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Happy Birthday Gerda!
2020 birthdays are all a little underwhelming, but it sounds like you are making the best of it!
Have fun with your friends and I hope those kiddos of yours gave you an extra big hug this morning.
(((Gerda)))

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Happy Birthday Gerda!


Now: Me54 XW50 S24 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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Happy birthday Gerda! I so admire your strength and persistence in the face of absolute insanity.


W32
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June 2019 | Runaway husband
May 2020 | Legal separation
Dec 2020 | Happily divorced
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Happy Birthday, Gerda!


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Gerda Offline OP
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Thank you, Cardinal, Scout, DnJ, Sage, for chiming in with birthday wishes (even though in truth I kinda demanded it).

Had a really nice outdoor gathering, many friends came by, we had hot toddies and I made the most wonderful chocolate cake, wish I could link it here, presliced for guests, along with a hot toddy. One friend even brought hot chestnuts. It was so nice to be around people and we actually all decided that we could manage it once a month outside, as long as it wasn't raining. So that was great!

I notice that I am constantly battling fear of what my H and his L will do next. They threatened to take me back to court if I don't pay his monthly prepayment of ED, which I obviously can only pay partially right now based on loss of work and rent. And I know they really have no power over me, the judge isn't going to rule on that and we are going to have to wait for trial. Or the judge does rule on it and then I have cause to appeal because she refused to rule on my motions before that -- or, I dunno, because THERE IS A GLOBAL PANDEMIC AND ECONOMIC SHUTDOWN AND ORDERS MUST BE MODIFIED ACCORDINGLY?! And yet I get these panic attacks about waiting and wondering.

I think it's important to notice that, if you are a newbie. Detachment doesn't mean you are a saint who will never have fear and will walk with total peace all the time. This is a very difficult struggle.

But one of my friends who came yesterday is a young man almost half my age who is sort of a brother/nephew kind of friend from my church community. He wrote me a long letter all about how much my struggle is a light to others, to watch how I walk this impossible path and still have a house that seems so very much like a home, and try to transmit some faith to my kids despite their defiance and the endless pressure on me. It was the most incredible letter, a real gift from God that said He is with me, and that I am walking the path He laid out for me. I had been praying for God to show me that He was there, and when I read this letter the same day as my very fervant prayer, I was in awe.

Last edited by Gerda; 12/09/20 02:27 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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P.S. I realized that it might not be clear from what I wrote that the birthday was masked and six feet apart, on my street, and by a lot I meant 5 ppl! Didn't want to give a scary impression of safety flouting!


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Good Morning Gerda

Iím glad your birthday celebration was a happy one. Cake, hot toddies, good friends, and even chestnuts. smile Sounds like a good time. A monthly gathering is a fantastic idea.

D


Now: Me54 XW50 S24 S23 S21 D19

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

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Happy Belated Birthday to you Gerda. Sounds like you had a nice celebration. Something to look back on when we recall the different milestones during this pandemic.

You talked about having panic attacks, about waiting and wondering. Me too. It's not fun. I feel like my heart is constantly beating out of control in my chest. I really started to feel it racing more when I started work. And I relish in the moments when it actually slows down, which feel like never... I try not to be in that waiting and wondering mindset, but it's hard to ignore the shark in the distance, when you're trying to climb out of the water.

I hope we can both fill our lungs with BIG DEEP breaths of betterment.

One BIG inhale, and One long exhale.

Cheers to your new year


~Never Give Up ~
2019
Mar BD
June BD
Dec Aow/xgf
2020
Jan he wants D
Feb he flys2 ow
Mar returns stuck here C19 Lckdwn
Apr he leaves for work until Nov
Oct D FINAL 2020
Living MY Happiest Life Ever
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Gerda Offline OP
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Yes, I know exactly what you are feeling, Can.

It will happen less often. After a long time.

And it will still happen. Just today I realized that I was swimming in a sea of dread that something awful was about to happen. And maybe it is or maybe it isn't. But it's a wound that was already there, the ache of the broken arm that doesn't mean your arm is broken again. It's the same break from before.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Stopping by to wish you a very Merry Christmas my friend! May the birth of our Christ Jesus remind you of blessed peace, hope and joy.

Grace


M: 56
H: 57
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H Moved out: 10/1/18
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