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I told her I know she is having an affair to her face, she denied, of course, and showed up for dinner like nothing happened, but looked like she had a lobotomy.

I guess I’m new to this, but the you’re a cheater, I hate you, what’s for dinner, let’s be friends dynamic is confusing. It’s like the emotion/feelings blender.


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

IHS 10/5/2020
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It’s what we called cake eating in DB land. WWs love to fill their fats faces with cake and LBS love feeding it to them. It’s confusing in the beginning. Only you can decide when the bakery is closed.

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Hi Tony,

I am sorry you’re here. I have been living with my MLC H for 18 months. He’s had at least two OW that I am aware of. I have just learned to live with him here. In these past 18 months, he has had a regression to being a teen; messy bed (he sleeps in our D25s room and she’s is actually sleeping on the couch.), spray tan, diets then overeating, washes clothes once a month or one load for one pair of pants. He leaves in the evening to eat away from the house. The OWs were in another country, so he really is stuck here.

I have struggled to understand. I have been seeing a therapist once a week. That has helped immensely as she is very aware of MLC and how to deal with him. I have learned to protect myself, (he still has me pay all of the bills and watch the money), I have also learned to not ask him anything R related, and I just give him a wide berth.

You can read my sitch, he will bring home baked goods, and surprisingly he ate with D and I on Thursday. He does not know that I know about the OWs. I just know it will come out later but now is not the time, I see periodic glimpses of him, but nothing to what he used to be like. If you plan to stand, you will have to develop a strong outer armor. It helps.

Wishing you the best.

PLC

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Nick, sorry you're here. Make the most of this period of your life. Don't put your travel plans on hold bc of her, do what you've been dreaming of.

Shark eyes? Don't let anyone have that power over you. No fear, amigo.

I wouldn't protect the kids from finding put, they're going to find out anyways.

The hard thing is the right thing here. Step back, drop your emotions, and start to tackle this logically. Quit doing what doesn't work. Do what makes you happy. Quit focusing on her unless you enjoy misery. Go out with your friends and start living and healing.


H 34
W 29
BD 3/12/18
Divorce Busted Spring 19

It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
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The whole covid thing kind of did a number on the travel plans, but I was setting something up yesterday, so when restrictions are relaxed, I’m good to go.

DB coach also said quit covering for W. It’s going to be tough when my kids find out, they think we have a good marriage. What just amazes me is that W can have an OM when she has 2 beautiful daughters that will learn how to form their relationships from her. The two talks we had the only thing that registered with W was when I told her Ds won’t respect her.

It’s weird W has been kind of normal the last couple days. Thanksgiving was fine, and we played a board game after eating that was fun. This morning she came out of her bedroom, said good morning and made coffee for both of us. Sat down and read the paper, deja vu all over again. I don’t expect it to last.

The best day I had since Bomb Drop was last Friday. I was googling her name and came across a review of her from 2019 as a Mental Health counselor. The review stated my W was terrible because she allegedly told a couple in crises that they should not be married, and W is callous and immoral. I lmao. I showed it to her and she was p!ssed. She went digging thru her notes to see if she could find out who it is. Hello, you bomb dropped me without a second thought so obviously you are callous, and in an affair so therefore immoral. It’s like her brain was completely compartmentalized.

Last edited by job; 11/29/20 10:06 PM. Reason: edited language

Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

IHS 10/5/2020
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Yeah, I’m trying to put positive spin on things:

No custody issues, we would have been empty nesters in fall
If we sell house, I wanted to downsize eventually
Opportunity to move to a new area closer to my family. We are in Fl and neither of us has family here.
Chance to start new holiday traditions.
Chance to remove myself from her BS.

Mostly she’s been pretty good wife mother but I have to take off those rose tinted glasses. For example, last year I bought a car so D17 could drive to school. She had a learner permit, but did not practice and was unsafe driver. I gave D a certain amount of hours and tasks before I would let her take road test. No license means W has to get up early to take D to bus stop.

Well W takes D to a notoriously easy testing center and D passes (but still hasn’t driven on a highway?) I find out because older D is not good with this and snitches. So what’s the result. I have to take time from work to drive with D for the next month until she proves she is competent. I’m mad because she’s willing to let unsafe D drive to school in the dark so W gets to sleep in. Meanwhile, I’m still defending W’s previous accident from careless driving.

So she’s been cake eating all the time.


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

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Oh yeah and right before BD she went into full blown menopause. The woman who is always cold had the ac cranked to the max.


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

IHS 10/5/2020
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I’ve been able to gut check myself by using the MWD will this bring us closer together and stop from saying stuff, but man I’m all emotion.


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

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N,

My suggestion to you is to try to get her out of the house ASAP. In house separation while a Spouse is in an affair is very difficult. Start boxing her stuff and put it in the garage.

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Haha she’s not in affair. She told me so


Me 57/W 53, M 23, T 27

D21/D17

BDay 6/29/20, ILYBINILWY

IHS 10/5/2020
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