives, I am civil say morning, goodbye etc etc, no major chit chat, we did have to discuss some financial matters as I wanted to invest some of the kids money so had to get agreement on that, but apart from that not much else.
Kids are remote learing at home, so if my wife is not working, I go to the office rather than stay at home, so to give plenty of space.
We eat dinner together as a family and watch a movie at the weekend and occasionally play card games, but apart from that we do our own thing. She mainly watches TV, I read, run, do HIIT sessions, yoga, cook, gaming with my boys and go for walks with a friend.
I dont believe she is in contact with the OM, the number is still blocked and no other suspicious activity. She is looking for another job to increase her income.
I guess it is limbo, but things are bearable at the moment, got a promotion at work so that was good news.
Not much else really, no signs of movement from the W, but I am OK where I am now, and TBH, as each day passes my desire to be with her as she is now reduces and a future without her does not worry me, my main concern are for the boys.
That is it really. Thanks for reading and thanks for all your input and support, it really does help!
Thought I would pop a quick update on here, although there is not much to update on... no R talks from either of us, we just go about our lives, I am civil say morning, goodbye etc etc, no major chit chat, we did have to discuss some financial matters as I wanted to invest some of the kids money so had to get agreement on that, but apart from that not much else.
Kids are remote learing at home, so if my wife is not working, I go to the office rather than stay at home, so to give plenty of space.
We eat dinner together as a family and watch a movie at the weekend and occasionally play card games, but apart from that we do our own thing. She mainly watches TV, I read, run, do HIIT sessions, yoga, cook, gaming with my boys and go for walks with a friend.
I dont believe she is in contact with the OM, the number is still blocked and no other suspicious activity. She is looking for another job to increase her income.
I guess it is limbo, but things are bearable at the moment, got a promotion at work so that was good news.
Not much else really, no signs of movement from the W, but I am OK where I am now, and TBH, as each day passes my desire to be with her as she is now reduces and a future without her does not worry me, my main concern are for the boys.
That is it really. Thanks for reading and thanks for all your input and support, it really does help!
Gotham, hang in there. Seems you are doing many of the right things for right now. Just keep on keeping on.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
