My son was taught how to do his own laundry at the age of 11, when we got a new washer and dryer and moved the laundry from the basement to the bedroom level of our family home. He was eager to learn and be self-sufficient in some way. I have rarely had to do his laundry since, and I'm really glad I was patient and made the effort to teach him, so he could gain some confidence in his growing independence. I commend both you and 18 for this, as nothing, in my experience, helps one's self-esteem so much as a task well done, independently.
There is nothing wrong with 18 that being away from S won't cure. I am usually far more reticent when it comes to anything resembling judging a fellow parent, but I make an exception in her case. No kid moves across the planet to get away from home unless there's a darn good reason.
Perhaps 26 isn't a bubblehead so much as she's been distracted by being parentified at such a young age, and has never had the opportunity to focus on herself, her education, her own needs, etc. And so it will continue, sadly and shame on S for allowing this.
When is your IC appointment? Coming up soon?
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
My son was taught how to do his own laundry at the age of 11, when we got a new washer and dryer and moved the laundry from the basement to the bedroom level of our family home. He was eager to learn and be self-sufficient in some way. I have rarely had to do his laundry since, and I'm really glad I was patient and made the effort to teach him, so he could gain some confidence in his growing independence.
My kids were doing their own laundry from pretty much as soon as they were tall enough to reach the top of the machine. We each did our own and I did the "family" laundry - towels and what-not as well. I did my laundry reliably every week and to be honest I have no idea what cadence the rest did their's on. They always had clean clothes although my son should probably have changed his sheets more often than he did.
I never did understand S's reluctance to have the boys do their own but being as it was pay-machines that may well have had something to do with it. S's own approach baffles me though too. She doesn't do it until she "needs to" - never really kept tabs on the boys' clothes or linens. She used to bring her laundry here when we were dating - which - ok - saves some money. But then she's taken laundry from here to her Dad's place - wtf?? She's offered to do mine but after one episode where she took it to her Dad's house and then it took me 2 weeks to find the random basket of clean clothes (they were dumped out in S13's room) then - no.
Domestic diva - no.
As a laugh I remember shaking my head when sorting out S13's clothes when they first moved in and mixed in with the t-shirts etc were several sets of lingerie.
The more time I spend away from her, the more I realize how difficult it was having her under this roof. I wasn't looking for someone to take care of me but neither was I looking for someone I had to take care of or rescue. Some rescuing was done yes - but I was never very happy about being dragged in to deal with stuff that wasn't mine to own.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
When is your IC appointment? Coming up soon?
Next Tuesday evening. I have a phone consult with my GP earlier in the day. He may suggest something chemical for my "panic attacks" but if they aren't damaging me I'd rather not have that sort of crutch. The fact that they can take some days to recover from though is still a concern.
20S was by yesterday afternoon to borrow my printer / scanner and was horrified at the conditions here although she thought that much of the house - the bits I've worked on weren't "that bad". I need to work on her as well to get her stuff which she now refers to as her "when I'm on my own" stuff. Perhaps it can go up to her parent's driving shed a mile or so away. Not really going to worry about that until spring though.
Off tomorrow and I picked up the wire to re-do that outlet. I warned S18 that the power may be out for a short while as I do up the connections. I have the plan all figured out. Power off - disconnect the existing circuit - power on - do the wiring up to the box - power off - connect - power on and test. Easy peasy.
I've got the kitchen pretty much under control now. I'm going to do some re-arranging. Between how I had it before, the changes that B made and then S's D26 made there are some organizational changes that will make a lot of sense.
I'm hoping to get some clarity from S on the weekend about the moving plan but am doubting that I will be so lucky. S may well be upset with the amount of stuff that I've "tidied up" but really that's not my problem. What can she do if she's mad at me? Leave?
I do have a backup plan for the critters if she tries to leave them behind. There's an animal sanctuary that S supports locally and they would probably take them in albeit I would undoubtedly need to make a good sized donation.
They are non-kill and privately run. Hopefully that question doesn't come up.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Next Tuesday evening. I have a phone consult with my GP earlier in the day. He may suggest something chemical for my "panic attacks" but if they aren't damaging me I'd rather not have that sort of crutch. The fact that they can take some days to recover from though is still a concern.
Would insulin be a crutch if you were diabetic? How about something for hypertension Or cholesterol if you needed it? If you have a medical condition or situation causing panic attacks, medication is called a treatment - not a crutch. Although sometimes a crutch is a treatment as well as it helps your body to heal on its own after which you no longer need the crutch. There is no difference among these, yet far too many see them differently, like going on AD medication is somehow a weakness. Why suffer? If you need it you need it. Now I would not go on a benzodiazepine or anything potentially addicting. But there are some good non addicting medications out there that can work well. First you didn’t want to believe that you didn’t have heart problems - even after a cardiac cath proved otherwise. It seems now you are coming to agree it’s not cardiac but panic attack related but you still don’t want to treat it? You really are stubborn aren’t you. Lol. And the doc may decide it’s not bad enough or worth potential side effects to treat at this time, but if he or she does recommend you give it a try because it could very well improve your quality of life, why fight it? If you can feel better, why not do it? What’s the pay off of staying “sick”?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Are you on any beta blockers? These are often used in cardiac patients to lessen the load the heart has to push against, but they are also helpful in even small doses for social anxiety and stage fright, may be a win-win treatment for the panic attacks.
Happy Saturday everyone. An overcast day here. Cool but not cold.
S messaged me late yesterday afternoon to let me know that she was heading here after dinner and suggested she could pick up her S18 after work. She had previously told me she wouldn't be here until Saturday but "whatever".
A bit later - not at all to my surprise she let me know that she wouldn't make it to pick up her son from work. S18 seemed disappointed and commented that he was used to being the kid who was always picked up last.
I have asked him previously "how's the packing going" and it is I think top of mind for him. I asked and his grandfather's house has a partially finished basement with a solid floor that could work as rabbit habitat but the choice on where he lives is out of my hands.
He commented one time recently that he appreciated me driving him around etc and I responded that even though I wasn't his Dad, he was living under my roof. I want to make sure that he doesn't get too attached to the idea that I will be there to help him out too much. He's a decent if troubled kid but not my responsibility.
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S got here probably well after 9:00 and I was already in bed. By the noises, she and S18 visited for a bit and both wandered around the house pretty much all night. I partly expected her to crawl into bed at 2:00am or so but she never did. Phew.
Either she's respecting my boundaries or the thing that made me attractive to her was my bank account, house and ability to clean, not my bodacious hairy back. Let's be kind and pick some from column A and just a few from column B.
She's undoubtedly seen at least briefly that I've packed up quite a bit of her stuff.
She's in S13's former room and I honestly don't expect to see her surface until this afternoon sometime. I have no idea what her plans are or how long she's intending on staying here. Hopefully not more than a day or so. I'm going to ask her for some guidance on how she wants the more fragile things packed - stuff I've held off on. There's also a small amount of food here and she's not added to the grocery list so presumably she's not expecting to stay for long. I'd asked S18 to review the grocery list and he's added some things to it - a mix of real food and junk - so he's learning I suppose. I joked with him last night that I was turning him into a "good food snob".
We also had an interesting chat based on an article from SubStack I was reading by Dr. Patrick Wyman - a historian who thinks fairly deep thoughts. It was on the topic of "bro-culture" and how it had parallels to the middle-ages knight class. It turns out that S18 is well familiar with "bro-culture" and many of the people referenced in the article are people who he follows. Certainly an enlightening piece that cast a bit of light on a part of Western culture that I knew little about and also cast a different light on what he viewed as the historic parallels. I'd suggest looking for it if how western cultural trends have perhaps echos in the deep past is something of interest.
I'm still stressed about having to deal with S but less so as time goes on. My chest pain is now very rare and when I had an echo of it yesterday I did some focusing and deep breathing exercises and that seemed to help.
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I had yesterday off and other than having to be here to take S18 in to work and then pick him up afterwards, had a good day and got a bunch of stuff done. I would have preferred to be off on some sort of ramble through the woods etc but it is what it is.
Despite being off, there were a few things for work that I had to deal with - I'm one of "those people" who are rarely off the clock. We're having disturbing increases in our supply chain with COVID19 being specifically mentioned in the case of driver shortages. A bit order that ties up some production equipment for several days is having to be shifted for a second time because raw materials I need aren't coming in. We also seem to have a shortage of skids / pallets and a hard time getting more. Stock up on toilet paper everyone!
I did get my wiring done and was rather pleased with myself. Even though it's a bad idea I did manage to do it with the panel left energized. I powered down the circuit to swap out the one line, ran new conductor from the outlet to the panel and wired it up with the panel energized. At one point I realized that if something happened that my phone was on me so I put it on the workbench. It was all good though. I used my pigtail testers to verify that every place I was touching was not live. The riskiest part was running the new wire into the panel. I have a set of hemostats that I picked up years ago that do a great job of fishing things out from a depth. I also noticed a couple of loose connections while I was in the panel and tightened them down while I was in there. It took about 2 hours total and really made me feel good to get done. I did 95% of the wiring in this house myself so had confidence in what I was doing but it's been quite a long time since I was inside the panel. I was fortunate that I had 2 spare circuits I could use as well. When my insurance company sent an inspector in to the house a few years ago he took a close look at the panel, asked a few questions, pronounced it decent enough work and moved on. I'm glad that my kitchen is now pretty much completely up to code now with 3 circuits rather than 1. It will make it even more usable.
I also took some time and washed almost all the inside windows yesterday too. S complained that ammonia based cleaners bothered her so we threw those out. I restocked because they work well and knew that any scent would be gone before she got here. It's nice having more time and I feel like I'm catching up rather than before when I wasn't even able to keep up with the mess. And the various nose prints etc are now cleaned off.
Outside whatever I need to deal with with S - it should be a busy weekend. I want to get my Christmas cards written out today. I'll drop them off in the post on Sunday when I'm heading over for brunch with my 26.
First weekend of the month as well so scrubbing to do and I may try to get the dusting done as well.
My D28 and her husband have confirmed that they are moving to Seattle and I have an address so now to do some research on what to get them that can be delivered locally for Christmas. I have a couple of acquaintances in Seattle that have given me a few pointers on where I can get gift baskets assembled and what sort of museums and parks are around.
I am stressed with S being here but realistically there's not a lot of leverage she has. She has a place she can go as is well illustrated by the fact that she's not spent more than a day or so at a time here in the past nearly 2 months.
I want to try to get more of the outside decorating done today as well as the other usual things. I may also stop by the local flea-market and check to see if I can find a new butter dish and spoon rest. The grocery list contains a number of baking spices that I'm suddenly short on too.
Counting down the time until the New Year. I have my hopes that the exit of S and her crew and then her stuff will go smoothly. She's commented that she's had to move quite a few times and this time I'm on this end helping move things out which will make that part at least a lot more organized than when she moved in.
I was listening through the night last night to the rabbits bouncing around, doors opening and closing, cats meowing and people moving up and down the hall and thinking how nice it will be to have an undisturbed sleep and quiet again.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Just shaking my head here. Is there really that much of a shortage of middle-aged guys with jobs out there or am I just imagining things.
I stopped into a local gift shop to pick up a present for my son as recommended by an acquaintance of mine. Lovely little consignment shop, friendly owner - a retired EMS dispatcher. We chatted for a while, as soon as she found out that I had some technical skills she had me fixed her computer and she suggested I come back for coffee and a visit later "anytime you like" ...
Nice lady - but - do they smell it on me? As Pepe-Le-Pew posits - is it indeed possible to be too attractive?
I beat a retreat - but got a lovely hand-made lap blanket for my son and a Christmas towel for myself.
S is still in bed at 3:45pm. I expect she's catching up on her sleep - this isn't actually too out of character for her especially if she's been burning the candle at both ends. Not my job to wake her up. It is worrisome though if I'd not known her to do this before and that was when I felt entitled to "adult" for her and make sure she got up, took her meds and ate.
Less for me to deal with if she is in bed and then wanders around through the night like the ghost at the banquet.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Some clarity. S finally got up and let me know that she has a 38' truck showing up on Thursday to load her stuff and take it into storage. That should handle the bulk of it including the garage.
She's (reasonably) not a happy lady but more resigned to the state of things.
She did mention that her D26 needed a transfusion because of blood loss from her miscarriage. I feel bad that all of this is happening all at once to her but there's nothing I can do to help other than stay the heck out of the way.
She also said she has no plans on where she or S18 will end up.
So - a week of in house separation with someone who has a different circadian rhythm. I can do this.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
