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maybe this will help you Andrew - boundaries are not just there to protect you, they protect others as well. They set a clear and concise container within which to work, live, interact.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Glad the packing is moving along and that you are that much closer to taking your house back, so to speak. Honestly, your most recent posts sound more like the old Andrew and I'm glad for that. Maybe getting yourself back for Christmas will be one of the good things to come out of this crappy pandemic year. I sure hope so...for you.

I applaud you for going to IC and really focusing on working on you. It is hard to be that vulnerable but it is a good thing, for sure. As you develop a rapport with your counselor, I'm sure you will discover more truths about yourself, as will they and you will find things easier.

Not that it matters in any way, but since others commented on it, I will too, just for the sake of argument. I'm definitely a leave the dishes in the drainer overnight girl. As a matter of fact, I will admit, in my dish drainer right now, there is a pot that has actually been there since I washed it Monday night because as I washed up last night, I was talking and not really paying attention and didn't put it away before I started putting the newly washed things in the drainer. Oops......if it is bothering my husband he hasn't mentioned it. If it is, he can put the d@mn pot away. He's a grown man who knows where things go. I will say, though, in your defense. it is your house and you have a right to have things the way you want them and so if that means dishes go away at night, then that is how it should be. In our house, despite it being Sparky's house prior to my arrival, he has demurred to me on all things kitchen storage related and so I put things where they made sense and I generally am the one who puts things away. I don't mind dishes in the drainer until the next day because at least I know they are clean and ready to go. I am a creature of habit about some things like that, as are you, and in my house, I prefer things to be a certain way. Don't apologize for it...it is what it is, you know.

I'll be sending positive vibes tomorrow. Good luck. Hang in there and it will all be finished soon.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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So - S and I had a chance to talk and walk through the property and check everything this afternoon. .... Awkward ....

The plan as it sits right now is that she is going to move the bulk of the things out of the house tomorrow. S18 will be staying here, probably until the end of January. The bunnies and at least one of the cats as well. I will feed the boy and ferry him back and forth from work - S has said that she will send gas and food money but I'm not worried about that. There's a strong chance that the cat that I like least that used to fight with my girls will be leaving tomorrow. I offered to loan one of my cat carriers.

Going through the house she agrees with how I've divided things although there were a couple of items of crystal that I was unsure about that she says are mine.

The stove will be staying for now as well so I don't need to worry about that in the short term.

S has a storage unit for the stuff from here and her Dad's house. Some of the stuff like the trampoline will be left and we'll figure that out in the spring.

Tonight will probably be S's last night here. She will be updating the banking for the loan soon but has sent over the payment for this month so that's covered.

I've chosen to deal with the panic with a cold beer and some breathing and quiet space and time vs a pill.


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BD-9-Mar-16
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Why on earth is she only taking one of her two cats???

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BTW - I agree with bttrfly that boundaries protect others too. This is a very good example - if you'd had better boundaries in the first place, S wouldn't have had to move twice in a year. Sometimes, as the song goes, sometimes you "have to be cruel to be kind". Not necessarily actually cruel, but with good boundaries.

I'm glad you went through the stuff with her. Just, again, not clear on why she's leaving one cat and taking the other. I lay 50:50 odds on you ending up with that cat.

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Even more importantly, why is she leaving HER KID?!?!?! Rhetorical question.....we all know.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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We'll see what shakes out. The one cat is supposed to go with S18. There's no way I will take custody of either of them.

Bttrfly's point is well made. I actually have some reading and thinking to do on the topic of Toxic Masculinity. The idea that the ability to take a hit is a good thing. It ignores the fact that collateral damage and unintended consequences also happen.


On BD
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T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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How is an 18 year old supposed to get an apartment with rabbits AND a cat????

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Originally Posted by harvey
Originally Posted by AndrewP
She actually washed the dishes yesterday as I was leaving for my IC appointment at 3:45pm. A number of them she and her son had dirtied but still - it was nice. They were still in the drying rack when I got home after 8:00 pm but still


I find it funny that you noticed this and it seemed to bother you. It seems you are very particular about how things should get done. Maybe something to work on or find somebody who doesn't mind being smothered. I hand wash my dishes every day, and I always leave them to dry overnight to ensure they are fully dry. To me, dishes being in the drying rack at 8:00pm after being washed at 3:45pm would be normal. smile


Normal in our house too smile

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I have a question that has been bugging me since I read it.

Why on earth did you Google ‘bleeding in pregnancy’ regarding her daughter?

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