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I am so glad to read that S has arranged for a truck. Now, is she having someone pick the stuff up? Or, is she planning to load it herself or is she looking for you to do the loading? Andrew, I'm w/kml, pack all of that stuff up and have it ready to move on out. Everything must go on that truck. It's better if you are doing the packing so that your stuff doesn't inadvertently get packed up as well.

I can't wait to hear how relieved you will be once the very last box is loaded and on the road. You will be able to see the floor and furniture once again. You will be able to clean one room at a time.

I also agree w/kml on the fact that she is an adult and you were not her parent in this relationship. This isn't the firest breakup, so she knows the drill and knows what she needs to do to get herself motivated and things completely packed up, stored and moving herself, as well as her children, from your home. When she goes, please make sure that they take all of the animals as well.

BTW, be sure that the freezer is moved with the deceased pets in it, especially if you aren't planning to use that freezer yourself.

We all can't wait to hear how Thursday goes. We all hope that everything goes smoothly and you can reclaim your home once again.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I have moved the entire contents of my house in a 20’ livestock trailer so I’m hopeful that the 38’ moving truck will accommodate all of her stuff. That’s a LOT of room to stack stuff. I echo the sentiments of the others: I’m glad she’s getting her crap together and getting her stuff disentangled from yours. You should definitely do part of the packing, if not the bulk, mainly to keep your things from being taken away, whether by accident or on purpose. Normally I would tell you to let her handle it but honestly, I just wouldn’t put it past her to include some of your treasured items just to gig you. And she and S18 need to get his situation figured out because he needs to be finding his way too. It is insane to me that she’s basically just written him off as though he’s a piece of trash she can just toss aside. It’s sad really. Like everyone else said, though, this is not her first break up and she is an adult and a survivor. She’ll be fine until the next one comes along she can latch onto. From where I’m sitting, you kept your side of the street totally clean in all of this and you need to focus on taking your home and your life back. Yes, mourn the loss of the relationship however you need to, but do not dwell on it or take more ownership of the negative side than you are due. You’ll heal and get your space and your pride in that space back.


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Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
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Originally Posted by job
I am so glad to read that S has arranged for a truck. Now, is she having someone pick the stuff up? Or, is she planning to load it herself or is she looking for you to do the loading? Andrew, I'm w/kml, pack all of that stuff up and have it ready to move on out. Everything must go on that truck. It's better if you are doing the packing so that your stuff doesn't inadvertently get packed up as well.
S and her family are taking care of the moving. S is here and is in the hallway behind me packing right now so kind of awkward at the moment. Her son-in-law has been recruited to drive the truck and there will be muscle enough I am sure with S18 and D19's boyfriend. D19 is a pretty robust young lady as well and there may be some other friends recruited. Her D26 will undoubtedly be supervising and organizing and baby-wrangling. My plan which is helped by the fact that it will be a Thursday is to be down at the plant all day and not under-foot. I really don't want to be the ghost at the banquet. In some ways I hope for a repeat of when my ex-wife gutted the house - which was also a Thursday I think. Come home to an essentially empty place.

I'm confident that I annoyed her by packing up some of her stuff but the key reason was to make sure that "my" stuff was clearly segregated because while I have a certain amount of confidence that S herself wouldn't raid I don't know about poorly informed helpers. Other than the glassware and some food all of her stuff is out of the kitchen. I moved all of "my" stuff out of the dining room including my good silver and serving dishes and have stored it elsewhere.

I'm not too worried that any of my stuff that I truly care about will be moved and it is best that I keep the heck out of the rest of the packing. If the tables etc also go, I have plans in place. I also talked to S18 and made sure he knew where stuff was staged and segregated. I also told him that I wouldn't be too shocked if the tables etc go (I can hope) and had plans as well if the stove left.

I did have a laugh because S's vibrator was removed from the bedside table as one of the first things she did. Perhaps she has need of it but I do know she was horrified when she moved if the kids would see it. No clue if she's replaced the batteries in it or not. crazy
Originally Posted by job
I can't wait to hear how relieved you will be once the very last box is loaded and on the road. You will be able to see the floor and furniture once again. You will be able to clean one room at a time.
The present is difficult but it's a path to a better future. I'm grateful to S for taking decisive action to clear out the house and at least some of the out-buildings.

Originally Posted by job
I also agree w/kml on the fact that she is an adult and you were not her parent in this relationship. This isn't the firest breakup, so she knows the drill and knows what she needs to do to get herself motivated and things completely packed up, stored and moving herself, as well as her children, from your home. When she goes, please make sure that they take all of the animals as well.

BTW, be sure that the freezer is moved with the deceased pets in it, especially if you aren't planning to use that freezer yourself.
I'm not sure on the disposition of the pets but I expect the cats will be gone fairly soon. The rabbits will go with S18. At this point I'm not offering any extension for him and they aren't asking. The freezer and contents is an open question. I have no problems with laying the wee burdies to rest in the spring in a respectful fashion for S18.
Originally Posted by job
We all can't wait to hear how Thursday goes. We all hope that everything goes smoothly and you can reclaim your home once again.
Yeah - I just keep telling myself to keep my head down, keep quiet, keep out of the way and that it will be over faster and smoother for that. It's like waiting in the dentist's waiting room not knowing if you will
Originally Posted by Dawn70
I have moved the entire contents of my house in a 20’ livestock trailer so I’m hopeful that the 38’ moving truck will accommodate all of her stuff. That’s a LOT of room to stack stuff.
Yep. She used a smaller truck that hauled a load from her former partner's place and one from her apartment. Depending on how it's packed, it may actually be fairly full. My house and lot may actually rise up a few inches with all of that weight gone wink

Originally Posted by Dawn70
And she and S18 need to get his situation figured out because he needs to be finding his way too. It is insane to me that she’s basically just written him off as though he’s a piece of trash she can just toss aside. It’s sad really. Like everyone else said, though, this is not her first break up and she is an adult and a survivor.
The future of S18 is up to them and not me. I think he's got some confidence that I'm someone he can call in case of emergency even if I won't be part of his life. I asked and he would like me to write out some of my recipes including ones he's tried himself - he even suggested some for me to include. I have hopes that he will find his feet under him perhaps more effectively now that he's been in a household with - if I could toot my own horn here a bit - a functioning male adult who manages fine on his own.
Originally Posted by Dawn70
From where I’m sitting, you kept your side of the street totally clean in all of this and you need to focus on taking your home and your life back. Yes, mourn the loss of the relationship however you need to, but do not dwell on it or take more ownership of the negative side than you are due. You’ll heal and get your space and your pride in that space back.
And staying away from random women. I was telling my S26 over brunch today about my encounter at the craft shop and he pointed out to me that a man going in to a craft shop BY HIMSELF without a wedding ring on and who spent time browsing and asking questions was certainly single. And that middle-aged women who work at craft shops would spot one of these a mile away perhaps by smell alone.


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Lol.. Your son is pretty sharp! smile

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I'm grateful to S for taking decisive action to clear out the house and at least some of the out-buildings.


SOME of the outbuildings???? Oh no no no. EVERYTHING should go on that truck. And make sure your silver etc is clearly marked as yours and not anywhere that someone would mistakenly pick it up and put it on the truck.

As for your son’s comment - an unmarried man in a craft store could also be gay. Maybe she was looking for a gay BFF? Lol

Last edited by job; 12/07/20 05:22 PM. Reason: edited a word from solver to silver
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Andrew,

With a truck that size, she will be able to take it all in one trip. She needs to clear out whatever stuff she has in all of the buildings, i.e., just as kml stated.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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We'll see what shakes out when I get home on Thursday. I won't pre-judge the result of the packing and loading. The weather is supposed to be ok on Thursday. Given that I had believed that the bulk of this stuff was going to be here until spring, I'll take what wins I can get. I would be surprised if there's much left though.

And yes - I've gone through pretty much everything and split out what goes and what stays fairly explicitly.

S is being pretty thorough in the packing. Many of her books are packed and I believe she's in the kitchen right now packing up glassware. I'm staying out of her way. I think she's perhaps pleased but also saddened on how helpful and cooperative I'm being on her moving out.

It's still surreal to me and probably will be for the next few days.


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S21, D23
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^^^^^ what job and k said.

also, i wouldn't make myself too scarce --- you're going to want to make sure of a couple things while the truck and
'help' are there:
1. that none of your things hitch a ride with her
2. that everything that's supposed to go, does in fact leave the premises


this is a marvelous opportunity for you, Andrew, to get it all done in a much faster timeframe than anticipated. I'm so happy for you. Hope this in fact clears her out of your space.


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S is being pretty thorough in the packing. Many of her books are packed and I believe she's in the kitchen right now packing up glassware.


Just notice this - she's being effective in packing up her things, yet she was completely ineffective when it came to sorting through her things. So it's not that she couldn't have mustered up the energy to unpack and clean and get things in order. It's that her hoarding got in the way, because she didn't want to let go of anything. She is being effective now because it's all about keeping all of her stuff. She couldn't be effective before because it was about getting rid of some of her stuff. I suspect that you have two things working in your favor right now. One is that she actually has the means right now to rent a truck and pay for storage. The second is that your clear statement that you wouldn't keep her things past a certain date has probably saved you from the fate of her past partners left storing her things. Good boundary setting! She probably fears that her "stuff" isn't "safe" with you and that's a good thing if it's lighting a fire under her getting that stuff out of your place.

I suggest you "help" her pack the stuff that is in outbuildings as a way of reminding her what she has there as well.

And remember, the fact that you feel mostly relief as you reclaim your home is a sign that you're doing the right thing.

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amen to Kml's most recent post. poke around in the outbuildings while S is around to see it. that will light a fire under her @$$


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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