Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 737
Likes: 28
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Oct 2020
Posts: 737
Likes: 28
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I was reading on someone else’s thread and it got me thinking. My D will be 14 this year. I will not be trying to blend families or live with another man until she’s off to college. It’s another chapter to mourn in my life. She’s just too old for it to know and those years are too risky to try to Attempt such a big life change.


I admire that you are putting your daughter first, I think too many in our situation think of themselves first in this regard. My Mum was a single mum to 4, and she didn't really even date until I was 17 (the youngest). I am really glad for this. My Stepdad is a great guy, but my Dad chose my Stepmum over his kids and it has scarred the 4 of us in lasting ways.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I also read a lot on newcomers with these new divorcees about my age who want to enter the dating pool right out of the gate without dealing with their own stuff, and OMG, that’s what’s out there for me now. Men who can’t be alone and are still stuck on their ex wives. God help me.


I understand how scary and depressing that this would feel. Hopefully there are enough men on this forum who aren't doing just that though and are taking the time to deal with their own issues. If there are some on here, there are definitely some out there Ginger, please don't lose hope for that.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
My love life seems more and more hopeless day by day and that is difficult to deal with. Life has been pretty lonely. Come home, do house work, cook dinner, eat, and eat alone, go to bed. No one to talk about my day woth. No one to give me a shoulder rub, no one to have conversation with. And my friends are so distanced now with this pandemic. It’s literally no one out there.


You are not alone in feeling like this, I have been dealing with those feelings for 8 months now and its hard, can't imagine how hard its been for the length of time you've been dealing with it. I really just miss talking about the small things, if I had a win at work or found a lunch spot we should try. My Mum did this for 15 years which made it all the more sweeter when she found her perfect person, a complete gent who had dealt with his stuff and loved her grown kids as if they were his own.

Good things happen to those who deserve it Ginger, just takes longer than we'd like sometimes.


Me: 41 W:42
T: 14 M: 11
S: 6

"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,401
Likes: 111
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,401
Likes: 111
So I'm curious why you have come to the conclusion about not blending families until after D is 18. Please don't feel obligated to answer, because I'm certainly not questioning your decision, I'm truly just curious. Now, granted, when I got married, I had always been single so my XH had kids, but I didn't. His were 12, 14, and 16 when we got married. Sure, there were some growing pains, but we all adjusted. Obviously, it would be different if you were marrying someone who also had kids and the adjustment would be different, but your D is resilient. If you found a good, solid dude, I would think making that big change wouldn't seem so bad for you or D. Just my 2 cents and not judging you. You have to do what works for you.

Like the post above says, good things happen to those who deserve it and you definitely do. That timing, though, huh? Lol....sometimes you just want to tell people to step on the d@mn gas!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Thank you for stopping by Only! Your mother sounds like an incredible woman and she sounds really happy now. It really does give me encouragement and hope. I hope to meet someone like that one day, and I think I realize it’s just not my time yet.

Dawn, a few reasons why I wouldn’t go down that road. One is she hasn’t known her life living with anyone but me in my household. It would be a huge adjustment . I don’t want to turn her world upside down in high school before she goes off to college. The other reason is that she is a girl. I don’t think I would ever feel comfortable leaving her alone with a guy in my house. Even if I was dating that guy for a year, you just don’t know. She’s becoming a woman, and that is not smart. And if he had teenage sons? Oh lord no. I just don’t think it would ever be a comfortable situation.
She is resilient for sure, but it is not a situation I would feel comfortable putting her in

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
I think I would feel the same in your shoes, G. Even if you met someone tomorrow, it would be fine to just date until she’s off to college. It’s not that far away. And gives you plenty of time to get to really know a guy before you cohabitate.

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
G
Ginger1 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,826
Likes: 156
Well, I think I’ve given up on even caring for myself lately. I rarely put makeup on. I only wear scrubs and sweats. I can’t lose weight . What’s the point anymore ?

I had my MRI to help try to figure out my ankle pain/ foot pain. It was negative. My podiatrist was upset, I was upset. We wanted to see something and fix it. He gave me a referral to a second opinion to make sure there isn’t something that he is missing. But we both really think it’s coming from my back and it’s a spinal issue. I’ve just learned to live with back pain and sciatic pain I have from my herniated discs and the lipoma on my spine. I never followed up when I should have. I was supposed to get MRI’s of my spine to make sure the lipoma isn’t growing every 6minths and I haven’t since I was diagnosed in 2016. I’m afraid to go back to deal with this issue.

I can’t go on like this anymore. I’ve always had pain but I have always dealt with it. I don’t even know what body I am living in anymore. I am the woman who used to run, kickbox, lift weights, bike ride, do hard core boot camp classes, swim, hike, yoga. I could move my body. Now it’s no good anymore. It’s heavier , it’s a achier, and doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. All those activities were my therapy, my lifeline, my joy, my hobbies, and my endorphins. I don’t have any of it left anymore. It’s been so depressing. If I could have anything it would be to not be in pain and resume my active lifestyle .

We got 20lnches of snow here it was godawful. I made it to work, barely made it home on Monday. Couldn’t get my car out Tuesday. I pretty much dig around my car out. Hurt my back more. There is literally no where to put the snow in my driveways because it’s between 2 walls. I gave in and hired someone to come and dig half my driveway out so I can park my car and walk. It’s unreal, we haven’t seen snow like this since 96’.

I’m alone this weekend. Spending the super bowl with myself. D13 will be with her dad.

This pst year has been he!! For me. I managed to avoid covid though I worked closely with it, and that’s a plus. I am fully vaccinated and that’s a plus. But I just don’t have a circle anymore. My friends seem gone. Some are not gone emotionally, just due to distance, but others are around the corner and pretty much gone. Families and family friends have stuck together in their “pods”. But here I am. Alone.

I’m seeing my doctor for my annual physical at the end of the month and will probably ask to up my AD’s. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t even have my exercise. I have been thinking about going away for 3 days. But where and to do what? Who knows.

Well, that was depressing. One day I’ll have something not depressing to say .

Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2019
Posts: 4,627
Likes: 71
Hi Ginger, as someone who also enjoys being active--hiking, climbing, cycling, pilates, etc. I get frustrated when I can't move as much due to back or foot pain for even a couple of weeks. That sounds terrible, being limited, being uncomfortable, worrying about spinal injuries, and no clear diagnosis. You are so strong for everyone else here AND you do amazing work. You deserve as much support as you can handle. In lieu of that, you deserve amazing self-care. Anyway, for what it's worth, thinking about you and sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,913
Likes: 316
Hey girl - I know this is REALLY tough for you on SO many levels.

For the physical stuff - can you lift free weights for your upper body and do simple crunches (only 1-2 inches of shoulders off the ground) and airplanes for your core? I know it's not the same as the endorphins from aerobic workouts but it can help.

Music also helps with endorphins, can you put together (or find) an upbeat playlist?

As for your friends - I know, it's hard, we're all so worn out and reclusive right now. But there must be online groups somewhere for others isolated at home during this pandemic? Do you have any friends who have also been vaccinated that you could invite over?

And we're always here for you. (((hug)))

Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 569
Likes: 8
9
Member
Offline
Member
9
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 569
Likes: 8
Ginger, I'm sorry. ((((hugs))))


ME47 XH44, S28 S24 S19

8/17-BD
IHS: 1/17-2/19
D FILED (ME): 7/19
D FINAL: 10/20
M23 T25
OW CONFIRMED: 01/21

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,401
Likes: 111
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 3,401
Likes: 111
(((((G)))))

I'm sorry you are having such a rough go. When I feel better, I would be glad to have a virtual beer with you and even take you on a little driving tour of Arkansas. it isn't the same as in person, I know, but it is better than nothing, right? I know some of us are connected on facebook and live in different areas of the country. We could have a virtual travel group where someone takes us on a tour of their area every few weeks. I'd totally be down to virtually travel to your neck of the woods! You know how to find me if you would like to talk to a real live person.

Hang in there. This pandemic has just been H3ll!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Oct 2018
Posts: 2,174
Likes: 46
(((GInger)))

So sorry you are feeling so alone. I wish I had words of wisdom to offer you. It seems to me that an IC might be of benefit. They can’t “fix” things but they can give you a place to share your worst thoughts and work through some things. This pandemic is like the cherry on top of a really crappy sundae. Your medical issues sound really challenging and getting the appropriate specialists involved is pretty important, I think. I know you are afraid but as all of on here know too well, avoiding the elephant in the room doesn’t make it go away. Health is everything. You are so young too. You really need to get on this...if not for you then for D13.

Dawn - Love your virtual travel idea!!!

Hang in there G. You are not alone. There are many people out there who are thinking of you and hoping things turn around for you. (((HUGS)))

Page 9 of 11 1 2 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard